Allow me to vent. A) this day has been interesting. I woke up with timable contractions since 8 am, but then they stopped. I fell asleep, woke up and had more timable contractions. Then, they stopped again. I've been having them randomly throughout the day. My thoughts: Boy, this sucks. B) What is with Lindsay Lohan? I want to knock that girl in the teeth. I have no idea what she is up to these days, but I do know that she is all over the web. I don't care to read about her life, but it annoys me that news websites have nothing better to report than what is going on in Lind-sanity's life. My thoughts: Get a clue.
What frustrates me is that there is a whole other world going on around us and these people (i.e. mainly reality TV stars and celebrities) have no clue. Hasn't anyone told them about Jesus? Can I be a missionary to Hollywood? Haha that would be awesome. :) I digress, but it's frustrating to watch these self absorbed people walk around like there is no one in the world but them. I sometimes wonder what really goes through their minds. Do they think about a spiritual world or do they not even care? It is just so sad.
I just needed to vent.
By the way, if I go into labor today, it was because of the Oreos I ate last night........
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
Life-Giving Faith
"How may I more and more abandon myself from any earthly, human fellowship, until I am absolutely so bound to God that God has the right-of-way to the throne of my heart, until the center of my emotions is blessedly purified, until there is no room for anything except the Son of God, who is the Author and Finisher of faith?"
It is so hard sometimes to turn off the flesh. When our human minds get the best of us, they can cause some serious damage. I should know. I am a worrier. The fear of the unknown gets the best of me a lot of the time. Some would say it is a simple human characteristic, but I let it take over completely sometimes. And when I let Satan in just a little bit, he is capable of causing a big ruckus if I don't put my faith in God.
The reading that goes along with this devotional is from Romans 4:8-5:2 and it is the justification of Abraham's faith. Even when all hope was gone (especially in the human sense) Abraham held on and trusted God. That is the hardest thing to do. There are so many times in my life where I've given up on God. I've said it verbally and mentally over and over when things didn't go my way. I can honestly say that when all hope is lost, I give up on God. Good thing He doesn't give up on me! I look back and feel bad and of course ask God to forgive me, but then I do the same thing again when life gets tough.
It's funny because lately I have been giving up on God. I swore I would never do that again, especially after the experience I had with my whole job situation last year. For those of you that don't know, I was unemployed for about two months after I finished my teacher certification program. I was so desperate for a job, I cried out to God every day. There were days I completely gave up on Him and wanted nothing to do with Him. When things worked out (and I got a job just like He promised me) I felt bad and swore I would never give up on Him again because He proved Himself to me. However, only a year later, I am in the same boat, arguing, yelling and fighting with God to give me my way when I want it and when He doesn't, I give up on Him.
Thank goodness God is merciful and gracious. Where would I be if He wasn't?
It is so hard sometimes to turn off the flesh. When our human minds get the best of us, they can cause some serious damage. I should know. I am a worrier. The fear of the unknown gets the best of me a lot of the time. Some would say it is a simple human characteristic, but I let it take over completely sometimes. And when I let Satan in just a little bit, he is capable of causing a big ruckus if I don't put my faith in God.
The reading that goes along with this devotional is from Romans 4:8-5:2 and it is the justification of Abraham's faith. Even when all hope was gone (especially in the human sense) Abraham held on and trusted God. That is the hardest thing to do. There are so many times in my life where I've given up on God. I've said it verbally and mentally over and over when things didn't go my way. I can honestly say that when all hope is lost, I give up on God. Good thing He doesn't give up on me! I look back and feel bad and of course ask God to forgive me, but then I do the same thing again when life gets tough.
It's funny because lately I have been giving up on God. I swore I would never do that again, especially after the experience I had with my whole job situation last year. For those of you that don't know, I was unemployed for about two months after I finished my teacher certification program. I was so desperate for a job, I cried out to God every day. There were days I completely gave up on Him and wanted nothing to do with Him. When things worked out (and I got a job just like He promised me) I felt bad and swore I would never give up on Him again because He proved Himself to me. However, only a year later, I am in the same boat, arguing, yelling and fighting with God to give me my way when I want it and when He doesn't, I give up on Him.
Thank goodness God is merciful and gracious. Where would I be if He wasn't?
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Why is it that....??
I can't remember exactly who I was talking to, but I've heard this comment several times in the past few weeks and it really got to me. It's something I always knew to be true and have thought about frequently, but lately more and more people are pointing it out and there's something to be said about it.
We all know miracles happen. If you work in the medical field, I'm sure you've seen a few. If you've had kids, I'm sure you've seen some. But we don't see miracles all the time. In fact, I think it's safe to say they are few and far between. But why is it that when we talk of miracles today, they usually take place in foreign countries? Do you find that to be the case? It just seems like when we hear about miracles, they happen in third world countries where you would never expect miracles to happen. Is it because they are desperate that they have nothing to rely on but God? Is it because we, as Americans, are too comfortable in our life styles that we don't need to depend on God because we can depend on doctors, medicine, or buy whatever it is we need to help ourselves? I am very curious as to why that is.....
We all know miracles happen. If you work in the medical field, I'm sure you've seen a few. If you've had kids, I'm sure you've seen some. But we don't see miracles all the time. In fact, I think it's safe to say they are few and far between. But why is it that when we talk of miracles today, they usually take place in foreign countries? Do you find that to be the case? It just seems like when we hear about miracles, they happen in third world countries where you would never expect miracles to happen. Is it because they are desperate that they have nothing to rely on but God? Is it because we, as Americans, are too comfortable in our life styles that we don't need to depend on God because we can depend on doctors, medicine, or buy whatever it is we need to help ourselves? I am very curious as to why that is.....
I'm okay with it...
So I wanted to continue my thirty day challenge and read my Smith Wiggleworth devotional every day, but I haven't been keeping up with it like I wanted to. I have to admit, I get very distracted on the weekends. My husband is home and we are still preparing for a baby so we are usually running around picking up a few last minute things (we are definitely over prepared)! I'm usually so tired by the time we get back home from shopping that I fall asleep for quite sometime. I know it sounds like an excuse, but it's true. I have to admit too that reading my devotional is the last thing on my mind as I wait for this baby to get here.
The doctors have been telling me since four weeks ago that he'd be arriving, but clearly, Caleb (our son) has had other plans. It is getting very frustrating. Each day I expect him to come and when he doesn't, I get upset. I shouldn't rely on what the doctors say because they obviously have NO idea what they are talking about. I knew that from the beginning, but part of me wanted to believe they knew something no one else did. Each day I sit around and wait, thinking today will be the day. I try not to do too much in an attempt to save up my energy, but eventually I get bored and go crazy (as in super clean the house or go out somewhere). PS I've tried ALL the tricks of getting this baby out and none have worked. Those silly old wives tales are, well, old wives tales and they don't work. Just because you ate a hamburger the night you went into labor doesn't mean the hamburger did the trick. If I go into labor sometime today, I will not say the oatmeal I ate for breakfast did it. That just sounds silly. But somewhere, a bunch of crazy pregnant ladies came up with these theories and people believed them. I'm at the point where I'm just 'banking on Jesus,' because nothing else is working. Clearly, (and according to my last post) God has an appointed time for this baby to come and no amount of walking, eating, jumping or squatting is going to change that. So I might as well sit back and wait and not kill myself by walking 134344 hours. Don't get me wrong, I will do what I got to do, but I'm not making it a point to walk excessively or drink castor oil. I would like to be able to say that God had a plan for when this baby was going to arrive and nothing I did could change that. I feel like that's so much better than saying it was the cheeseburger I ate the night before that sent me into labor....
So, I went to the doctors yesterday and asked them about being induced. I have been battling the whole idea of being induced the whole time I've been pregnant because in a way, I feel like it's 'playing God,' but the doctor insisted that I not go beyond 41 weeks because of potential placenta problems. At this point, I could honestly care less how they get the baby out as long as he comes out (well I shouldn't say it like that, but I am very ready to get rid of this belly). I was a little upset at first at the talk of being induced, but I feel like if this is the plan God has for me, then that's fine. I don't know what God's plan is for my labor, but I do know I can trust that He has it under control and that if I do get induced because Caleb doesn't come on his own, then it was God's plan all along. And I'm okay with it.
I did read my devotional today too. Before I talk about it though, I want to share something. My husband pointed something interesting out yesterday in the doctors office. He asked me what I would do if the doctor came in and checked me and said I was 5 centimeters dilated and had to go to the hospital because the baby was coming. I, thinking that this could actually happen, started panicking and freaked out. "I'm not ready, I'm not ready.." I said. I got really hot and started sweating. "I can't do this, I'm scared." My husband looked at me like 'oh boy here we go again.' He told me I'd be fine and not to worry. I shot back at him, "you're not the one who has to go through this. It's hard." He looked at me sympathetically and asked me what happened to my faith? I just stared at him. He then asked me if I had been reading my Smith Wigglesworth devotions. I told him I finished my thirty day challenge, but I hadn't read in a few days. He told me he could tell because my faith was dwindling. He told me I should read it again because when I read it, it helped me not to be scared. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. I thought about the one devotion I read during my thirty day challenge about how if we don't get into the Word every day we aren't advancing and that was exactly what was happening to me. Not only wasn't I advancing, I was going backwards in my faith.
This morning (after I ate my oatmeal that will send me into labor) I kept staring at my devotional book. The last time I read Smith Wigglesworth, I must have left the book on the coffee table because there it was staring directly at me. I've heard people say things like 'it spoke to me and I had to pick it up.' Well, I had one of those moments. It was literally staring at me, urging me, almost darking me to pick it up. Taking the advice from my husband, I did just that.
The devotion was about a double cure. It wasn't about JUST being saved, but having the Holy Spirit in your life. Being saved is awesome (and I'm sure everyone who is would agree), but having the Holy Spirit move in your life is that much better. It's like having ice cream, but what's ice cream without sprinkles? Ice cream is good by itself, but add some sprinkles and it's way better. When you have the Holy Spirit in your life, God moves in big and mighty ways and it's just awesome. Seek and you will find, ask and you will receive. We are all capable of accepting the Holy Spirit into our lives.
The doctors have been telling me since four weeks ago that he'd be arriving, but clearly, Caleb (our son) has had other plans. It is getting very frustrating. Each day I expect him to come and when he doesn't, I get upset. I shouldn't rely on what the doctors say because they obviously have NO idea what they are talking about. I knew that from the beginning, but part of me wanted to believe they knew something no one else did. Each day I sit around and wait, thinking today will be the day. I try not to do too much in an attempt to save up my energy, but eventually I get bored and go crazy (as in super clean the house or go out somewhere). PS I've tried ALL the tricks of getting this baby out and none have worked. Those silly old wives tales are, well, old wives tales and they don't work. Just because you ate a hamburger the night you went into labor doesn't mean the hamburger did the trick. If I go into labor sometime today, I will not say the oatmeal I ate for breakfast did it. That just sounds silly. But somewhere, a bunch of crazy pregnant ladies came up with these theories and people believed them. I'm at the point where I'm just 'banking on Jesus,' because nothing else is working. Clearly, (and according to my last post) God has an appointed time for this baby to come and no amount of walking, eating, jumping or squatting is going to change that. So I might as well sit back and wait and not kill myself by walking 134344 hours. Don't get me wrong, I will do what I got to do, but I'm not making it a point to walk excessively or drink castor oil. I would like to be able to say that God had a plan for when this baby was going to arrive and nothing I did could change that. I feel like that's so much better than saying it was the cheeseburger I ate the night before that sent me into labor....
So, I went to the doctors yesterday and asked them about being induced. I have been battling the whole idea of being induced the whole time I've been pregnant because in a way, I feel like it's 'playing God,' but the doctor insisted that I not go beyond 41 weeks because of potential placenta problems. At this point, I could honestly care less how they get the baby out as long as he comes out (well I shouldn't say it like that, but I am very ready to get rid of this belly). I was a little upset at first at the talk of being induced, but I feel like if this is the plan God has for me, then that's fine. I don't know what God's plan is for my labor, but I do know I can trust that He has it under control and that if I do get induced because Caleb doesn't come on his own, then it was God's plan all along. And I'm okay with it.
I did read my devotional today too. Before I talk about it though, I want to share something. My husband pointed something interesting out yesterday in the doctors office. He asked me what I would do if the doctor came in and checked me and said I was 5 centimeters dilated and had to go to the hospital because the baby was coming. I, thinking that this could actually happen, started panicking and freaked out. "I'm not ready, I'm not ready.." I said. I got really hot and started sweating. "I can't do this, I'm scared." My husband looked at me like 'oh boy here we go again.' He told me I'd be fine and not to worry. I shot back at him, "you're not the one who has to go through this. It's hard." He looked at me sympathetically and asked me what happened to my faith? I just stared at him. He then asked me if I had been reading my Smith Wigglesworth devotions. I told him I finished my thirty day challenge, but I hadn't read in a few days. He told me he could tell because my faith was dwindling. He told me I should read it again because when I read it, it helped me not to be scared. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. I thought about the one devotion I read during my thirty day challenge about how if we don't get into the Word every day we aren't advancing and that was exactly what was happening to me. Not only wasn't I advancing, I was going backwards in my faith.
This morning (after I ate my oatmeal that will send me into labor) I kept staring at my devotional book. The last time I read Smith Wigglesworth, I must have left the book on the coffee table because there it was staring directly at me. I've heard people say things like 'it spoke to me and I had to pick it up.' Well, I had one of those moments. It was literally staring at me, urging me, almost darking me to pick it up. Taking the advice from my husband, I did just that.
The devotion was about a double cure. It wasn't about JUST being saved, but having the Holy Spirit in your life. Being saved is awesome (and I'm sure everyone who is would agree), but having the Holy Spirit move in your life is that much better. It's like having ice cream, but what's ice cream without sprinkles? Ice cream is good by itself, but add some sprinkles and it's way better. When you have the Holy Spirit in your life, God moves in big and mighty ways and it's just awesome. Seek and you will find, ask and you will receive. We are all capable of accepting the Holy Spirit into our lives.
Friday, March 25, 2011
Really God?? Are you serious??
Back in September I remember telling everyone that I couldn't wait to have a baby bump. I was about two-three months pregnant at the time and I wasn't showing. I desperately wanted a bump to show off, but my little peanut was still, well, little. I felt like I was in that awkward stage of looking fat, but not pregnant (every pregnant woman knows what I am talking about), and I just wanted to look pregnant so people could oooo and ahhh and touch my belly. :)
I'll never forget, one day, when I was telling a group of women how bad I wanted a bump. One woman said, "Oh just wait! When you get that bump, you are going to be like. 'Really God? Are you serious?'" I swore I'd never say that and that I'd embrace my bump like the proud pregnant girl I was already becoming.
Fast forward like six months and I think I've said that very statement like 50 THOUSAND times! Trust me, I had no intentions of disliking my bump, but it's getting ridiculous. How much can one person stretch?! It's not easy having a big ol belly, but I do thank God that I was one of the lucky ones that can have children. Although I am totally convinced that the women that can't have kids would be saying the same things as me if they were able (I hope that doesn't offend anyone). Maybe I am wrong, but I do think that because I swore I'd be forever grateful for getting pregnant, but sometimes it gets rough when you are carrying around extra weight and a little human inside of you (i.e. the foot that is forever in my ribs)!
Anyway, my point to this whole post (I digress)....yesterday, I had one of those days where I was like 'really God?' See, I really thought this baby would come yesterday. Call it a motherly instinct (or the makings of), but I just had some intuition. Well, I was completely wrong and barely had a contraction all day. I got so upset when the baby didn't come that I really feel like I started to get depressed. I have been so over being pregnant, that its hard to wake up every day and still be pregnant, when I know the baby could come any time and be fine (developmentally wise). Ugh, the waiting game stinks.
Anyway, in the midst of all my despair, my husband told me to pray and read the bible. Let me tell you, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I was angry at God. He was in control of all of this, why wasn't He making this baby come?! Eventually, I knew my husband was right and that I should open my bible, so I did. I prayed a quick prayer and told God I needed a word from Him to get me through. I randomly open the bible and land in Habbakuk 1. "What could God possibly show me in here?" I thought. I started reading.
Basically, Habbakuk is complaining to God asking Him why He hasn't answered His prayer yet (Habbakuk was praying that God would do justice on the Babylonians). Sounds familiar, so I keep reading. God tells Habbakuk that He hears His prayers and He will do justice on the Babylonians, but that Habbakuk has to wait for the appointed time. Want to know my thoughts after I read that? Exactly what you are probably thinking..."Seriously God?! I asked for a Word and this is what You give me?! And this is supposed to encourage me?!" Needless to say, I didn't like this particular Word.
I read on anyway thinking God must have gotten it wrong. Maybe I was supposed to read chapter 2....??
What I come to find out is that God does tell Habbakuk He will answer his prayers, but God tells Habbakuk He can't tell him much more because what He is going to do is going to be so great that Habbakuk wouldn't believe Him if He told him.
My mind begins to wonder and I think to myself, "So, there is an appointed time for this baby to come and basically all I can do is wait, but in the end God will do something so great that I could have never imagined it. So, does that mean the baby will come out of my nose?"
I have to admit, I was a little bitter toward the Word God gave me and I found myself asking God over and over, "Are you serious?" I know God is teaching me something through this (my guess is patience), but didn't I learn that already when I was unemployed looking for a job?
On the flip, I do get impatient when God doesn't answer my prayers right away. I guess I just expect Him to give me what I want, when I want it.
What's funny is whenever I picture myself with God, I am always throwing a hissy fit. I always get this same vision when I picture God and myself together. We are in a candy store, and I am on the ground kicking and screaming. God is staring at me, but He isn't mad. He is patient and loving. He moves His hand in the direction of the door and in an ever so loving way says, 'Ok, Gina, let's go.' I continue to kick and scream.
The vision hasn't changed so maybe I still need to learn patience.....
I'll never forget, one day, when I was telling a group of women how bad I wanted a bump. One woman said, "Oh just wait! When you get that bump, you are going to be like. 'Really God? Are you serious?'" I swore I'd never say that and that I'd embrace my bump like the proud pregnant girl I was already becoming.
Fast forward like six months and I think I've said that very statement like 50 THOUSAND times! Trust me, I had no intentions of disliking my bump, but it's getting ridiculous. How much can one person stretch?! It's not easy having a big ol belly, but I do thank God that I was one of the lucky ones that can have children. Although I am totally convinced that the women that can't have kids would be saying the same things as me if they were able (I hope that doesn't offend anyone). Maybe I am wrong, but I do think that because I swore I'd be forever grateful for getting pregnant, but sometimes it gets rough when you are carrying around extra weight and a little human inside of you (i.e. the foot that is forever in my ribs)!
Anyway, my point to this whole post (I digress)....yesterday, I had one of those days where I was like 'really God?' See, I really thought this baby would come yesterday. Call it a motherly instinct (or the makings of), but I just had some intuition. Well, I was completely wrong and barely had a contraction all day. I got so upset when the baby didn't come that I really feel like I started to get depressed. I have been so over being pregnant, that its hard to wake up every day and still be pregnant, when I know the baby could come any time and be fine (developmentally wise). Ugh, the waiting game stinks.
Anyway, in the midst of all my despair, my husband told me to pray and read the bible. Let me tell you, that was the last thing I wanted to do. I was angry at God. He was in control of all of this, why wasn't He making this baby come?! Eventually, I knew my husband was right and that I should open my bible, so I did. I prayed a quick prayer and told God I needed a word from Him to get me through. I randomly open the bible and land in Habbakuk 1. "What could God possibly show me in here?" I thought. I started reading.
Basically, Habbakuk is complaining to God asking Him why He hasn't answered His prayer yet (Habbakuk was praying that God would do justice on the Babylonians). Sounds familiar, so I keep reading. God tells Habbakuk that He hears His prayers and He will do justice on the Babylonians, but that Habbakuk has to wait for the appointed time. Want to know my thoughts after I read that? Exactly what you are probably thinking..."Seriously God?! I asked for a Word and this is what You give me?! And this is supposed to encourage me?!" Needless to say, I didn't like this particular Word.
I read on anyway thinking God must have gotten it wrong. Maybe I was supposed to read chapter 2....??
What I come to find out is that God does tell Habbakuk He will answer his prayers, but God tells Habbakuk He can't tell him much more because what He is going to do is going to be so great that Habbakuk wouldn't believe Him if He told him.
My mind begins to wonder and I think to myself, "So, there is an appointed time for this baby to come and basically all I can do is wait, but in the end God will do something so great that I could have never imagined it. So, does that mean the baby will come out of my nose?"
I have to admit, I was a little bitter toward the Word God gave me and I found myself asking God over and over, "Are you serious?" I know God is teaching me something through this (my guess is patience), but didn't I learn that already when I was unemployed looking for a job?
On the flip, I do get impatient when God doesn't answer my prayers right away. I guess I just expect Him to give me what I want, when I want it.
What's funny is whenever I picture myself with God, I am always throwing a hissy fit. I always get this same vision when I picture God and myself together. We are in a candy store, and I am on the ground kicking and screaming. God is staring at me, but He isn't mad. He is patient and loving. He moves His hand in the direction of the door and in an ever so loving way says, 'Ok, Gina, let's go.' I continue to kick and scream.
The vision hasn't changed so maybe I still need to learn patience.....
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Day 30 - The Bread of Healing
Well, here we are. Day 30. I would have never thought it would have come so quickly. It went by so fast! I will be honest and say that I did not do a good job of keeping on top of my devotionals. There were days I missed simply because I just didn't feel like opening the book. I do plan on doing this again though. And of course I do plan on doing a better job....
This devotional was interesting, as they all are haha. Wigglesworth talks about the Syro-Phoenician woman in Mark chapter 7. Her daughter was possessed with a demon and when Jesus came she asked Him to cast out the demon. Jesus does not cast out the demon right away. The woman almost has to persuade Jesus to cast out the demon. Jesus sees the woman's faith and casts out the demon after her response.
Point made: when we pray, we need to persevere.
This devotional was interesting, as they all are haha. Wigglesworth talks about the Syro-Phoenician woman in Mark chapter 7. Her daughter was possessed with a demon and when Jesus came she asked Him to cast out the demon. Jesus does not cast out the demon right away. The woman almost has to persuade Jesus to cast out the demon. Jesus sees the woman's faith and casts out the demon after her response.
Point made: when we pray, we need to persevere.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Day 29 - A Vision Becomes Reality
This devotional was so kool. This woman was sick and had a vision about being healed. The next day, the exact circumstances that occurred in her vision happened in real life. So kooooooooool. :) She believed the Word of God and His promises.
Wigglesworth says: "Become grounded. God wants you to take the Word, claim the Word, and believe the Word. That is the perfect way of healing. Do not turn to the right hand or to the left, but believe God...He wants you to dare to believe His Word."
I'm daring to believe...
Wigglesworth says: "Become grounded. God wants you to take the Word, claim the Word, and believe the Word. That is the perfect way of healing. Do not turn to the right hand or to the left, but believe God...He wants you to dare to believe His Word."
I'm daring to believe...
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