Persistence

Saturday night at church was hard for me. I've been struggling since the whole job situation happened. At the end of church, John asked if anyone had a prayer request. I was VERY hesitant to bombard people with my issues and did not plan on saying anything. All of a sudden though, my mouth opened and I spoke.

Like I said, I wasn't planning on saying anything, but it was like something hit me on the back and made me speak (not physically of course). I said, "yeah, I have one. I'm just really struggling..." Honestly, I had a hard time explaining what I was struggling with because I wasn't even exactly sure what was bothering me, but I knew there was something. I feel like I rambled a bit until I actually figured out what it was. It was the fact that the whole job situation hurt me so bad that I turned from God for a bit and the spirit in me was struggling to get back to a deeper relationship with Him. I craved that deep connection I had before, but I couldn't get back there.

As I talked it out with my church family (who just so happens to be my REAL family), my father in law said the most profound thing that rung loudly in my ears. I have to tell you real quick. My father in law is an amazing man of God. Every time I talk to him, he says something that sticks with me, challenges me, or makes me think. He blows me mind with how knowledgeable he is. If you want an edifying, deep conversation about Jesus, call my father in law. He's good for that.

I digress, moving on. As I talked about my struggles, my father in law said something about persistence, and that we can't turn our backs on God and expect to go right back to a deep relationship with Him like before. God wants us to prove our faith by persistence. As soon as he said that word, persistence, I knew it was what God wanted me to hear. That word kept playing over and over and over in my head.

Fast forward a few days to today. As I'm running on the treadmill rocking out to my worship music, God reminded me of something. Bare with me as I try and explain....

A few weeks ago when we had that major storm and the power went out, we all got a taste of what people in third world countries go through day in and day out. Maybe I'm exaggerating, but having no electricity and no water during the dog days of summer was pretty bad.

During the few days without power, I tried to picture life as if this were the new normal. Would I still praise God when I was sweating bullets, with no AC, little food, no TV, no internet, with no relief in sight? I can't answer that and I hope I never have to experience that. But as I was thinking about that, I thought about those people in third world countries where they've been praying for years for God to help them. I started thinking about the Israelites in captivity and how they prayed for years. Would I be able to persist? Would I turn on God because He didn't answer my prayers fast enough? What would I do?

In a weird way, after the power outage, I asked God to teach me persistence. Because what if one day I'm called to the mission field and I get taken hostage (yes, I do think about those things)? Would I be one of those missionaries people talk about that knew they were going to die, but praised God til the end? Or what if we lose power again and we never get it back? Would I still be able to praise God when life took such a drastic turn for the worst? God reminded me of these thoughts today.

Two weeks after the power outage, God gave me exactly what I asked of Him. The job situation was a lesson about persistence. It was a lesson in praising Him anyway, even when things don't go my way. A lesson in trusting Him, no matter what.

Two weeks ago, I never thought I'd say this, but I found myself today thanking God for the trials. It's grown me, grown my faith, and made me a better person for Him.

I have to say, learning persistence is hard for me. I'm not used to waiting. I've always gotten what I wanted when I wanted it. After all, I am the baby of the family. Since the day I was born, I was doted upon by an older brother who thought I was the coolest thing since ice pops and pretzels, and my parents who longed for a baby girl. To this day, I am abundantly spoiled by my family and specifically by my husband. He gives me what I want and showers me with love and affection constantly. I don't need persistence in this human life...

But I need it in my spiritual life. And God knew that. So, here I am...learning persistence....