March 29, 2011

I can't help but sit here and think about this time last year. This day last year was a Tuesday and it was my 'due date.' Four weeks prior to this, I was already dilated 1.5 cm and 50% effaced, and the doctor told me I most likely would deliver early and I DEFINITELY wouldn't be late. So, I really believed the ETA would be the exact day my son would be born. It's a good thing I held my breath all day because he didn't come.

We actually had bible study that night at our house, even though I was totally convinced I would start contracting sometime during the day and we'd have to cancel. The contractions never came even though I tried all 'the tricks' to jump start labor. I actually went for a two mile run, squatted like a pro, and did 2983294 jumping jacks every time I thought about it. Even after I ran, I kept walking. You would think the baby would have slid right on out after that, but not a single contraction. I was discouraged and a little perturbed. I really thought I'd be pregnant forever.

My last doctors appointment was actually the day prior and the doctor checked my progress. I was 2 cm and 75% effaced. She couldn't believe I still hadn't had the baby. I told her I needed to 'see a light at the end of the tunnel' and asked her to schedule an induction. We scheduled one for Monday, April 4, 2011 (the first due date they gave me at 12 weeks). I was a little angry about having to schedule an induction because I wanted my son to come on his own, but I just couldn't bare being pregnant anymore. I was COMPLETELY over it.

I was mad. My son was supposed to be a March baby and here I was thinking he'd end up being an April baby. This messed up everything. He couldn't be an April baby because April's birthstone is a diamond and boys don't wear diamonds! An aquamarine gemstone was so much more fitting. Didn't my son know this?!

I left the doctors office very disappointed, but held on, hoping that my due date was special and accurate. But like I said, Tuesday, March 29, 2011, came and went without a single contraction. "Those stupid doctors," I thought that night, "they dont know anything! They told me I'd probably have this baby four weeks ago!"

I so desperately wanted my pregnancy to be over and I REALLY believed I was going to deliver early. I actually slept on extra blankets and towels just in case my water broke in the middle of the night (I did this for a week leading up to my due date and the days after). I believed running every day, eating weird things that people swore jump started labor, and pushing on my belly (gently of course) to get him to move down and out would make him come sooner. Of course, nothing worked.

If there's anything I learned from this day last year it's that God has a time for everything and no matter how hard we try, there are some things we just can't control. And we can sit and argue with God day and night, but God will work in His own time no matter how much we kick and scream. And there's no sense in worrying about things you can't control either. If I could go back and tell myself one thing this time last year, I would say, "Hey self, chill out, worrying and getting all anxious isn't going to make this baby come faster. God's in control, so sit back and get some sleep because you're not going to get any for the next month."

This day last year was the last day I was a normal (total overstatement) pregnant woman. Little did I know, the next day would be so much more exciting...