So today is my birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me! Thank you. :) I am 29 and Im not ashamed to announce it to the world. Age is just a number in my mind. I act and feel like a 20 year old. And that's all that matters, not the year on my birth certificate. So far, I've had a wonderful birthday. My parents took the family to Cape May on the 17th for dinner, a carriage ride around town and then some shopping. It was a great time and I look forward to going back next year. :) Today (the actual day of my birth), my husband surprised me by staying home from work..although he tricked me and pretended he went to work, then showed up at the door around 930 with flowers and gifts. He is the best husband ever! The best surprise ever! Caleb gave Momma tons of smiles this morning and cuddled with me for quite a bit. He is the best present I ever got! :)
The weekend and my actual birthday have been amazing, but just because it's my birthday doesn't mean that God stops working in our lives. It's not like He takes a day off to celebrate. In fact, even though its my birthday, I have received some bad news. John, who has been traveling two hours a day to and from work, heard back from Northfield that he did not get the job. Northfield is five minutes from the house and would have been such a blessing. It stinks. We've been through this before where he applied to a job closer and it didn't work out. The worst part is, is that John always gets down to like the final two applicants, but always winds up in second place. He said today, "Im always the best man, but never the groom when it comes to jobs."
This same thing happened around the same time last year. The year before, he was actually offered a job, but had to turn it down because they couldn't offer him enough money. So three years in a row, we trusted God and it didn't work out. Both of us are disillusioned. We have no idea why this keeps happening. We don't understand why God allows these things to happen. We are really sad. We are frustrated...
Im angry, annoyed, and baffled. We prayed that he wouldn't even get an interview if it wasnt meant to be, so what the heck?! Why??????????? Our friends and family have been really supportive and a lot of them keep telling us to trust that God has something better and that it wasn't Gods will and that God obviously has a plan. As comforting as those words can be, I don't want to hear them. Its frustrating. Then, tell me, what IS God's will because He's not sharing it with us. Three years we've been waiting...I'm running out of steam here.
I've asked God to show me things and make it all better. And I've realized this:
You can have all the faith in the world, but if it's not part of the grand plan, it's not going to happen.
To be honest, Im not sure how I feel about that. It definitely frustrates me. Then, why even bother with having faith? What's the point? If God has it all figured out, why don't we just sit back and let it happen?
Even though I am frustrated and angry, I have chosen to praise God anyway. I know He will come through for us, He always does, even if it is eventually....
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