...I count it all as loss...

I sit here. It's a Friday night. My 19 month old is sleeping. My husband is reading article after article about the hottest new computer game on his Ipad. The tv is on, but no one is watching. I stare blankly at the laptop in front of me. I have no idea what I'm reading because I'm in deep thought. How did my life end up like this? What happened to those fun Friday nights out in high school and college? I swore my life would never be this way. Yet, here I am, doing exactly what I swore I'd never do.

Life used to be fun. Now, it just seems stressful and overwhelming. So much to do, so little time. Not enough time to do the things I want and desire. No time to foster new friendships and relationships. No time to work out as much as I want. No time to just breathe and enjoy life. Instead, I eat at the kitchen counter because actually getting to eat is a luxury between chasing my 19 month old and keeping him happy (yes, I have constant indigestion). I've convinced myself doing dishes is fun and therapeutic since I do them at least three times a day. And laundry? That's the highlight of my day.

It's Friday night. I sit here thinking. I'm slowly drowning in self despair. I tell myself I need to stop. I need Jesus. I need some hope. I turn to google. "Daily devotional for women." I see this verse: "Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance." James 1:2-3 

This is exactly what I need to read. 

My trial is minimal, but the road is no less rocky. I needed to see this. I needed to be reminded that when the world constantly fails me, God never does and He shows up at the perfect times. Like on this Friday night, when I feel like the biggest loser ever. 

Thank You God for who You Are and continue to Be in my life even though I constantly fail and disappoint You. Thank You for loving me no matter what. Thank You for being there for me when I feel alone. Thank You for giving me hope in a world that has none. Thank You for the trials that teach me how to persevere, persist, and trust. Thank You Father 

God has given me this verse: What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ - Philippians 3:8