"Parents and Children"

So way back in the day (like a few weeks ago), I decided to become a 'better reader of the Bible.' I knew I needed to read more and it was one night before bed I decided it'd be a good time to start. I knew picking up my Bible only a few times here and there wasn't good enough. I needed to be more diligent. So, I picked up my Bible that night and asked God for a word.
Now at the time I was very frustrated. I was never a big reader, but reading the Bible was even harder. Not only did I have my own flesh and blood fighting against me, so was Satan. You know he was whispering all kinds of lies in my ears of why I couldn't read the Bible. There wasn't enough time. I was tired. I don't know what to read. All these excuses prevented me from picking up my Bible all the time.
But then, that night came where I made a commitment that I would pick it up more often. I swore to myself that I would read EVERY night and ignore the excuses in my mind. As soon as I thought about picking up my Bible and reading though, the perfect excuse flooded my thoughts, "I haven't read in forever, so I know God won't give me a word. I'll just be reading simple words on a page that don't make any sense to me and I'll put the Bible down more discouraged then ever."
At that moment, before the excuse could consume me, I prayed. I told God I was desperate for a word. I begged Him to speak to me through His Holy book. I wanted something specific for me. I needed it. I just needed Him to speak to me.
So after I prayed, I lifted my Bible expecting to open up to a random verse that would speak volumes. Instead I randomly took out the card that was in the front pocket of my Bible. My dearest cousin had given me this Bible and she gave it to me with a card. I always left the card in the front pocket. I used it to right down verses, chapters, or whatever I felt I needed to write down quickly before I forgot. I hadn't taken out the card in awhile, but for some reason I decided to tonight. I forgot what my cousin had written in it and I wanted to read it again. As I examined the card, I saw Colossians 3 written on the back side of the card.
I remembered when I wrote down that Chapter. It was several years prior and it was a word I felt God give me to give my cheerleaders one day. I couldn't remember what it was about, so I decided to read it. As I was reading Colossians 3, I remembered its purpose, but I didn't think it was the word God was going to give me on that night. I was wrong.
Curiosity got the best of me and I continued reading past the few verses in the chapter God gave me several years ago. As I read on, I realized it was no mistake I was supposed to continue reading.
Colossians 3 talks about living a holy life (that includes children and adults). In the middle of the chapter, my 'spirit filled bible' gives a little excerpt titled 'Parents and Children' on how to raise children accordingly. It gives a clear list of how to do it right backed with different scriptures throughout the Bible. It talked about being a good example, not showing favoritism, and having your child dedicated.
I'll be honest, it wasn't the word I was hoping for, but I knew God wanted me to read that. It was NOT a mistake, nor was it a coincidence. It was for me. I needed to read it.
Once i finished reading it, I felt good. I felt like God had showed me that and said, "Hey, this is where you go when you have questions about how to raise Caleb or if you question whether or not your raising him correctly. As long as you follow these steps, you'll be fine." (Understand clear steps is what I need in life. God knows this haha).

In the end, I was so grateful that God showed up for me and gave me that word. No, it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but God is like a parent, He tells us things we don't always want to hear, but it is for our own good. God is not in the business in always giving us what we want, but giving us what we need. And He knows better than anyone what we need. And that's a good thing because a lot of us aren't even sure what we want. :)
God.Is.So.Good

Entertaining Angels

My son likes to stare. We find him staring at random things in the house. We try and align ourselves with his eyes to figure out what he's staring at and most of the time we find he is staring into a corner. What is so exciting about a corner? Oh yeah, and most of the time, it's the ceiling corner.
I've come up with a theory. He's looking at angels. I know I might sound crazy, but I really believe this....especially after today.
Caleb has not been eating well. He screams, cries, and pretty much freaks out every time I try and nurse him. It has been difficult for all of us lately every time he eats. I cry every time I try and nurse because I don't want him to have formula. It really has been a battle that I refuse to lose. My husband suggests all kinds of tricks to get him to eat, but nothing works. Caleb is now taking medicine which seems to work a little, but it's still a struggle most of the time.
Anyway, this morning was a battle. Caleb ate well for a little bit, but (as usual) when we tried to burp him mid way through, he screamed like we were trying to kill him. Being completely exhausted, I freaked out and asked God why a million times. Why haven't my prayers been answered, why is this so difficult, why can't you just make this baby eat well, why does this have to be such a pain when you can fix this, why aren't you hearing me?
I thought about women in the Bible. Last night, I read in Exodus about Moses and how Pharaoh's daughter found him in the river and asked one of the Hebrew women (Moses' mom) to nurse him. I tried to imagine how special it must have been for Moses' mother to do this as I fed Caleb. This was supposed to be a special bond between me and my son and I'm hating every minute of it. What did women in Biblical times do when babies wouldn't eat???
I tried for five minutes to get Caleb to eat, all while he screamed and cried. I changed positions, moved to a different part of the condo, tried standing on my head (LOL not really, but if I knew that would work, I'd do it). Eventually, he ate a little more. I thank God he was able to eat at least a little bit.
Unfortunately, he didn't eat enough (after going through the night without nursing, you can imagine the pressure). I had to extract some (please excuse my terminological as I am trying not to be too graphic). I didn't know how I was going to do this because Caleb hates being put down and my husband was walking out the door to work. Unfortunately, I just had to put him down to do what I had to do.
So, I put him in his swing. Now, understand that Caleb loves his swing. However, he will not stay in his swing without a binkie and a blanket to hold it in. I, in a rush and a completely fog from the morning's battle, just put him in the swing and did what I needed to do.
As I am sitting there watching him in the swing, I am waiting for him to freak out. He has no binkie, no blanket...there was no way he was going to stay in there long enough. However, the next thing I know, he is cracking up. He is babbling away and smiling like crazy. He is looking up and just having a grand ol time. I swear he was seeing angels. As soon as I finished doing what I needed to do, he started getting upset...he needed his binkie...
I really believe they were angels he was looking at. The angels were entertaining him. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm telling you, my child will not stay in his swing without a binkie, unless he is entertained. Could I be completely wrong....maybe, but I wouldn't mind one bit if my son saw angels. I mean, besides Jesus, what better thing to look at?!
So, yes, this morning....angels entertained my son. Jesus sent them because he knew I needed a break. They must have played with him and sang to him (he likes that). I know it sounds nuts because I think I sound nuts just writing about it, but how would anyone know the difference?
I personally believe we entertain angels all the time, we just don't know it and if you believe in guardian angels, then this post isn't too far fetched for you. There are angels around us all the time. Sometimes, we can see them. Most of the time we don't. I think it's because they like to keep a low profile :)

Genesis - CHECK!

So I finished up reading Genesis last night. I have found time to read before bed. I feed the baby and John rocks him to sleep. While John is doing that and I'm waiting for him to come back to bed, I read. It has actually worked out well for me this way. I enjoy the quiet time and I like lying in bed and reading. Sometimes, John will get back to bed before I'm done reading and I find myself using a flashlight to finish reading. I know it might seem corny, but it makes me feel like a kid again. I love the flashlight! Sometimes, when I'm done reading, I pretend to write my name on the ceiling with the light. Of course, this drives John crazy as he is trying to sleep. LOL
ANYWAY, last night after I finished reading, I laid down and tried to think about the book of Genesis. I tried to do a little recap in my head of what I read. In all honesty, there's a lot to remember! I had a hard time remembering every detail like I wanted to. For the most part, I remembered the main theme of each story, but even that was a lot.
What's funny is that I always thought I'd run out of things to read in such a small book. Like, by the time I turned 50, God couldn't give me any more revelations through His word, I would know it all but then. But after finishing Genesis last night, I realized that there's so much jam packed into one book of the Bible (or one chapter for that matter), that I could read through the Bible 1290890324 times and still not know it all and God could STILL give me a revelation about something. It's so amazing....

Lucky For Me.....

Caleb is STILL sleeping. I took the opportunity to read the Bible. Instead of continuing where I left off (i've been reading through the entire Bible), I decided to ask God for a specific word. I've been pretty overwhelmed with the thought of moving and fixing up the condo and worrying about Caleb and making sure he's getting enough to eat that I broke down today. I cried out to God and ask Him why everything is being so stressful lately.
God continually reminds me to be anxious for nothing and I try so hard to not be anxious, but it doesn't always work. Then, God led me to these verse:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synogues and on the street corners to be seen by men, I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for our Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.' - Matthew 6:5-14

This was another thing God showed me right on the next page: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more cloth you, O you of little faith?So do not worry saying, 'What shall we eat? or what shall we drink? or what shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things. and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough tourble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34

I feel like God heard my cry and gave me these. I feel a lot better now. :)

I woulda, coulda, shoulda, but I didn't....

Ok, Ok, ok, so I could make every excuse in the book and I will attempt to do so. :) This morning I didn't go to church. Why? Well, I've been battling a nice sinus infection/cold all week. It stunk. I could barely move on Tuesday (so much so that John stayed home from work to take care of me and the baby). It got progressively better as the week went on, but I didn't get the rest I needed to recover. John had to go back to work (obviously he couldn't stay home with me all week until I got better) and I was stuck with a very cranky baby to take care of. No time to sleep in, that was for sure. So, I say all that to say, I am still sick, still battling this cold or whatever it is, and I refuse to go to the doctor because I don't want them to tell me I have to go on antibiotics because that will mean I have to stop breastfeeding and I don't want to do that right now.
Not only am I battling this lovely cold, I felt disgustingly nauseous most of the day yesterday and I haven't had an appetite all week. I really felt like I was going to toss my cookies. I was up most of the night feeling like I needed to run to the bathroom every ten seconds. Granted, I didn't sleep (although I never really sleep anymore these days). I need my sleep.
On top of all of that, yesterday was a very stressful day. We are trying to list our condo and there is a ton of stuff we are trying to fix up to make it look more presentable. Granted, it's little things that need fixing, but it's a lot of little things that add up and it's going to take some time and it's all very stressful. What really stinks is that I usually get a break on Saturdays from the baby. My husband is home and normally takes the baby here and there so I can eat without having to hold a crying baby (it's the little things these days that mean the most...like eating lunch in peace..). Anyway, since my husband was fixing up our condo I had to keep an eye on the baby all day. I know that might sound bad, but I really look forward to Saturdays to get a little break (keep in mind I don't get a break all week, except maybe an hour at nights when John holds the baby while I eat dinner). Not getting my normal break yesterday stressed me out, which caused my stomach to be in knots all day, which probably caused my nauseousness later on.
Ok, so I gave every excuse in the book, but in all honesty, it's true. But why I am I even writing this? Well, I probably could have made it to church this morning, but I chose to take the opportunity to sleep in a bit (especially since I didn't sleep well last night and I never get to sleep much these days). And if you felt the way I did, you would have probably stayed home too. I mean, let's be honest, my excuse not to go to church is totally justified. I needed the rest.
However, this morning, as I was thinking about not making it to church, I felt really bad. I felt really selfish. I basically told God that He wasn't worth it, when in all reality I could have made it and survived. My question is, where do you draw the line? When is it okay to miss church? When is it justified? Yes, I could have pushed and went to church, but ultimately I felt like I needed the rest. But should I have gone anyway??
I guess it really depends on the person.....

Reading, Reading, Reading

So I have been pretty diligent with my reading (can you tell I am proud of myself?). In the beginning of each book of the Bible, they give you the amount of chapters you should read for that day to read the Bible in a year and most of the time, I read more than what is allotted for the given day (go me, lol). I just find so much of it interesting now that I know what is going on. Its awesome.
Anyway, so last night I read about Jacob and Esau. Pretty kool stuff. I have to hand it to Jacob, he was pretty smart taking the birth right and the blessing. I would have done the same if I were him lol. He got all the goods. Although, he did have to work hard for Rachel. And then after working for Rachel's father for seven years, he had to work another seven because he tricked Jacob into marrying the oldest, uglier, daughter Leah (poor Leah). I'm just sayin, if I was Jacob, I would quit and find someone else LOL. No man (or woman in his case) would be worth it.
Anyhoo, I find the story REALLY interesting when Leah and Rachel battle it out by trying to have the most kids LOL. Poor Rachel can't have kids, but Leah has a slew of boys (I think like 6 or 7 over all). Rachel gives Jacob her maidservant to have kids for her and the maidservant has a few boys too. Then, Leah freaks out and gives Jacob her maidservant too. Then, Leah's maidservant has some boys. Rachel still freaks out and prays really hard and finally conceives. She has Joseph, who is extra special to Jacob because he was Rachel's son.
After all is said and done, Jacob has mad sons. I say this to my husband and he goes, 'yeah, well duh.' I didn't get this far yet, but I know that God refers to Jacob as Israel, so his sons must be the 12 tribes.
Way kool stuff :)

All or Nothing

So I decided I wanted to read through the entire Bible. I've never done it before and I thought it would be a good idea. Part of the the reason was because I was getting frustrated when I would pick up the 'good book' and read a random story I didn't understand because I didn't know the back story. I figured if I read through the whole Bible, I'd know all the stories and I could understand it a little better.
So, where did I begin? In Genesis of course! And I have to say, since I've decided to read through the entire Bible, I find myself more motivated to read. Maybe because I am finding it more interesting...I don't know. Anyway, yes, so I've started from the beginning when God created world. As many times as I've read the story, I still find it amazing and interesting. I mean, what a way to start a book! If you aren't captivated by the Creation, then I can't imagine what would captivate you. What a powerful story (and yes, I will continue to refer to the stories in the Bible as stories, because I find it more appealing when I call them stories). :)
Anyhoo, it's amazing to learn the steps God took to create such an amazing thing. It makes me appreciate things a little more. I really like how God rested on the seventh day. I was taught not to work on the Sabbath, to keep it holy and to rest. Who was I to complain about that! LOL When I was younger, I always told my bosses that I could not work on Sundays because it was a religious thing and I had to go to church. ALL of them respected that and I never had to work Sundays (granted, there was a time when I told one boss that I could work Sunday afternoons, after church, because I needed more money, but I never missed church because of work).
Moving on....
Then, there is the story of Adam and Eve. Oh, what I would do to be a 'fly on the wall' during that time! I would scream at Eve not to eat the forbidden fruit. Everything was perfect up until that point and then Eve was deceived and ruined it for all of us. It changed the world from what God intended. It must have been such a sad day in heaven. I wonder how God felt....??
Then, there's Noah and the flood. The thing that amazes me about Noah's story is how he obeyed and listened to God. I wonder if he was thinking, God must be crazy....
Then, there's some geneology stuff which is always really boring, but good to know about.
Then, there's Abrahm who becomes Abraham. What amazes me about this guy is that he continually doubts God (well, I can't say continually because he does obey Him at some points). Anyway, Abraham does leave the city he's living in and he does attempt to sacrifice his son like God tells him to do, but he doubts God when he tells people that Sarah is his sister, not his wife (he does this twice). Whats interesting to me is that, these powerful, Godly men of the Bible, are just like us. They doubt God, they don't trust Him, and they try and do things in their own power. How many times do we do the same thing?!
What's funny is, as I'm reading these stories, I keep thinking to myself, 'you stupid idiot, why don't you trust God?! Its so easy! Why do you continually doubt?!' The truth is that people could say the same about me. I doubt God a lot and I ALWAYS try and do things my own way instead of letting God 'take the wheel.' It's so easy to say, 'yeah, I trust God,' but it's another thing to actually believe what you say.
In church yesterday, the pastor was talking about faith and how some people just have an amazing amount of faith in God and nothing changed it. And then there's the rest of us, who doubt constantly, but wish we could be like those with insurmountable faith.
I have to be honest, I think reading God's word more helps me with my faith. I notice myself being able to trust God more easily when I read. I think when I read about how God always comes through and how amazing God is, I am able to trust Him more, which in turn, allows me to have more faith.
So, yeah, thats what I've been up to....and now the baby is crying and must go...