So today is my birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me! Thank you. :) I am 29 and Im not ashamed to announce it to the world. Age is just a number in my mind. I act and feel like a 20 year old. And that's all that matters, not the year on my birth certificate. So far, I've had a wonderful birthday. My parents took the family to Cape May on the 17th for dinner, a carriage ride around town and then some shopping. It was a great time and I look forward to going back next year. :) Today (the actual day of my birth), my husband surprised me by staying home from work..although he tricked me and pretended he went to work, then showed up at the door around 930 with flowers and gifts. He is the best husband ever! The best surprise ever! Caleb gave Momma tons of smiles this morning and cuddled with me for quite a bit. He is the best present I ever got! :)
The weekend and my actual birthday have been amazing, but just because it's my birthday doesn't mean that God stops working in our lives. It's not like He takes a day off to celebrate. In fact, even though its my birthday, I have received some bad news. John, who has been traveling two hours a day to and from work, heard back from Northfield that he did not get the job. Northfield is five minutes from the house and would have been such a blessing. It stinks. We've been through this before where he applied to a job closer and it didn't work out. The worst part is, is that John always gets down to like the final two applicants, but always winds up in second place. He said today, "Im always the best man, but never the groom when it comes to jobs."
This same thing happened around the same time last year. The year before, he was actually offered a job, but had to turn it down because they couldn't offer him enough money. So three years in a row, we trusted God and it didn't work out. Both of us are disillusioned. We have no idea why this keeps happening. We don't understand why God allows these things to happen. We are really sad. We are frustrated...
Im angry, annoyed, and baffled. We prayed that he wouldn't even get an interview if it wasnt meant to be, so what the heck?! Why??????????? Our friends and family have been really supportive and a lot of them keep telling us to trust that God has something better and that it wasn't Gods will and that God obviously has a plan. As comforting as those words can be, I don't want to hear them. Its frustrating. Then, tell me, what IS God's will because He's not sharing it with us. Three years we've been waiting...I'm running out of steam here.
I've asked God to show me things and make it all better. And I've realized this:
You can have all the faith in the world, but if it's not part of the grand plan, it's not going to happen.
To be honest, Im not sure how I feel about that. It definitely frustrates me. Then, why even bother with having faith? What's the point? If God has it all figured out, why don't we just sit back and let it happen?
Even though I am frustrated and angry, I have chosen to praise God anyway. I know He will come through for us, He always does, even if it is eventually....
Monday, December 19, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
What God is showing me lately Pt 2 - Our Relationship with God
God is showing me a lot and its hard to remember it all and put it in words, but I want to share.
God gives me little glimpses of our relationship with Him when I take a step back and view my relationship with my son. A few weeks ago, my baby boy started reaching for me. As a momma, this just melted my heart. His little hands stretched out toward me meant he needed me, he wanted me. Immediately, as if the world had stopped and nothing else mattered, all I could see was him and I immediately reached back and picked him up. His whimpers stopped and it gave me an idea of how Jesus feels about us. Jesus feels the same way when we reach for Him. He is right there to reach back and help us. And He loves it.
Another situation where God gave me a glimpse of our relationship with Him. My son is learning to crawl. He hasn't quite mastered the skill yet, but he is able to get up on his knees and rock back and forth. Yesterday, I was working him, helping him practice by getting him up on his knees and moving his legs. After a little awhile of helping him, I decided to was time for him to try on his own. I put a toy in front of him, but just out of his reach. My son reached, stretched, put both hands out in front to grab, but could not get the toy. I noticed he was trying to pull the blanket with the toy on it, he was trying to take the easy way out! Needless to say, nothing he did worked. I watched as he started to get frustrated. He whimpered, cried, and fussed. He so desperately wanted that toy! And then it hit me. God was using this situation to show me something.
We so many times in life, fuss, cry, and whimper to God about what we want. And yes, He wants to give it us, but He doesn't. He wants us to learn and grow on our own. If He handed everything to us, we would never learn anything. If I hand Caleb the toy every time, he will never learn to crawl. And as much as I want to just give him the toy to console him, I know I wouldn't be helping him in any way.
You feel me?
SO sometimes, when it feels like God isn't there or He's not answering your prayers, maybe its because He's teaching you something. Maybe you need to learn a new skill and if He hands you whatever you want, you might not learn it...
God gives me little glimpses of our relationship with Him when I take a step back and view my relationship with my son. A few weeks ago, my baby boy started reaching for me. As a momma, this just melted my heart. His little hands stretched out toward me meant he needed me, he wanted me. Immediately, as if the world had stopped and nothing else mattered, all I could see was him and I immediately reached back and picked him up. His whimpers stopped and it gave me an idea of how Jesus feels about us. Jesus feels the same way when we reach for Him. He is right there to reach back and help us. And He loves it.
Another situation where God gave me a glimpse of our relationship with Him. My son is learning to crawl. He hasn't quite mastered the skill yet, but he is able to get up on his knees and rock back and forth. Yesterday, I was working him, helping him practice by getting him up on his knees and moving his legs. After a little awhile of helping him, I decided to was time for him to try on his own. I put a toy in front of him, but just out of his reach. My son reached, stretched, put both hands out in front to grab, but could not get the toy. I noticed he was trying to pull the blanket with the toy on it, he was trying to take the easy way out! Needless to say, nothing he did worked. I watched as he started to get frustrated. He whimpered, cried, and fussed. He so desperately wanted that toy! And then it hit me. God was using this situation to show me something.
We so many times in life, fuss, cry, and whimper to God about what we want. And yes, He wants to give it us, but He doesn't. He wants us to learn and grow on our own. If He handed everything to us, we would never learn anything. If I hand Caleb the toy every time, he will never learn to crawl. And as much as I want to just give him the toy to console him, I know I wouldn't be helping him in any way.
You feel me?
SO sometimes, when it feels like God isn't there or He's not answering your prayers, maybe its because He's teaching you something. Maybe you need to learn a new skill and if He hands you whatever you want, you might not learn it...
What God is showing me lately
Tis the Season! Merry Christmas! God has done a lot and shown me a lot since the last time I've posted. I wish I was able to post more, but it's hard with a little baby. Since I don't have a lot of time to post, I would like to get to the point. :)
God has moved in tremendous ways in my life and its been awesome. Through bible study and ReDefine, He's been amazing. He's grown me in tremendous ways and I am so grateful. I wish I could share everything He has been doing in my life, but it would take me forever to write it down. Instead, I will share what He has been putting on my heart lately...
Yesterday, at bible study, my heart was breaking for Jesus. Here's why: last week, John and I were at Smithville Village. We love the village and frequent it often. When we went last Friday, we noticed an entire section of the parking lot was roped off. We didn't know why, but we soon found out. I was really craving a Diet Coke, so we immediately hit up the closest cafe. In there, the women behind the counter told us the reason half of the parking lot was roped off was because Santa was coming on the fire truck. Not only that, but he was going to be taking free pictures with the kids. He was coming within the hour, so John and I figured we'd hang around so Caleb could see Santa. So, we walked, ate, and before we knew it, Santa was arriving. The fire trucks were loud and the lights were blinking. With all the hoopla, you would have thought the president was coming. There was a big crowd waiting for Santa and little kids were jumping up and down. When Santa finally arrived and the fire truck pulled into the roped off portion of the parking lot in the village, Santa was lifted up and down on the ladder. Kids were waving and screaming with excitement. Parents were pointing and holding their children on their shoulders. Everyone was so excited to see Santa.
We stayed for about a minute. Caleb had no idea what he was looking at and John and I could care less about Santa. So we started walking away toward the car. I looked back as we were walking to see Santa again. I was trying to get 'into' like everyone else, but I couldn't. Was my Christmas spirit gone?
Then it hit me. God must be looking down on this with tears in His eyes. We have it all wrong. People are cheering and going crazy over Santa..almost to the point of worship. But would they do this for Jesus?
I don't have issues with Santa, and I think its fun for little kids to get into the idea of Santa, but when we go as far as gathering in big crowds to see him and make such a big deal about it, is it going to far?
Its kind of like celebrities. When people worship celebs. And when they see them they cry. They cry if a celeb touches their hand. They cry if a celeb talks to them. Celebrities are just people, not God.
I think this hurts God. I think He looks down on this and thinks, I created these people for me, not for Justin Bieber. Not for Michael Jackson, not for Lady Gaga, not for Santa.
God put us on this planet for the sole purpose of worshipping Him. So when we "worship" anything other then Him, its backwards. Its not what we were created for.
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with Santa, but I think sometimes people go overboard and I disagree with that. Would you get as excited to see Jesus as you would Santa? Would you gather in large crowds on a cold Friday night to see Jesus? Would you cry, jump up and down, and scream if you saw Him? Would you camp out over night in the pouring ran to get tickets to see Jesus? Just some food for thought....
God has really been showing me my purpose in life and why Im here and I take it very seriously. I don't want to stand in front of Jesus one day and wish I did more. I want to do everything Im supposed to do...
God has moved in tremendous ways in my life and its been awesome. Through bible study and ReDefine, He's been amazing. He's grown me in tremendous ways and I am so grateful. I wish I could share everything He has been doing in my life, but it would take me forever to write it down. Instead, I will share what He has been putting on my heart lately...
Yesterday, at bible study, my heart was breaking for Jesus. Here's why: last week, John and I were at Smithville Village. We love the village and frequent it often. When we went last Friday, we noticed an entire section of the parking lot was roped off. We didn't know why, but we soon found out. I was really craving a Diet Coke, so we immediately hit up the closest cafe. In there, the women behind the counter told us the reason half of the parking lot was roped off was because Santa was coming on the fire truck. Not only that, but he was going to be taking free pictures with the kids. He was coming within the hour, so John and I figured we'd hang around so Caleb could see Santa. So, we walked, ate, and before we knew it, Santa was arriving. The fire trucks were loud and the lights were blinking. With all the hoopla, you would have thought the president was coming. There was a big crowd waiting for Santa and little kids were jumping up and down. When Santa finally arrived and the fire truck pulled into the roped off portion of the parking lot in the village, Santa was lifted up and down on the ladder. Kids were waving and screaming with excitement. Parents were pointing and holding their children on their shoulders. Everyone was so excited to see Santa.
We stayed for about a minute. Caleb had no idea what he was looking at and John and I could care less about Santa. So we started walking away toward the car. I looked back as we were walking to see Santa again. I was trying to get 'into' like everyone else, but I couldn't. Was my Christmas spirit gone?
Then it hit me. God must be looking down on this with tears in His eyes. We have it all wrong. People are cheering and going crazy over Santa..almost to the point of worship. But would they do this for Jesus?
I don't have issues with Santa, and I think its fun for little kids to get into the idea of Santa, but when we go as far as gathering in big crowds to see him and make such a big deal about it, is it going to far?
Its kind of like celebrities. When people worship celebs. And when they see them they cry. They cry if a celeb touches their hand. They cry if a celeb talks to them. Celebrities are just people, not God.
I think this hurts God. I think He looks down on this and thinks, I created these people for me, not for Justin Bieber. Not for Michael Jackson, not for Lady Gaga, not for Santa.
God put us on this planet for the sole purpose of worshipping Him. So when we "worship" anything other then Him, its backwards. Its not what we were created for.
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with Santa, but I think sometimes people go overboard and I disagree with that. Would you get as excited to see Jesus as you would Santa? Would you gather in large crowds on a cold Friday night to see Jesus? Would you cry, jump up and down, and scream if you saw Him? Would you camp out over night in the pouring ran to get tickets to see Jesus? Just some food for thought....
God has really been showing me my purpose in life and why Im here and I take it very seriously. I don't want to stand in front of Jesus one day and wish I did more. I want to do everything Im supposed to do...
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