A Beautiful Mess

Hi my name is Gina. At the urge of my beautiful sister in law, I started reading this book called "Carry On, Warrior: The Power of Embracing Your Messy, Beautiful Life." I was hesitant to read it at first because immediately upon receiving this book, I thought, "my life is fine. I don't need this book" I was wrong. After reading only the first few chapters, I decided to share something with you. I'm sharing it because I want you to know you aren't alone in hiding a messy life. We all do it. We all hide our imperfections. And the first step in healing that messy part of your life is realizing what's messy. Sometimes it's something we don't even realize until God reveals it to us.

So, here I go. And please know this is totally and completely uncomfortable for me, but if it helps someone, than it's worth it.

My name is Gina and I'm a mess. My skeletons? I had an eating disorder. And I'm afraid to this day it'll creep back up on me. I battle it daily. I'm like an addict. It's always there. I had sex before I was married and it messed me up. I had sex because it made me feel pretty and I thought it would make the guys I was having sex with like me more. I view sex as everything other than what God intended it for. Because of my sexual past, I feel gross about myself. After six years of marriage, I still don't understand why my husband loves me so much after what I did with guys other than him. I'm still recovering. I drank way too much because I thought it made me look cool and it helped me forget the depression I was battling in college. The morning afters were the worst. I contemplated suicide every time. I've held knives to my wrists. Instead of killing myself, I binge ate and had sex. I smoked pot because my boyfriend dealt it. There were times I tried to smoke and drink myself to death because I didn't want to face the next morning and that horrible, empty feeling.

Those are my skeletons. I've given them over to God and literally said, "here, take this mess, and make it beautiful." He's currently working on it.

Hi, my name is Gina and I am a Beautiful Mess.