Been reading and studying Hebrews lately. I'm not really sure why I chose this particular book to study, but I do know I felt led to read it. Today, I read part of Hebrews 2. What stuck out to me the most was where it said that salvation was confirmed by Jesus and those who had heard and knew Him. Then, it says that "God also testified to it by signs, wonders and various miracles, and gifts of the Holy Spirit..." (Hebrews 2:4).
I read the footnotes on this and it said this: "God still desires that the testimony of Jesus be confirmed, especially among believers, by signs, wonders and various miracles and not by a testimony of words only."
Interesting. I am a big fan of sharing what God has done for me, in fact, I get very excited to tell people about it. I never stopped to think that it wasn't just about my words. I mean, I know that sometimes its about those other things, but why does it only have to be sometimes that miracles happen? Why don't miracles happen as often as when I share God's awesomeness with my words?
I think I've been missing something lately. Maybe we need to see more miracles. Personally, I'd like to see more, I don't know about you....
I'll be meditating on this the rest of the day....
maybe you should too....
Friday, April 27, 2012
Monday, April 23, 2012
The Spirit won today
I have no idea what to title this blog yet. I'll give it a title when Im finished I suppose.
If I sat here and told you that planting a church was easy, I'd be lying. If I sat here and told you we didn't experience any spiritual warfare, I'd be lying. If I sat here and told you everyone was supportive, I'd be lying. If I sat here and told you life was perfect because I was doing God's work, I'd be lying. If I told you there were no disappointments, no sad moments through it all, I'd be lying. In fact, the exact opposite has been happening. Planting a church is not easy. The spiritual warfare has been almost unbearable. The lack of support is hurtful. Doing God's work makes it harder. The disappointment is overwhelming.
I wish I could sit here and tell the world I could handle this, but again, I'd be lying, well sort of. We've been in the process of planting a church for only a few weeks and we've been hit so hard that I've cried more times in the past few weeks then I have in my life (I am not a crier). The stress is exhausting. If this is what church planting entails, I wonder how any church ever gets planted. I was not prepared for this....
But there's something inside me that somehow is persevering and wants to keep going. My human instinct tells me to run in the opposite direction, that it's not worth it. The spirit in me says keep going. My human instinct tells me the stress is too much. The spirit in me is excited to do God's work no matter how hard it is. My human instinct tells me to give up the fight and flee. The spirit in me says you can do this and it's going to be awesome. My spirit is excited. My spirit says you can do it. My spirit is becoming louder than my human instinct.
Today, I thought the human in me was going to win the battle, but I didn't let it. Today, the spirit won.
James 1 flashed on the screen for a brief moment this morning as I was praying. Heres what it says: James 1:2-12 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. 9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business. 12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
God also reminded me of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Voi3JM8ZA
But there's something inside me that somehow is persevering and wants to keep going. My human instinct tells me to run in the opposite direction, that it's not worth it. The spirit in me says keep going. My human instinct tells me the stress is too much. The spirit in me is excited to do God's work no matter how hard it is. My human instinct tells me to give up the fight and flee. The spirit in me says you can do this and it's going to be awesome. My spirit is excited. My spirit says you can do it. My spirit is becoming louder than my human instinct.
Today, I thought the human in me was going to win the battle, but I didn't let it. Today, the spirit won.
James 1 flashed on the screen for a brief moment this morning as I was praying. Heres what it says: James 1:2-12 2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do. 9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business. 12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.
God also reminded me of this song: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n_Voi3JM8ZA
Friday, April 13, 2012
March 31, 2011
I arrived at the hospital on March 30 at 6PM thinking my baby boy would come that day. I was wrong. I stalled out at 6cm and the clock just kept right on going. My labor was slightly eventful though, which makes for a good story. I needed Pitocin, then more Pitocin, then more, and just when I thought there wasn't any more in the hospital to give, they gave me a little more. They gave me as much as they could. When I started to feel pain on my left side, they gave me some whacked out concoction of drugs that made my blood pressure drop to 50/40. Needless to say, I almost passed out. Good thing those docs know what they are doing because when my blood pressure dropped, the doc ever so casually walked toward me, as if he knew this could happen, and gave me another concoction of crazy drugs. Within seconds, I was feeling good. Modern medicine is a beautiful thing.
I could still feel pain on my left side, but it was totally bearable. All of a sudden, my baby's heart rate was down and I needed to be put on oxygen. Ugh, I hated that thing. It smelled funny. I'm talking about the oxygen mask. Bleh. Next thing I knew, the doctors got this crazy idea to flip me from side to side to get the baby's heart rate stable. This had to be the worst things in the world. If there was ever a time I wanted to curse someone out during labor, this was the time. How are you going to ask a pregnant lady, who has a ginormous belly, who's legs are completely numb, who is totally exhausted, to flop from side to side?! Looking back, it's funny to think about John and the nurses helping me flop to one side and then the other. LOL.
At one point, I started shaking uncontrollably which was totally annoying, but it was my body's way of saying, dude, I'm spent. Prayer helped the shaking subside. At around 2:05AM it was time to push! I remember the doc telling me there'd be a few extra people in the room because of the baby's heart rate and because the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. If you told me that there would need to be 4 extra nurses and doctors in the delivery room before I went into labor, I would have said, NO WAY! However, at that point, I was so exhausted, so drained physically, it did NOT matter who was in the room, I just wanted the baby out! So again, if there was ever ANOTHER time I wanted to curse during labor, this was the other time. The doc said, "Gina, because of the baby's heart rate, there needs to be a few extra people in the room when he's delivered to make sure he's okay." I think I shook my head or nodded or something, but in my mind I was thinking, "Please shut up and stop talking to me."
30 minutes later and what felt like 908324098234 pushes later, Caleb John-Gabriel was born! The first thing I felt was relief, but as soon as I heard him cry, my heart melted and it was the most beautiful sound in the whole world! What a skinny little thing he was, with chicken legs and arms! He looked just like his daddy, it was kinda freaky. LOL He had the biggest eyes in the world and he was so alert! He HUGE hands and was constantly trying to get them to his mouth. He was so cute and little!
At first, I was afraid to hold him because he was so fragile. John was good with babies because he had so many younger brothers and sisters, so he helped me get used to holding something so small. I'll be honest, I didn't know how to feel when they first handed him to me. Part of me was petrified. I was scared out of my mind. And part of me was excited he was finally here.
One year later, I look back on March 31, 2011 as the best day EVER! What a blessing my son is to me. He brings so much joy and happiness. He is just a perfect piece of human. He is everything I prayed for and more. He's sweet, happy, loves to smile, and he loves to snuggle! He is perfect!
Babies are an absolute gift from God and a complete blessing. God blesses us constantly, but a baby is the ultimate gift and blessing <3 I thank God for my precious son <3
I could still feel pain on my left side, but it was totally bearable. All of a sudden, my baby's heart rate was down and I needed to be put on oxygen. Ugh, I hated that thing. It smelled funny. I'm talking about the oxygen mask. Bleh. Next thing I knew, the doctors got this crazy idea to flip me from side to side to get the baby's heart rate stable. This had to be the worst things in the world. If there was ever a time I wanted to curse someone out during labor, this was the time. How are you going to ask a pregnant lady, who has a ginormous belly, who's legs are completely numb, who is totally exhausted, to flop from side to side?! Looking back, it's funny to think about John and the nurses helping me flop to one side and then the other. LOL.
At one point, I started shaking uncontrollably which was totally annoying, but it was my body's way of saying, dude, I'm spent. Prayer helped the shaking subside. At around 2:05AM it was time to push! I remember the doc telling me there'd be a few extra people in the room because of the baby's heart rate and because the cord was wrapped around his neck twice. If you told me that there would need to be 4 extra nurses and doctors in the delivery room before I went into labor, I would have said, NO WAY! However, at that point, I was so exhausted, so drained physically, it did NOT matter who was in the room, I just wanted the baby out! So again, if there was ever ANOTHER time I wanted to curse during labor, this was the other time. The doc said, "Gina, because of the baby's heart rate, there needs to be a few extra people in the room when he's delivered to make sure he's okay." I think I shook my head or nodded or something, but in my mind I was thinking, "Please shut up and stop talking to me."
30 minutes later and what felt like 908324098234 pushes later, Caleb John-Gabriel was born! The first thing I felt was relief, but as soon as I heard him cry, my heart melted and it was the most beautiful sound in the whole world! What a skinny little thing he was, with chicken legs and arms! He looked just like his daddy, it was kinda freaky. LOL He had the biggest eyes in the world and he was so alert! He HUGE hands and was constantly trying to get them to his mouth. He was so cute and little!
At first, I was afraid to hold him because he was so fragile. John was good with babies because he had so many younger brothers and sisters, so he helped me get used to holding something so small. I'll be honest, I didn't know how to feel when they first handed him to me. Part of me was petrified. I was scared out of my mind. And part of me was excited he was finally here.
One year later, I look back on March 31, 2011 as the best day EVER! What a blessing my son is to me. He brings so much joy and happiness. He is just a perfect piece of human. He is everything I prayed for and more. He's sweet, happy, loves to smile, and he loves to snuggle! He is perfect!
Babies are an absolute gift from God and a complete blessing. God blesses us constantly, but a baby is the ultimate gift and blessing <3 I thank God for my precious son <3
Friday, March 30, 2012
March 30, 2011
As previously stated, this day last year was so much more exciting. It was a Wednesday morning, a day after my due date, and when I woke up STILL pregnant, I lost my mind. I secretly hoped little man would make his appearance in the middle of the night even though I was very doubtful. My hope was pointless at that point. He just wasn't coming. I swore I'd be pregnant forever.
As I rolled onto my back in bed, I watched as Matt Lauer gave the morning's stories. I stared blankly at the tv and thought about how I'd get this baby out. I was determined that I'd do whatever it took, even drink castor oil. I was so desperate.
I honestly did not enjoy being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I was so appreciative and grateful that I was able to get pregnant because I know there are a lot of women who can't, but it was hard for me. I did enjoy it in the beginning. All the excitement of telling everyone and imagining a little human inside of me was so fun. As painful as it was to watch the scale go up, it was still neat to see my stomach distend. Even when I was put on moderate bed rest at 7 weeks and couldn't do more than walk from room to room in my house, I still enjoyed it. I enjoyed it all the way up to 5 months. that's when I started to 'not enjoy' it.
As soon as I hit five months, it just went downhill. My back hurt terribly. I couldn't sit at all. I had to either lay or stand. Sitting was very painful and uncomfortable. Then, there was this little foot stuck in my ribs at all times. I tried pushing it out (I mean I literally pushed on my belly to move little man), but it just managed to float right back up into my rib cage (imagine someone taking their elbow and digging it into your rib cage constantly). Everything just felt cramped in there. I'm not a big person to begin with and I think it was to my disadvantage at that point. It just felt like all my organs were mushed together. Before my next pregnancy, I'm asking God for a longer torso.
To be completely honest, I think at about 8 or 9 months, it actually got better. I think as my belly stretched out, so did Caleb. He was able to move outward a bit and I think it took the pressure off my spine. Although, he continued to keep his foot in the rib. I started going to the chiropractor which helped, too. You would think month 8 and 9 would be the worst because youre the biggest, but it actually wasn't too bad. I was never too big (although it definitely felt like it at times). I digress..
So this day last year, at 8AM, as I rolled onto my back and watched Matt Lauer, I felt something different. I had this weird feeling like my butt was falling off. I know it sounds funny, but that's the only way I can describe it. It just literally felt like my butt was falling. LOL. I had no idea what it was, but just assumed it had to do with me rolling over and the weight of the baby on my lower back.
As I laid there watching the Today Show, several minutes later, my butt started to feel like it was falling off again. I couldn't make any sense of it. Hoping and praying these weird feelings were contractions, I texted my sister in law and asked her if contractions felt like your butt's falling off. She told me yes and told me to time them. So I did. I had about 5 of these feelings at 8 minutes apart and then they stopped. I g-chatted John and told him. He asked me if he should come home, and since I was in total denial that this could be actual labor because I swore I'd be pregnant forever, I told him to stay at work.
Since those feelings stopped, I figured some breakfast would be good. It was around 9 AM when I got out of bed and headed into the kitchen. If in fact those feelings were an indication of real labor, I didn't want to have a ton of food in my belly, so I had some toast. I ate my toast in bed and decided some extra sleep would be good for me. So, at around 930AM, I fell back asleep.
I was having a good sleep until 11 AM. I woke up to that feeling again. You know the one I'm talking about, where it felt like my butt was falling off (hehehe). I thought to myself, 'what in the world is this? It's so weird!' I didn't start timing anything because I was still in denial, but I got up out of bed and decided to start my day.
I didn't do much this day last year. I sat on the couch, read news websites and random blogs, watched tv, did a devotional, and blogged. It was a pretty easy going day.
At around 2PM, I had to use the bathroom. So I got up, went to the bathroom, did my business and walked back into our family. However, as I was walking back to the couch, I got one of those weird feelings again, but this time, it was a little more intense. I felt it coming on, but didn't think anything of it. However, by the time I reached to TV console, I had to stop and breath through it. I remember holding onto the console thinking, 'Im definitely dying.' I will tell you though, it wasn't painful, it was just intense and it took my breath away. It was strong though. When the pain stopped, I stood up and said, 'that was werid,' and continued on my way back to the couch.
I had a chiropractic appointment that day at 330. After that last whopper of what I would later find out to be a contraction, I thought twice about going. I didn't want to be on the chiropractor table and get hit with one of those intense feelings. I didn't think I could just lay there without saying anything, acting like nothing was wrong, so I decided to cancel my appointment just in case.
I called the receptionist, who I knew quite well, and told her I might be in labor, although I wasn't sure, but I was cancelling my appointment. God definitely used her this day last year because as soon as I said 'labor' she told me to get outside and walk. Up until that point, doing anything but sitting on the couch wasn't appealing, but I decided she was right and that walking might do me some good. Plus, it would help pass the time.
So, at 230 PM, I got on the treadmill and started walking. I will be honest, at first, I thought about running. Once I was off moderate bed rest at 13 weeks, I ran pretty much every day. I ran the day prior, I could totally run still. I will tell you though, the Holy Spirit in me spoke up that day, and it was loud and clear. 'I don't think running is a good idea. Conserve your energy.' Hmm, makes sense. POWER WALK
I walked for an hour only having to stop once for one of those whoppers of a contraction. Again, not painful, just intense, and it took my breath away, so I had to stop, bend over, and try and concentrate on breathing. After an hour, I g-chatted the hubs and told him I was walking. I told him it seemed like those weird feelings were closer together. He said to keep walking and that he'd be home soon, so I did just that.
Back on the treadmill for another hour. This time, I timed those feelings and they were four to five minutes apart lasting anywhere from 130-2 minutes. Again, I only stopped once for one intense feeling, but the rest were barely noticeable. I walked until 430.
At 430, I got off the treads and decided a shower would be good. I hopped in the shower and by 5 I was out, just in time to see the hubs come threw the door. He asked me how I was feeling and suggested we should go to the hospital. I told him I didn't think I was really in labor because none of those feelings were really painful. I was convinced it was false labor or something. He said we should time them for the next hour and see what happens. So from 5-6, we timed them all while I was straightening my hair and perfecting my eye liner. I yelled (not because I was in pain, but so the hubs could hear me) from the bathroom every time I had a feeling and my husband, who was in the other room fixing his guitar, timed them on his watch. "I'm having one," I'd yell. He yelled back, "Ok." "It stopped," I'd yell after a few minutes. "That one lasted 2 minutes," he'd reply.
After an hour, we concluded these 'feelings' were coming every 4-5 minutes at about 2 minutes apart. The hubs suggested I call the doctor. I was still in denial, but I did it anyway. The doc called me back from the hospital and nonchalantly told me to come in to be checked out. I have to tell you, this reassured me. I could care less about labor and contractions, I was more concerned about getting sent home. I totally DID NOT want to be that girl that got sent home for false labor. Plus, if I was heading to the hospital, I was not turning back, this baby was coming out. I was done being pregnant.
The hubs and I packed up a few last things and headed to the hospital in Galloway. On the way I watched the clock like a hawk and timed my contractions. I could barely feel them! I was getting anxious about being sent home, so I did the dumbest thing anyone could ever do. I prayed for stronger, longer, harder, contractions. Now, bear with me for a second. Ever hear of the saying, "be careful what you wish/pray for?" That is very true. The contraction following my little prayer to Jesus was a WHOPPER. Not only did it feel like my butt was going to fall off, it felt like my head was going to fall off. I will say, that was the first time it actually hurt. I remember we were on the Parkway with no shoulder and all I wanted to do was jump out of the car and walk through that contraction. It was intense. I didn't yell or scream or anything crazy, for the record. In fact, I got quiet and didn't talk.
After that intense contraction, the rest were barely noticeable again. I consider that whopper of a contraction to be God's way of saying, "Yes, Gina, it IS real labor." I think I was convinced at that point. A few minutes later, we were at the hospital.
As I walked in totally normally (nothing like you see in the movies), I was worried I'd get sent home because if looks were everything, NO ONE would believe I was in labor. You couldn't tell. I could barely tell. It didn't hurt! So I decided to hone in on my acting skills and decided to play it up like I was in pain. I was NOT going home.
We walked into the reception area and asked for a pass up to labor and delivery. The receptionist smiled and sent us to the elevator. Ugh, the elevator, has to be a laboring woman's worst nightmare. I was semi-petrified we'd get stuck and I'd have a crazy story to tell everyone about how I had a baby in an elevator. You can imagine my relief when the doors opened on the third floor. The worry left me and my acting skills kicked in.
I stood in the hallway bent over like I was dying while we waited for someone to help us. I think at one point I fell to the floor. I had to make it seem like this was real. A nurse came and took us to triage, all while I walked bent over stopping and starting like I was dying. LOL
We got to triage and my doc came in right away. The moment of truth was upon us, I was either staying or going. The doctor checked me and I was 5cm! I'll never forget her words, "5cm. She's a keeper! You're having this baby tonight!" Ugh Praise God! "I'm not going to be pregnant anymore," I thought. As the doc walked out, I asked for an epidural, although I almost didn't ask. The contractions were never painful, except for one or two real intense ones. I almost thought I could do it naturally, but then I got real and thought, nah, give me some meds, I'm no superhero.
As soon as the doc left the room and as the nurse asked me a million questions to fill out the necessary paper work, John and I looked at each other with the biggest smiles on our faces. He mouthed 'I love you," and I mouthed it back. It was a special moment between the two of us.
Once the doc told me I was staying, my acting stopped, and some serious adrenaline kicked in. It was the same adrenaline that told me I could do this naturally. Any contractions I could feel before, I couldn't feel at all. Since I was hooked up to a machine, I asked her if I was in fact contracting. She said told me I was and I told her I couldn't feel anything. "Well, thats good," she said and laughed.
As she filled out the paper work, another nurse came in and started sticking IVs in all over the place. I will tell you, the worst part of labor is the IV they stick in your hand. THAT HURT. It was the only time I winced in pain during labor. Ugh, painful.
About 15 minutes later, I was in the delivery room just waiting. I played on the computer, talked to family, and soon the epidural man was there to give me some AMAZING drugs. I still wasn't in pain, but I decided getting the epidural was still a good idea. The epidural didn't hurt at all. I could barely feel it. I told the epidural man I had dental work that was more painful and he laughed. Soon, my legs were 'falling asleep.'
And as they say, the rest is history! This day last year, I sat, numb from the waist down, waiting for my little man to make his debut. If I thought this day last year was exciting, the next day was even better :)
As I rolled onto my back in bed, I watched as Matt Lauer gave the morning's stories. I stared blankly at the tv and thought about how I'd get this baby out. I was determined that I'd do whatever it took, even drink castor oil. I was so desperate.
I honestly did not enjoy being pregnant. Don't get me wrong, I was so appreciative and grateful that I was able to get pregnant because I know there are a lot of women who can't, but it was hard for me. I did enjoy it in the beginning. All the excitement of telling everyone and imagining a little human inside of me was so fun. As painful as it was to watch the scale go up, it was still neat to see my stomach distend. Even when I was put on moderate bed rest at 7 weeks and couldn't do more than walk from room to room in my house, I still enjoyed it. I enjoyed it all the way up to 5 months. that's when I started to 'not enjoy' it.
As soon as I hit five months, it just went downhill. My back hurt terribly. I couldn't sit at all. I had to either lay or stand. Sitting was very painful and uncomfortable. Then, there was this little foot stuck in my ribs at all times. I tried pushing it out (I mean I literally pushed on my belly to move little man), but it just managed to float right back up into my rib cage (imagine someone taking their elbow and digging it into your rib cage constantly). Everything just felt cramped in there. I'm not a big person to begin with and I think it was to my disadvantage at that point. It just felt like all my organs were mushed together. Before my next pregnancy, I'm asking God for a longer torso.
To be completely honest, I think at about 8 or 9 months, it actually got better. I think as my belly stretched out, so did Caleb. He was able to move outward a bit and I think it took the pressure off my spine. Although, he continued to keep his foot in the rib. I started going to the chiropractor which helped, too. You would think month 8 and 9 would be the worst because youre the biggest, but it actually wasn't too bad. I was never too big (although it definitely felt like it at times). I digress..
So this day last year, at 8AM, as I rolled onto my back and watched Matt Lauer, I felt something different. I had this weird feeling like my butt was falling off. I know it sounds funny, but that's the only way I can describe it. It just literally felt like my butt was falling. LOL. I had no idea what it was, but just assumed it had to do with me rolling over and the weight of the baby on my lower back.
As I laid there watching the Today Show, several minutes later, my butt started to feel like it was falling off again. I couldn't make any sense of it. Hoping and praying these weird feelings were contractions, I texted my sister in law and asked her if contractions felt like your butt's falling off. She told me yes and told me to time them. So I did. I had about 5 of these feelings at 8 minutes apart and then they stopped. I g-chatted John and told him. He asked me if he should come home, and since I was in total denial that this could be actual labor because I swore I'd be pregnant forever, I told him to stay at work.
Since those feelings stopped, I figured some breakfast would be good. It was around 9 AM when I got out of bed and headed into the kitchen. If in fact those feelings were an indication of real labor, I didn't want to have a ton of food in my belly, so I had some toast. I ate my toast in bed and decided some extra sleep would be good for me. So, at around 930AM, I fell back asleep.
I was having a good sleep until 11 AM. I woke up to that feeling again. You know the one I'm talking about, where it felt like my butt was falling off (hehehe). I thought to myself, 'what in the world is this? It's so weird!' I didn't start timing anything because I was still in denial, but I got up out of bed and decided to start my day.
I didn't do much this day last year. I sat on the couch, read news websites and random blogs, watched tv, did a devotional, and blogged. It was a pretty easy going day.
At around 2PM, I had to use the bathroom. So I got up, went to the bathroom, did my business and walked back into our family. However, as I was walking back to the couch, I got one of those weird feelings again, but this time, it was a little more intense. I felt it coming on, but didn't think anything of it. However, by the time I reached to TV console, I had to stop and breath through it. I remember holding onto the console thinking, 'Im definitely dying.' I will tell you though, it wasn't painful, it was just intense and it took my breath away. It was strong though. When the pain stopped, I stood up and said, 'that was werid,' and continued on my way back to the couch.
I had a chiropractic appointment that day at 330. After that last whopper of what I would later find out to be a contraction, I thought twice about going. I didn't want to be on the chiropractor table and get hit with one of those intense feelings. I didn't think I could just lay there without saying anything, acting like nothing was wrong, so I decided to cancel my appointment just in case.
I called the receptionist, who I knew quite well, and told her I might be in labor, although I wasn't sure, but I was cancelling my appointment. God definitely used her this day last year because as soon as I said 'labor' she told me to get outside and walk. Up until that point, doing anything but sitting on the couch wasn't appealing, but I decided she was right and that walking might do me some good. Plus, it would help pass the time.
So, at 230 PM, I got on the treadmill and started walking. I will be honest, at first, I thought about running. Once I was off moderate bed rest at 13 weeks, I ran pretty much every day. I ran the day prior, I could totally run still. I will tell you though, the Holy Spirit in me spoke up that day, and it was loud and clear. 'I don't think running is a good idea. Conserve your energy.' Hmm, makes sense. POWER WALK
I walked for an hour only having to stop once for one of those whoppers of a contraction. Again, not painful, just intense, and it took my breath away, so I had to stop, bend over, and try and concentrate on breathing. After an hour, I g-chatted the hubs and told him I was walking. I told him it seemed like those weird feelings were closer together. He said to keep walking and that he'd be home soon, so I did just that.
Back on the treadmill for another hour. This time, I timed those feelings and they were four to five minutes apart lasting anywhere from 130-2 minutes. Again, I only stopped once for one intense feeling, but the rest were barely noticeable. I walked until 430.
At 430, I got off the treads and decided a shower would be good. I hopped in the shower and by 5 I was out, just in time to see the hubs come threw the door. He asked me how I was feeling and suggested we should go to the hospital. I told him I didn't think I was really in labor because none of those feelings were really painful. I was convinced it was false labor or something. He said we should time them for the next hour and see what happens. So from 5-6, we timed them all while I was straightening my hair and perfecting my eye liner. I yelled (not because I was in pain, but so the hubs could hear me) from the bathroom every time I had a feeling and my husband, who was in the other room fixing his guitar, timed them on his watch. "I'm having one," I'd yell. He yelled back, "Ok." "It stopped," I'd yell after a few minutes. "That one lasted 2 minutes," he'd reply.
After an hour, we concluded these 'feelings' were coming every 4-5 minutes at about 2 minutes apart. The hubs suggested I call the doctor. I was still in denial, but I did it anyway. The doc called me back from the hospital and nonchalantly told me to come in to be checked out. I have to tell you, this reassured me. I could care less about labor and contractions, I was more concerned about getting sent home. I totally DID NOT want to be that girl that got sent home for false labor. Plus, if I was heading to the hospital, I was not turning back, this baby was coming out. I was done being pregnant.
The hubs and I packed up a few last things and headed to the hospital in Galloway. On the way I watched the clock like a hawk and timed my contractions. I could barely feel them! I was getting anxious about being sent home, so I did the dumbest thing anyone could ever do. I prayed for stronger, longer, harder, contractions. Now, bear with me for a second. Ever hear of the saying, "be careful what you wish/pray for?" That is very true. The contraction following my little prayer to Jesus was a WHOPPER. Not only did it feel like my butt was going to fall off, it felt like my head was going to fall off. I will say, that was the first time it actually hurt. I remember we were on the Parkway with no shoulder and all I wanted to do was jump out of the car and walk through that contraction. It was intense. I didn't yell or scream or anything crazy, for the record. In fact, I got quiet and didn't talk.
After that intense contraction, the rest were barely noticeable again. I consider that whopper of a contraction to be God's way of saying, "Yes, Gina, it IS real labor." I think I was convinced at that point. A few minutes later, we were at the hospital.
As I walked in totally normally (nothing like you see in the movies), I was worried I'd get sent home because if looks were everything, NO ONE would believe I was in labor. You couldn't tell. I could barely tell. It didn't hurt! So I decided to hone in on my acting skills and decided to play it up like I was in pain. I was NOT going home.
We walked into the reception area and asked for a pass up to labor and delivery. The receptionist smiled and sent us to the elevator. Ugh, the elevator, has to be a laboring woman's worst nightmare. I was semi-petrified we'd get stuck and I'd have a crazy story to tell everyone about how I had a baby in an elevator. You can imagine my relief when the doors opened on the third floor. The worry left me and my acting skills kicked in.
I stood in the hallway bent over like I was dying while we waited for someone to help us. I think at one point I fell to the floor. I had to make it seem like this was real. A nurse came and took us to triage, all while I walked bent over stopping and starting like I was dying. LOL
We got to triage and my doc came in right away. The moment of truth was upon us, I was either staying or going. The doctor checked me and I was 5cm! I'll never forget her words, "5cm. She's a keeper! You're having this baby tonight!" Ugh Praise God! "I'm not going to be pregnant anymore," I thought. As the doc walked out, I asked for an epidural, although I almost didn't ask. The contractions were never painful, except for one or two real intense ones. I almost thought I could do it naturally, but then I got real and thought, nah, give me some meds, I'm no superhero.
As soon as the doc left the room and as the nurse asked me a million questions to fill out the necessary paper work, John and I looked at each other with the biggest smiles on our faces. He mouthed 'I love you," and I mouthed it back. It was a special moment between the two of us.
Once the doc told me I was staying, my acting stopped, and some serious adrenaline kicked in. It was the same adrenaline that told me I could do this naturally. Any contractions I could feel before, I couldn't feel at all. Since I was hooked up to a machine, I asked her if I was in fact contracting. She said told me I was and I told her I couldn't feel anything. "Well, thats good," she said and laughed.
As she filled out the paper work, another nurse came in and started sticking IVs in all over the place. I will tell you, the worst part of labor is the IV they stick in your hand. THAT HURT. It was the only time I winced in pain during labor. Ugh, painful.
About 15 minutes later, I was in the delivery room just waiting. I played on the computer, talked to family, and soon the epidural man was there to give me some AMAZING drugs. I still wasn't in pain, but I decided getting the epidural was still a good idea. The epidural didn't hurt at all. I could barely feel it. I told the epidural man I had dental work that was more painful and he laughed. Soon, my legs were 'falling asleep.'
And as they say, the rest is history! This day last year, I sat, numb from the waist down, waiting for my little man to make his debut. If I thought this day last year was exciting, the next day was even better :)
Thursday, March 29, 2012
March 29, 2011
I can't help but sit here and think about this time last year. This day last year was a Tuesday and it was my 'due date.' Four weeks prior to this, I was already dilated 1.5 cm and 50% effaced, and the doctor told me I most likely would deliver early and I DEFINITELY wouldn't be late. So, I really believed the ETA would be the exact day my son would be born. It's a good thing I held my breath all day because he didn't come.
We actually had bible study that night at our house, even though I was totally convinced I would start contracting sometime during the day and we'd have to cancel. The contractions never came even though I tried all 'the tricks' to jump start labor. I actually went for a two mile run, squatted like a pro, and did 2983294 jumping jacks every time I thought about it. Even after I ran, I kept walking. You would think the baby would have slid right on out after that, but not a single contraction. I was discouraged and a little perturbed. I really thought I'd be pregnant forever.
My last doctors appointment was actually the day prior and the doctor checked my progress. I was 2 cm and 75% effaced. She couldn't believe I still hadn't had the baby. I told her I needed to 'see a light at the end of the tunnel' and asked her to schedule an induction. We scheduled one for Monday, April 4, 2011 (the first due date they gave me at 12 weeks). I was a little angry about having to schedule an induction because I wanted my son to come on his own, but I just couldn't bare being pregnant anymore. I was COMPLETELY over it.
I was mad. My son was supposed to be a March baby and here I was thinking he'd end up being an April baby. This messed up everything. He couldn't be an April baby because April's birthstone is a diamond and boys don't wear diamonds! An aquamarine gemstone was so much more fitting. Didn't my son know this?!
I left the doctors office very disappointed, but held on, hoping that my due date was special and accurate. But like I said, Tuesday, March 29, 2011, came and went without a single contraction. "Those stupid doctors," I thought that night, "they dont know anything! They told me I'd probably have this baby four weeks ago!"
I so desperately wanted my pregnancy to be over and I REALLY believed I was going to deliver early. I actually slept on extra blankets and towels just in case my water broke in the middle of the night (I did this for a week leading up to my due date and the days after). I believed running every day, eating weird things that people swore jump started labor, and pushing on my belly (gently of course) to get him to move down and out would make him come sooner. Of course, nothing worked.
If there's anything I learned from this day last year it's that God has a time for everything and no matter how hard we try, there are some things we just can't control. And we can sit and argue with God day and night, but God will work in His own time no matter how much we kick and scream. And there's no sense in worrying about things you can't control either. If I could go back and tell myself one thing this time last year, I would say, "Hey self, chill out, worrying and getting all anxious isn't going to make this baby come faster. God's in control, so sit back and get some sleep because you're not going to get any for the next month."
This day last year was the last day I was a normal (total overstatement) pregnant woman. Little did I know, the next day would be so much more exciting...
We actually had bible study that night at our house, even though I was totally convinced I would start contracting sometime during the day and we'd have to cancel. The contractions never came even though I tried all 'the tricks' to jump start labor. I actually went for a two mile run, squatted like a pro, and did 2983294 jumping jacks every time I thought about it. Even after I ran, I kept walking. You would think the baby would have slid right on out after that, but not a single contraction. I was discouraged and a little perturbed. I really thought I'd be pregnant forever.
My last doctors appointment was actually the day prior and the doctor checked my progress. I was 2 cm and 75% effaced. She couldn't believe I still hadn't had the baby. I told her I needed to 'see a light at the end of the tunnel' and asked her to schedule an induction. We scheduled one for Monday, April 4, 2011 (the first due date they gave me at 12 weeks). I was a little angry about having to schedule an induction because I wanted my son to come on his own, but I just couldn't bare being pregnant anymore. I was COMPLETELY over it.
I was mad. My son was supposed to be a March baby and here I was thinking he'd end up being an April baby. This messed up everything. He couldn't be an April baby because April's birthstone is a diamond and boys don't wear diamonds! An aquamarine gemstone was so much more fitting. Didn't my son know this?!
I left the doctors office very disappointed, but held on, hoping that my due date was special and accurate. But like I said, Tuesday, March 29, 2011, came and went without a single contraction. "Those stupid doctors," I thought that night, "they dont know anything! They told me I'd probably have this baby four weeks ago!"
I so desperately wanted my pregnancy to be over and I REALLY believed I was going to deliver early. I actually slept on extra blankets and towels just in case my water broke in the middle of the night (I did this for a week leading up to my due date and the days after). I believed running every day, eating weird things that people swore jump started labor, and pushing on my belly (gently of course) to get him to move down and out would make him come sooner. Of course, nothing worked.
If there's anything I learned from this day last year it's that God has a time for everything and no matter how hard we try, there are some things we just can't control. And we can sit and argue with God day and night, but God will work in His own time no matter how much we kick and scream. And there's no sense in worrying about things you can't control either. If I could go back and tell myself one thing this time last year, I would say, "Hey self, chill out, worrying and getting all anxious isn't going to make this baby come faster. God's in control, so sit back and get some sleep because you're not going to get any for the next month."
This day last year was the last day I was a normal (total overstatement) pregnant woman. Little did I know, the next day would be so much more exciting...
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
God is goooooood!
My sons first birthday is approaching quickly. For the entire month of March, I've been recalling back to this exact time last year. This time last year, I was FINALLY on maternity leave, just waiting for my precious angel to arrive. I was eager and excited to not be pregnant anymore and to get my body back. I was excited to have a baby to place in the perfectly decorated nursery I had so meticulously put together. What an exciting time it was!
However, today as I recalled the day my son was born, I was reminded of something. I was reminded of how God played such an active part in my labor. I remember like it was yesterday the second to last push before my son was born. I remember vividly staring up at the bright spotlight shining on me. I was physically and emotionally drained. It was 2:39 AM and labor was exhausting. I was on Pitocin and oxygen and it was wearing me out. My body was shaking from the trauma it was going through. I was so tired that I couldn't hold my breath for the 10 seconds the doctor counted for each push. I got to 5 and exhaled everything that was in me. I remember thinking, 'how do people hold their breath for 10 seconds?' by 3, I wanted to pass out! Needless to say I was physically spent.
So right before the second to last push, I stared into that bright light, and lost it. I broke down. It was the second time I cried during labor (the first time was then they told me I might need a C-section). I said, "I can't," and cried some more. I reached for my mom and asked her to help me. She looked at me with tears in her eyes wishing she could take the pain. The look on her face told me she couldn't help me, even though she so desperately wanted to. At the point, I knew no one could help me, I couldn't help myself because I was too drained..except for Jesus. It was a time in my life when I had no other option but to depend on Him. I knew I had nothing left physically. My body was done. That was evident by the constant shaking. That was my body's way of telling me, you have nothing left. So, I stared into that bright light, and cried to Jesus. I told Him I couldn't do it anymore and I needed help. I told Him He would have to do this for me because I had nothing left and that I needed some super natural strength.
All of a sudden, my mind said, you can do this..you are strong, GO! I wiped the tears away and pushed (for 5 seconds, not 10) and.....Caleb didn't come out. I looked back at that bright spotlight and yelled to Jesus in my mind, 'Jesus, did You hear me?! I can't do this!! I need Your help!' 5 seconds later, and one more push, Caleb John-Gabriel Wilson was born.
What I didn't find out until later was that after I prayed, Caleb's head came out and on last push the rest of his body was born.
As I look back on that day, I think about that moment. Physically and emotionally I was completely dry. I had nothing left to give. I HAD to depend on God because I couldn't do it on my own. What a glorious place to be in! People in 3rd world countries are in that similar position every day. They have to depend on God for food and shelter daily. Never in all my life did I have to depend on God like that. Yes, it is a blessing, but at the same time, I bet you my life would look a lot different if I had to depend on him for every little thing.
My goal is to be completely dependent on God like I was in labor. No more trying to do it on my own.
I have to say, the coolest thing about all of it is that part of me was a little worried Jesus wouldn't help me. Like, maybe He wanted me to do it on my own. But when you are solely dependent on Him, He doesn't disappoint. He was there in that delivery room. And the best part was, He didn't show up right at the end when I cried out to Him, He was there the whole time...like when they told me I might need a C-section and everyone prayed, and I quickly dilated and when I was shaking so bad because my body was physically exhausted and everyone prayed and I stopped.
God is so good. He will not let you down when You need Him most. I know it.
However, today as I recalled the day my son was born, I was reminded of something. I was reminded of how God played such an active part in my labor. I remember like it was yesterday the second to last push before my son was born. I remember vividly staring up at the bright spotlight shining on me. I was physically and emotionally drained. It was 2:39 AM and labor was exhausting. I was on Pitocin and oxygen and it was wearing me out. My body was shaking from the trauma it was going through. I was so tired that I couldn't hold my breath for the 10 seconds the doctor counted for each push. I got to 5 and exhaled everything that was in me. I remember thinking, 'how do people hold their breath for 10 seconds?' by 3, I wanted to pass out! Needless to say I was physically spent.
So right before the second to last push, I stared into that bright light, and lost it. I broke down. It was the second time I cried during labor (the first time was then they told me I might need a C-section). I said, "I can't," and cried some more. I reached for my mom and asked her to help me. She looked at me with tears in her eyes wishing she could take the pain. The look on her face told me she couldn't help me, even though she so desperately wanted to. At the point, I knew no one could help me, I couldn't help myself because I was too drained..except for Jesus. It was a time in my life when I had no other option but to depend on Him. I knew I had nothing left physically. My body was done. That was evident by the constant shaking. That was my body's way of telling me, you have nothing left. So, I stared into that bright light, and cried to Jesus. I told Him I couldn't do it anymore and I needed help. I told Him He would have to do this for me because I had nothing left and that I needed some super natural strength.
All of a sudden, my mind said, you can do this..you are strong, GO! I wiped the tears away and pushed (for 5 seconds, not 10) and.....Caleb didn't come out. I looked back at that bright spotlight and yelled to Jesus in my mind, 'Jesus, did You hear me?! I can't do this!! I need Your help!' 5 seconds later, and one more push, Caleb John-Gabriel Wilson was born.
What I didn't find out until later was that after I prayed, Caleb's head came out and on last push the rest of his body was born.
As I look back on that day, I think about that moment. Physically and emotionally I was completely dry. I had nothing left to give. I HAD to depend on God because I couldn't do it on my own. What a glorious place to be in! People in 3rd world countries are in that similar position every day. They have to depend on God for food and shelter daily. Never in all my life did I have to depend on God like that. Yes, it is a blessing, but at the same time, I bet you my life would look a lot different if I had to depend on him for every little thing.
My goal is to be completely dependent on God like I was in labor. No more trying to do it on my own.
I have to say, the coolest thing about all of it is that part of me was a little worried Jesus wouldn't help me. Like, maybe He wanted me to do it on my own. But when you are solely dependent on Him, He doesn't disappoint. He was there in that delivery room. And the best part was, He didn't show up right at the end when I cried out to Him, He was there the whole time...like when they told me I might need a C-section and everyone prayed, and I quickly dilated and when I was shaking so bad because my body was physically exhausted and everyone prayed and I stopped.
God is so good. He will not let you down when You need Him most. I know it.
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Mo Money Mo Problems
Lately, Ive been feelin the financial crunch. Its been 3 months since Christmas, and up until recently, we've been playing catch up financially. The crazy thing is, we didn't even spend that much during Christmas! We spent within our means, but for some reason, we just got behind. I don't like playing catch up. It's annoying and it makes me worry (worry is an over statement actually. I've gotten much better with really depending on God for our finances. Sometimes, I just try to make sense of our budget and that's when I stop depending on God and my mind takes over).
This past month, its been a real struggle tithing. Tithing is a big chunk of our income and its hard to give that money sometimes. Since we've been a little behind with our finances, it has been even harder to tithe. But I did it anyway. It was painful, but I did it. And you know what, Jesus came through AGAIN. I don't get why I forget this, but I do. John has gotten numerous opportunities to preach which has provided extra income and money opportunities just keep popping up.
#KeepTrustingGod
This past month, its been a real struggle tithing. Tithing is a big chunk of our income and its hard to give that money sometimes. Since we've been a little behind with our finances, it has been even harder to tithe. But I did it anyway. It was painful, but I did it. And you know what, Jesus came through AGAIN. I don't get why I forget this, but I do. John has gotten numerous opportunities to preach which has provided extra income and money opportunities just keep popping up.
#KeepTrustingGod
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