I'll forget that time when the kids were little. A relatively new family of five living on one income in a state with the highest taxes. Everything was expensive. Everything. We pinched pennies everywhere, we still do. Yet we barely made it every month. There was maybe a few extra dollars left over every month, and it usually went to food. There was never extra money left over for meals out or visits to fun places.
I remember driving past Storybook Land so many times during that time. In awe of all the lights, the rides, the Christmas decorations, and all the chatter among families walking in, I desperately wanted to take the kids. However, SBL was SO expensive and we just couldn't afford it. Food was so costly, as was our new bigger car, our house, student loan payments, etc, etc. So much money going out to pay bills and just barely enough coming in. I longed to take my kids to experience Storybook Land at Christmas time, but we really couldn't afford it.
I told God my desires, although I knew He already knew. I knew it wouldn't be the end of the world if we didn't take the kids, but I really wanted to. Then, it happened. About two weeks later after driving passed one day and longing to go, someone gifted us four tickets to Storybook Land, just enough for our family since our baby was still a baby and would be free. A week later we entered Storybook Land with the kids and it was as magical as I imagined.
It's things like this that remind me of the higher power working in our favor. It's things like this that remind me God cares about the little things we care about. It's things like this that remind me of how much He cares about us, the same way I care about my kids and want to give them the world.
It's a simple, but amazing reminder that there is a God up there looking out for us very perfectly orchestrating the strings of our lives.
Sunday, October 27, 2019
Tuesday, September 17, 2019
Who is Jesus to me and why I won't stop talking about Him
Dear Facebook friends,
Some of you know me well and some not so much. Some know my testimony, some don't. This is for the ones who don't know my story. So to my Facebook friends who don't KNOW me, this is for you.
Some of you may have heard me talk about Jesus. Some of you may have heard me say things about praying a lot. This is just a piece of what's really inside and I want to share my story with you.
There is a picture of me at two weeks old. In the picture I am in the hands of a pastor who is lifting me toward heaven. My parents are standing in front of the pastor who are all in front of the church. All eyes are closed (except my moms, probably because she was afraid the pastor would drop me haha) and everyone is praying. I was being dedicated to God (kind of like a Christening). If there is one picture in my life that could represent what I am, it would be that picture. It was a picture that set the tone for my life: a life dedicated to the Lord.
Before I was even a thought, I was prayed for. I am a rainbow baby, a baby that was said to be impossible. Once I was conceived, I was prayed for even more. And the minute I entered the world, I was prayed for some more. To say I was raised in church is an understatement. God was all around me since the beginning: at home, at church, everywhere. My parents instilled Christian values and morals while the church reinforced those values. There is a verse in the Bible that says this: Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). I am an example of that verse.
But I didn't choose this life because my parents made the decision for me. Yes, I went to church my whole life. Yes, I went to Sunday School and learned about Jesus. Yes, my parents would have loved to choose a Christian life for me, but I chose this life all my own. And that is where MY story begins.
As a kid, I went to church because what else was a little kid going to do on a Sunday morning? I never fought my parents about going to church (I did fight about wearing those ridiculous frilly dresses haha). Church was cool, Jesus was cool too. So we went to church and it was what we did on Sundays.
Then freshman year at Absegami High School came. I had the BIGGEST dreams and aspirations a girl could ever have. I was going to join all the clubs, run for class president, do all the things, be the best student, become valedictorian, go to Princeton, become a doctor, and have the best high school career you could imagine. And I did. That first week of school, I signed up for everything under the sun. My name was on every list, under every club. I was off to a great start.
Then the second week came around. One day, out of the blue, I woke up with the WORST anxiety. All of a sudden fear and worry enveloped me and consumed my every thought. I had never experienced anything like that in my life. I thought it was a fluke and that it would disappear as quickly as it came, but it wouldn't go away.
My typical A's and B's turned into C's and D's (except for Math, I always did well in Math). I passed classes by the skin of my teeth and I missed a lot of school. I dropped out of all the clubs. I didn't understand what was going on in my life at the time. I just knew it wasn't pretty.
I spent my entire freshman year in constant fear, worry, and anxiety over things that were totally irrational. To embarrassed to talk about it, I tried fixing it on my own, but nothing worked. I was really drowning desperate for a way out.
One beautiful Spring morning, I woke up to the sun's rays shining in my room. I'll never forget the way the rays broke through my blinds and cast a beautiful beams of light across my bed and bedroom floor. I stared at the rays of light. I wished I could enjoy them more because they were so beautiful, but I knew what the day held and I couldn't see past that. I remember thinking how I hated waking up because it was fear and anxiety all day, from the moment I woke up to the minute I fell asleep. How could I enjoy anything anymore?
Then, a thought entered my mind. What if I tried praying? I mean what did I have to lose? My freshman year was almost over and a disaster. I had heard how powerful prayer could be, why not try that? So I did.
I started praying, asking God to heal me, make me better. I was diligent about it, like a diet. Every morning, every time I worried, every time I was fearful. Every day, all the time. I prayed.
I was not all of a sudden healed. Not even close. Actually, what started happening was that on Sunday mornings during church, I kept having this desire to go to the altar and pray. And so week after week, at the end of the church service, I would go to the altar, get on my hands and knees, and pray.
Sometimes I didn't even really know what I was doing there, but I just knew something was pulling me there. So I went. Sometimes I prayed, sometimes I just sat. But real talk, there was something special going on at that altar. I didn't realize it at the time, but I started building a relationship with this guy Jesus I learned so much about as a kid. I started to hear His voice, feel His presence and His amazing unconditional perfect love at that altar week after week. And slowly as my relationship with Jesus grew, the anxiety, fear, and worry, started to disappear.
I spent the summer between my freshman and sophomore year running to that altar every week, desperately craving that time with my Creator. Those moments there were more beautiful and perfect than I could put into words. I was being transformed in so many ways and it was certainly supernatural. I was building this relationship with the God I had heard so much about and He had healed me so gently and sweetly.
This is only part of why I love Jesus so much. He healed me. The kind of fear, worry, and anxiety I had doesn't just go away on its own. It was dark, deep, and all consuming and enveloping. And yet, in my darkest moment when most people would be scared to get close to me, Jesus drew me in with open arms and loved me with an unconditional, supernatural love that is like nothing I've ever experienced.
That was almost 20 years ago and I still remember it like yesterday. Because Jesus still does things like that for me today and He has all along in my relationship with Him.
So this is part of my story. There is more I will share soon, but I wanted you all who don't know me too well to understand why I serve a God I can't see. I pray you can find hope in my story.
Some of you know me well and some not so much. Some know my testimony, some don't. This is for the ones who don't know my story. So to my Facebook friends who don't KNOW me, this is for you.
Some of you may have heard me talk about Jesus. Some of you may have heard me say things about praying a lot. This is just a piece of what's really inside and I want to share my story with you.
There is a picture of me at two weeks old. In the picture I am in the hands of a pastor who is lifting me toward heaven. My parents are standing in front of the pastor who are all in front of the church. All eyes are closed (except my moms, probably because she was afraid the pastor would drop me haha) and everyone is praying. I was being dedicated to God (kind of like a Christening). If there is one picture in my life that could represent what I am, it would be that picture. It was a picture that set the tone for my life: a life dedicated to the Lord.
Before I was even a thought, I was prayed for. I am a rainbow baby, a baby that was said to be impossible. Once I was conceived, I was prayed for even more. And the minute I entered the world, I was prayed for some more. To say I was raised in church is an understatement. God was all around me since the beginning: at home, at church, everywhere. My parents instilled Christian values and morals while the church reinforced those values. There is a verse in the Bible that says this: Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it (Proverbs 22:6). I am an example of that verse.
But I didn't choose this life because my parents made the decision for me. Yes, I went to church my whole life. Yes, I went to Sunday School and learned about Jesus. Yes, my parents would have loved to choose a Christian life for me, but I chose this life all my own. And that is where MY story begins.
As a kid, I went to church because what else was a little kid going to do on a Sunday morning? I never fought my parents about going to church (I did fight about wearing those ridiculous frilly dresses haha). Church was cool, Jesus was cool too. So we went to church and it was what we did on Sundays.
Then freshman year at Absegami High School came. I had the BIGGEST dreams and aspirations a girl could ever have. I was going to join all the clubs, run for class president, do all the things, be the best student, become valedictorian, go to Princeton, become a doctor, and have the best high school career you could imagine. And I did. That first week of school, I signed up for everything under the sun. My name was on every list, under every club. I was off to a great start.
Then the second week came around. One day, out of the blue, I woke up with the WORST anxiety. All of a sudden fear and worry enveloped me and consumed my every thought. I had never experienced anything like that in my life. I thought it was a fluke and that it would disappear as quickly as it came, but it wouldn't go away.
My typical A's and B's turned into C's and D's (except for Math, I always did well in Math). I passed classes by the skin of my teeth and I missed a lot of school. I dropped out of all the clubs. I didn't understand what was going on in my life at the time. I just knew it wasn't pretty.
I spent my entire freshman year in constant fear, worry, and anxiety over things that were totally irrational. To embarrassed to talk about it, I tried fixing it on my own, but nothing worked. I was really drowning desperate for a way out.
One beautiful Spring morning, I woke up to the sun's rays shining in my room. I'll never forget the way the rays broke through my blinds and cast a beautiful beams of light across my bed and bedroom floor. I stared at the rays of light. I wished I could enjoy them more because they were so beautiful, but I knew what the day held and I couldn't see past that. I remember thinking how I hated waking up because it was fear and anxiety all day, from the moment I woke up to the minute I fell asleep. How could I enjoy anything anymore?
Then, a thought entered my mind. What if I tried praying? I mean what did I have to lose? My freshman year was almost over and a disaster. I had heard how powerful prayer could be, why not try that? So I did.
I started praying, asking God to heal me, make me better. I was diligent about it, like a diet. Every morning, every time I worried, every time I was fearful. Every day, all the time. I prayed.
I was not all of a sudden healed. Not even close. Actually, what started happening was that on Sunday mornings during church, I kept having this desire to go to the altar and pray. And so week after week, at the end of the church service, I would go to the altar, get on my hands and knees, and pray.
Sometimes I didn't even really know what I was doing there, but I just knew something was pulling me there. So I went. Sometimes I prayed, sometimes I just sat. But real talk, there was something special going on at that altar. I didn't realize it at the time, but I started building a relationship with this guy Jesus I learned so much about as a kid. I started to hear His voice, feel His presence and His amazing unconditional perfect love at that altar week after week. And slowly as my relationship with Jesus grew, the anxiety, fear, and worry, started to disappear.
I spent the summer between my freshman and sophomore year running to that altar every week, desperately craving that time with my Creator. Those moments there were more beautiful and perfect than I could put into words. I was being transformed in so many ways and it was certainly supernatural. I was building this relationship with the God I had heard so much about and He had healed me so gently and sweetly.
This is only part of why I love Jesus so much. He healed me. The kind of fear, worry, and anxiety I had doesn't just go away on its own. It was dark, deep, and all consuming and enveloping. And yet, in my darkest moment when most people would be scared to get close to me, Jesus drew me in with open arms and loved me with an unconditional, supernatural love that is like nothing I've ever experienced.
That was almost 20 years ago and I still remember it like yesterday. Because Jesus still does things like that for me today and He has all along in my relationship with Him.
So this is part of my story. There is more I will share soon, but I wanted you all who don't know me too well to understand why I serve a God I can't see. I pray you can find hope in my story.
Monday, April 29, 2019
April 29, 2019
How on earth did we get here?! Why does time seem to go so slow, but looking back, seem so fast? It's weird. We just got back from an amazing vacation in the Outer Banks with friends and we had a BLAST! We can't wait to go back and have already started a countdown for next year. We all had a tremendously amazing Spring Break and all had a hard time getting back to the normal school routine.
I dropped the boys off at school this morning and immediately started thinking about what I had to accomplish at home: unpacking, cleaning, laundry, just getting life back in order. There's a TON to do and definitely not enough time to do it. I sat down to check emails, do some bills, and put in a food order and I thought to myself, "I should read a quick devotional before I begin this day."
When I read the devotional it was on Colossians 3 about keeping our mind and focus on things above. How appropriate for this day. Here I am, so focused on things in this house, already getting overwhelmed. I need to readjust my focus.
I'll admit it's a bit difficult because there is so much to do, but it will be better for me if I put my focus on God. So Jesus, please help with that!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for blessing us with our trip. Thank you for good health, money, and fun. Thank you for everything this past week. Please help me keep my focus on You today as we get readjusted to post vacation life. Help me focus on You and keep my eyes on things above as I tackle the things of this house. Help me to prioritize appropriately. Thank you Jesus. Amen.
I dropped the boys off at school this morning and immediately started thinking about what I had to accomplish at home: unpacking, cleaning, laundry, just getting life back in order. There's a TON to do and definitely not enough time to do it. I sat down to check emails, do some bills, and put in a food order and I thought to myself, "I should read a quick devotional before I begin this day."
When I read the devotional it was on Colossians 3 about keeping our mind and focus on things above. How appropriate for this day. Here I am, so focused on things in this house, already getting overwhelmed. I need to readjust my focus.
I'll admit it's a bit difficult because there is so much to do, but it will be better for me if I put my focus on God. So Jesus, please help with that!
Dear Jesus,
Thank you for blessing us with our trip. Thank you for good health, money, and fun. Thank you for everything this past week. Please help me keep my focus on You today as we get readjusted to post vacation life. Help me focus on You and keep my eyes on things above as I tackle the things of this house. Help me to prioritize appropriately. Thank you Jesus. Amen.
Thursday, May 24, 2018
Can it really be?
Memorial Day weekend has officially (unofficially) started. My husband decided to take off tomorrow (the Friday before Memorial Day) after a long three weeks of standardized testing and we decided to keep my oldest home since it's going to be an awesome beach day. Tomorrow we'll all head to the beach for a family beach day! I'm looking forward to it.
I can't believe there are only 18 more days of school left! Only three full weeks left and summer is here! I remember last year being so ready for summer and being super emotional about how my son was graduating kindergarten. I feel a little different this year. I'm still so ready for summer, but I am not as emotional about my son graduating first grade. In fact, I am so extremely happy about it. This year was tough and we are all ready for it to be over.
The past few weeks have been bombarded with baseball games, birthday parties, BBQs, and lots of play time outside. It's been awesome! Finally the warmer weather is here and we are loving it! The boys are ready for summer and my oldest is ready to be done with school work.
While I am so excited for summer and don't seem to be emotional about having an almost second grader, I am emotional about my middle guy heading to kindergarten in September. All year I wanted to put him in pre-school, but it kept not working out. And I'm thankful it didn't. Our family was plagued with so much sickness that it would have been a waste of money since my kids were sick every other week. But now I'm glad it didn't work out because I would have missed him. And as much as I wanted him to go to school, now I'm dreading it.
My middle guy is definitely ready. He's been wanting to go to school since he's watched his brother go for two years. He has his backpack and lunch box and he is so ready. If I told him he could go to school tomorrow, he'd pack up his favorite stuffed Mickey, some snacks, and head off to school like a big man. I'm not ready for him to leave me. I'm not ready to only have one home. Oh it'll be weird. Oh my heart will ache. Oh September, come slowly.
I can't believe there are only 18 more days of school left! Only three full weeks left and summer is here! I remember last year being so ready for summer and being super emotional about how my son was graduating kindergarten. I feel a little different this year. I'm still so ready for summer, but I am not as emotional about my son graduating first grade. In fact, I am so extremely happy about it. This year was tough and we are all ready for it to be over.
The past few weeks have been bombarded with baseball games, birthday parties, BBQs, and lots of play time outside. It's been awesome! Finally the warmer weather is here and we are loving it! The boys are ready for summer and my oldest is ready to be done with school work.
While I am so excited for summer and don't seem to be emotional about having an almost second grader, I am emotional about my middle guy heading to kindergarten in September. All year I wanted to put him in pre-school, but it kept not working out. And I'm thankful it didn't. Our family was plagued with so much sickness that it would have been a waste of money since my kids were sick every other week. But now I'm glad it didn't work out because I would have missed him. And as much as I wanted him to go to school, now I'm dreading it.
My middle guy is definitely ready. He's been wanting to go to school since he's watched his brother go for two years. He has his backpack and lunch box and he is so ready. If I told him he could go to school tomorrow, he'd pack up his favorite stuffed Mickey, some snacks, and head off to school like a big man. I'm not ready for him to leave me. I'm not ready to only have one home. Oh it'll be weird. Oh my heart will ache. Oh September, come slowly.
Tuesday, March 27, 2018
March 2018
ots only a few short days before my oldest sons seventh birthday. I can’t believe he’s going to be seven! My heart.
This year has been tough. Caleb hasn’t enjoyed school as much as last year. He says it’s too much work, but I think it’s more then that. None of his friends from last year are in his class and he’s had a hard time adjusting to a new teacher. Sending him to school knowing he doesn’t want to be there has been very difficult. There are some days he’s ok with going, like when there’s a holiday party, but most weeks when there’s nothing to look forward to, he always asks to stay home.
This has been hard on my mamas heart. Part of me what’s to keep him home but part of me wants him to learn and understand sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to. Regardless, it’s been a tough year, his birthday is coming up, and we are all counting down the days until summer.
Thinking about this time last year and I remember how Caleb was starting to get sick of school. His teacher had gone out on maternity leave and the log term substitute took over. Caleb had a hard time adjusting to a new teacher after he had spent most of the year with his normal teacher. He never really did adjust and by this time last year I could tell he was over school. Luckily with his birthday and a week long spring break, Caleb got the rest he needed to push through April, but come May, he was ready to be done. And I felt the same.
I feel the same way this year. It was around this time I was ready for summer and to have my son back with me every day all day. Spring break was so very welcomed and we enjoyed the time together as a family. Caleb and Hannies birthdays along with Easter were a great distraction through the month of April, but come May we were ready for long beach days.
Tomorrow is calebs class party and Thursday is a half day. Friday starts spring break and I’m hoping we can spend time together as a family for all of it. I know with Hannies birthday coming up soon, April will fly by and we’ll be in May. May was the toughest month so I’m preparing myself now. It seems forever long when you’re just so done with school.
I’m ready for summer. It’s been cold too long this march. I’m ready for the beach, rainy days inside baking and playing with my three kids, pool days, bike rides, ice cream, and having daddy home longer in the mornings and earlier in the evenings. We had such a great time last summer and I can’t wait to do it again.
While I’m ready to have my oldest home with us 24/7, I’m dreading that last day of school because it won’t be long after that last day of school that the first day of school will come again and I can’t imagine having a second grader. Not only that, my middle guy will be entering kindergarten in September. I’ll have two kids in school. For the first time in five and a half years, I’ll be home with only one kid. I’m not ready for it.
This year has been tough. Caleb hasn’t enjoyed school as much as last year. He says it’s too much work, but I think it’s more then that. None of his friends from last year are in his class and he’s had a hard time adjusting to a new teacher. Sending him to school knowing he doesn’t want to be there has been very difficult. There are some days he’s ok with going, like when there’s a holiday party, but most weeks when there’s nothing to look forward to, he always asks to stay home.
This has been hard on my mamas heart. Part of me what’s to keep him home but part of me wants him to learn and understand sometimes we have to do things we don’t want to. Regardless, it’s been a tough year, his birthday is coming up, and we are all counting down the days until summer.
Thinking about this time last year and I remember how Caleb was starting to get sick of school. His teacher had gone out on maternity leave and the log term substitute took over. Caleb had a hard time adjusting to a new teacher after he had spent most of the year with his normal teacher. He never really did adjust and by this time last year I could tell he was over school. Luckily with his birthday and a week long spring break, Caleb got the rest he needed to push through April, but come May, he was ready to be done. And I felt the same.
I feel the same way this year. It was around this time I was ready for summer and to have my son back with me every day all day. Spring break was so very welcomed and we enjoyed the time together as a family. Caleb and Hannies birthdays along with Easter were a great distraction through the month of April, but come May we were ready for long beach days.
Tomorrow is calebs class party and Thursday is a half day. Friday starts spring break and I’m hoping we can spend time together as a family for all of it. I know with Hannies birthday coming up soon, April will fly by and we’ll be in May. May was the toughest month so I’m preparing myself now. It seems forever long when you’re just so done with school.
I’m ready for summer. It’s been cold too long this march. I’m ready for the beach, rainy days inside baking and playing with my three kids, pool days, bike rides, ice cream, and having daddy home longer in the mornings and earlier in the evenings. We had such a great time last summer and I can’t wait to do it again.
While I’m ready to have my oldest home with us 24/7, I’m dreading that last day of school because it won’t be long after that last day of school that the first day of school will come again and I can’t imagine having a second grader. Not only that, my middle guy will be entering kindergarten in September. I’ll have two kids in school. For the first time in five and a half years, I’ll be home with only one kid. I’m not ready for it.
Friday, July 21, 2017
Summer Time and the Livins Certainly Easy
We are half way through the summer and I can't even believe it. How fast time goes with three little ones! I've lost count of the weeks it's been since school. All I know now is that there's six more weeks until school starts. I know this because we counted since we started seeing back to school things in the stores. I'm not ready. We're just settling into a summer routine (if that's even possible). I'm just getting used to having my oldest son home and setting off each morning for an adventure of some sort with three kiddos in tow.
We've been a busy brood! The first week out of school was an adjustment for all of us. I had planned to do absolutely nothing, just settle down, get ready for our week long vacation the following week, and enjoy all the time together, but that didn't go over so well. My oldest was bored, my middle one was thrilled to have his older brother home to torment, and the little one was annoyed by the sudden overwhelming presence of her older brother who was infringing on her space. I was just trying to survive without totally losing it. My days were spent refereeing and trying to keep the little ones entertained. Even though I didn't plan on it, we ended up going out most days because being indoors was not fun for anyone.
We hit the library where my son signed up to read a ton of books this summer to win a prize. We played at my son's school playground and waited for daddy to get off of work (he works at the school). We played outside in the pool. We went shopping. And we rode our bikes. It was a full week, even though I didn't indeed for it to be anything but lazy.
The second week out of school was spent in Long Beach Island with my side of the family. We had a blast! The boys played mini golf, twice! We did the rides, the arcade, the beach every day, the shops for fun souvenirs and beach toys, we walked down to the bay almost twice a day, rode scooters, played cards, watched cartoons, played with the cousins, visited the Barnegat Lighthouse, and ate donuts for breakfast and ice cream for dinner. The boys LOVED it and still talk about how much fun they had. They can't wait to do it again next summer!
The third week was the week of the fourth of July so there was a lot going on. There was the fourth of July parade, BBQ at my moms house, and other BBQs with friends and more family. It was a lot of fun and the kids felt like the vacation never ended!
Finally, the fourth week out, things started to slow down and we started spending more days at home than days out and about. Thank goodness I had spent a night researching Pinterest for fun things to do at home this summer because it was a rainy week and we were stuck indoors for most of it. One day we made homemade play dough which was a ton of fun. The kids enjoyed making it and than playing with it. On another day, we colored and played with kinetic sand. And on the last rainy day we made homemade graham crackers. In the few rare moments it stopped raining, we rushed outside to get some playing time in, but it was short lived. Over all, it was a fun week and we all enjoyed the down time and the time spent together with just our family.
The fifth week out was vacation Bible school week. My oldest did NOT want to go, but my middle one couldn't wait! Naturally, when we arrived, my oldest remembered how fun it was last year and rushed right in while the middle one latched onto my leg and wouldn't let go. It was a bit of a rough start for my younger guy, but by the end of the week he was doing better. Over all, the kids had a blast at VBS with their friends and cousins, they learned a lot about Jesus, came home with a ton of crafts, and learned a bunch of awesome new songs we're still singing and listening to every morning!
Is it really the end of the sixth week out of school? I can't believe it's been that long. It definitely doesn't feel like it. We spent the whole week outside. After a week spent at VBS, most of which took place indoors, we were all craving some beach time. We spent two days at the beach and another at my sister in laws pool. It's been a hot week, near 100, but the water has been beautiful and amazingly warm and refreshing. I feel like we are finally in the 'lazy' beach days of summer. Finally. I couldn't be happier. After all, this is what summer is about: beach days and pool days spent with friends and family enjoying the time off from school.
The summer is finally calming down as far as plans are concerned. Vacation is over. The Fourth of July is over. We don't have anything major planned for the rest of the summer so that means more lazy beach days to come!
I'm really enjoying having my whole brood home. The warm (and hot) weather is welcomed. Summer wasn't always my favorite time of year (fall is), but it's become my favorite because of all the family time. I knew I'd look forward to having my son home and I was right. I don't wish him back to school. I still want him home. I have six more weeks and I plan on enjoying every moment with my kiddos. After all, it all goes by so fast.
We've been a busy brood! The first week out of school was an adjustment for all of us. I had planned to do absolutely nothing, just settle down, get ready for our week long vacation the following week, and enjoy all the time together, but that didn't go over so well. My oldest was bored, my middle one was thrilled to have his older brother home to torment, and the little one was annoyed by the sudden overwhelming presence of her older brother who was infringing on her space. I was just trying to survive without totally losing it. My days were spent refereeing and trying to keep the little ones entertained. Even though I didn't plan on it, we ended up going out most days because being indoors was not fun for anyone.
We hit the library where my son signed up to read a ton of books this summer to win a prize. We played at my son's school playground and waited for daddy to get off of work (he works at the school). We played outside in the pool. We went shopping. And we rode our bikes. It was a full week, even though I didn't indeed for it to be anything but lazy.
The second week out of school was spent in Long Beach Island with my side of the family. We had a blast! The boys played mini golf, twice! We did the rides, the arcade, the beach every day, the shops for fun souvenirs and beach toys, we walked down to the bay almost twice a day, rode scooters, played cards, watched cartoons, played with the cousins, visited the Barnegat Lighthouse, and ate donuts for breakfast and ice cream for dinner. The boys LOVED it and still talk about how much fun they had. They can't wait to do it again next summer!
The third week was the week of the fourth of July so there was a lot going on. There was the fourth of July parade, BBQ at my moms house, and other BBQs with friends and more family. It was a lot of fun and the kids felt like the vacation never ended!
Finally, the fourth week out, things started to slow down and we started spending more days at home than days out and about. Thank goodness I had spent a night researching Pinterest for fun things to do at home this summer because it was a rainy week and we were stuck indoors for most of it. One day we made homemade play dough which was a ton of fun. The kids enjoyed making it and than playing with it. On another day, we colored and played with kinetic sand. And on the last rainy day we made homemade graham crackers. In the few rare moments it stopped raining, we rushed outside to get some playing time in, but it was short lived. Over all, it was a fun week and we all enjoyed the down time and the time spent together with just our family.
The fifth week out was vacation Bible school week. My oldest did NOT want to go, but my middle one couldn't wait! Naturally, when we arrived, my oldest remembered how fun it was last year and rushed right in while the middle one latched onto my leg and wouldn't let go. It was a bit of a rough start for my younger guy, but by the end of the week he was doing better. Over all, the kids had a blast at VBS with their friends and cousins, they learned a lot about Jesus, came home with a ton of crafts, and learned a bunch of awesome new songs we're still singing and listening to every morning!
Is it really the end of the sixth week out of school? I can't believe it's been that long. It definitely doesn't feel like it. We spent the whole week outside. After a week spent at VBS, most of which took place indoors, we were all craving some beach time. We spent two days at the beach and another at my sister in laws pool. It's been a hot week, near 100, but the water has been beautiful and amazingly warm and refreshing. I feel like we are finally in the 'lazy' beach days of summer. Finally. I couldn't be happier. After all, this is what summer is about: beach days and pool days spent with friends and family enjoying the time off from school.
The summer is finally calming down as far as plans are concerned. Vacation is over. The Fourth of July is over. We don't have anything major planned for the rest of the summer so that means more lazy beach days to come!
I'm really enjoying having my whole brood home. The warm (and hot) weather is welcomed. Summer wasn't always my favorite time of year (fall is), but it's become my favorite because of all the family time. I knew I'd look forward to having my son home and I was right. I don't wish him back to school. I still want him home. I have six more weeks and I plan on enjoying every moment with my kiddos. After all, it all goes by so fast.
Thursday, June 15, 2017
The Eve of My Son's Last Day of Kindergarten
How did we get here? It seems like yesterday my son was walking into the school building unsure of what awaited him through the big maroon doors. I can remember so vividly a few tears in his eyes as he lined up outside with the rest of his class. I can remember his red polo shirt and his khaki shorts. I can remember his Disney Cars backpack and the white plastic bag full of school supplies in his hand. My goodness he was so little. He seemed to get lost among all the teachers, students, and parents waiting outside. Looking back that red polo was so appropriate. He was my heart, and it was like my little, red heart was walking around outside of my body that day. I remember saying, "I love you, bud," as he walked into the building, but barely getting out those words because a giant lump entered my throat as I opened my mouth.
I remember missing him so much the first few weeks. I nurtured this sweet boy 24/7 for the first five and a half years of his life and this was the first time we were ever apart for an extended period of time. This was all so new and it took some adjusting. I needed more time to adjust then he did. By the third day he couldn't wait to get to school. It took me a month to get used to him not being home. Well, maybe not 'used to,' just distracted enough by my three year old and 6 month old. By November, I was figuring out a routine and more comfortable with my boy being gone most of the day. I got used to him being in school, but I can't say I ever stopped missing him. If he told me he didn't like school, I'd pull him out in an instant and home school, probably out of my own selfish desire more then anything.
I didn't mind when he was sick this past winter because that meant I got to spend extra time with him. He didn't like missing school and I didn't like seeing him upset about missing out, but I loved those few extra days with him. It was like the good 'ol days, when my sweet boy was with me all the time.
Once we got through flu/cold season, my sweet boy didn't miss any school. In the middle of May I noticed it had been several months since he had missed a day of school and I contemplated keeping him home simply because I missed him and I was ready to have him home for the summer break. There were several nights where I'd grab him out of bed and go get ice cream or go for a walk with him, hand in hand of course. I was just really missing him, just like I did in the beginning. I wanted my boy back. Every day I asked him if he wanted to take a day off, but he said no and I didn't want to make him do something he didn't want to do.
Toward the end of May, I started getting super emotional when I thought about my son. How is he six now? How is this school year almost over? Where has the time gone? I didn't like having an almost first grader. It made me feel old and it made me realize my baby wasn't a baby anymore. Kindergarten sounded so 'babyish' but first grade sounded so much more mature.
I used to laugh at those moms who would talk about tearing up over their kid's preschool/kindergarten graduation or whatever. Now, I get it. Your baby isn't a baby anymore when they end a school year, at least it seems that way. In a way, they are a whole year older, and it goes way too fast. You realize how much time you didn't get with them, how quickly the coming years are going to go, and how you're almost afraid to blink because if you do you'll be sitting at a high school graduation wondering how in the world you got there.
This is how I feel on the eve of my oldest son's last day of kindergarten, like time has flown by, like he's officially not a baby anymore, like this year was the fastest yet, but they're only going to get faster and that's scary. There's a fear he won't need me soon, he won't let me snuggle him or kiss him, that he'll be too concerned about his friends and not spending time with his mom. It's emotional.
On the eve of his last day, I am so beyond grateful I got five and a half years at home with my sweet son. Despite all the endless days, nights, frustration, exhaustion, fights over his picky eating, the drudgery some days of even waking up to a fussy toddler, the boogie noses, the poopie diapers, and spit up, despite all the fear, worry, and anxiety of raising a decent kid, I'm so thankful my husband suggested I stay home with our baby boy that night standing in the kitchen of our little condo when I was five months pregnant with him. It was a LONG five and a half years, but it really wasn't. It was a mere blip on the radar.
Looking back, this year has made me realize how important time is with my son. I've realized how time gets faster once your kids are in school. I realize how much more time is spent in school then at home. I value every minute I get with him because it won't be long before I'll be sitting her on the eve of his last day of first grade and I can only imagine I'll be just as emotional because I'll not only have a second grader, but I'll be losing my second son to kindergarten. And we'll do this all over again.
So forgive my rambling. I'm just a mama who's little boy is growing up too fast for her heart to handle.
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