One thing that drives me ABSOLUTELY nuts are those Christians who swear God has nothing but good things to say to them. As if God NEVER points out their faults or challenges them. People get real. No one is perfect, and I have a hard time believing you if you are going to sit here and try and convince me God doesn't reveal some 'truths' to you. Ever hear of the quote "the truth hurts?"
I have no doubt God loves you, but I have to question who you're hearing if He never has anything bad to say or reveals something that's not so nice. In fact, I would say that you AREN'T hearing from God if every now and then you don't hear something you don't like. How do I know this? Because God tells me things I don't like all the time! LOL Yes, I am open to whatever God has to tell me...or reveal to me. And a lot of the time, it sucks. It hurts, but I consider myself lucky that God would take the time to reveal it to me and allow me to realize what I need to fix. It's constructive criticism and if we are going to grow...we need of it every now and then.
Of course I wouldn't write all this without actually going somewhere with it so here is what God revealed to me today. :)
I am far from perfect, keep that in mind (thats why I mention it at the top of my blog in my summary...because people tend to forget). Anyhoo, lately I have been letting my mouth run like a constant faucet. No, I don't curse like a truck driver, but I have been just letting whatever is in my mind, spew out my mouth without a second thought. I wasn't always like that...its just been recently. I don't know why all of sudden I stopped controlling my mouth...I guess it started small and grew too much.
I can't sit here and figure out where it started or how, but I can tell you the verse God revealed to me today that stung a little:
"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:5 (NIV)
Thats pretty self explanatory, right?!
My peeps, be opened to whatever God wants to reveal to you. Yes, it may sting a little, but God will follow it up by reminding you He loves you over and over. So its all good! :)
Monday, September 26, 2011
Sunday, September 18, 2011
"God story...ready?"
Any time God has done something amazing in my life and I share it with people, I always say, "God story...ready?" And then I go on with this long story of how awesome God is.
So, I say...God story...ready?
So, I'm a stay at home mom, right? My husband and I decided that this would be best for our baby. That's not to say that we would put anyone down for sending their child to daycare. We just felt this was best for us and our situation. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my lil man. It is the most rewarding thing in the world, but it's also the hardest job I've ever had. It's the best and the worst. The best is seeing my son smile, the worst is the sleepless nights and days.
Im getting off topic...ANYWAY. It is a HUGE sacrifice to be home..especially financially. I don't know many people who can live off one salary, but we manage to do it. And I will tell you it is only by the power of God that we are able to do so. When we budget, we have just enough money to make all our bills...leaving us with little disposable income. That doesn't take into account random things that happen, but don't occur every month (I'm talking about getting oil changed in our cars, new windshield wipers, and other random expenses). It's hard going from having a lot of disposable income when i was working, to having, not so much. When I worked, my husband and I went out to dinner every weekend. When I wanted clothes, I went out and bought them without thinking twice about it. Now, we have to think about those things before we do it. Is there enough money?
Again, I digress. Since we don't have a lot of disposable income, it has been hard to tithe. If we didn't tithe, we'd have a lot of disposable income. It's tempting not to do so. And tithing is hard for me to begin with.
Anyway, last month, I decided that I HAD to tithe. It was hard, I'll admit, but I did it. And I'll say I took a leap of faith and tithed for the whole month. If you know me, you know I'm a realist and often too practical, so tithing for the month is CRAZY and definitely not practical. It was a huge leap of faith.
And you know what? I had nothing to worry about. God proved Himself to me, once again. Our bank account doesn't make sense. There is money in there and Im not sure where it came from. I feel like we spent way more than we usually do and there is still money in there. Not only that, but we have been blessed beyond belief. John has gotten multiple preaching opportunities that have provided extra income. I have gotten a part time job cleaning my parents humongus (is that even a word LOL) house, somehow bills that were supposed to be paid disappeared (I will explain in a bit), and appointments that were supposed to cost me money ended up being free. Free! God went above and beyond proving Himself to me. So much so, it was ridiculous! I couldn't wrap my mind around it, it was just crazy how God provided.
It's funny too, even after all that an unexpected bill came in the mail. I immediately went into panic mode. How are we going to pay this. Oh my gosh I can't take this. I need to get a job to pay for this stuff. Blah Blah Blah. It was probably by design that I went out for a run right after I opened this bill. I just talked to God on my run. I told Him I was worried, I was upset. I didn't want to worry about money, but how could I not? Before I could finish whining and complaining to Him, He said, "Gina, don't I ALWAYS prove myself to you? Have I ever let you down? Have you ever been without? Don't I always take care of you? When have I not taken care of you?" I immediately thought, "I know God, but it's hard."
After that, I decided to shut up. I just had to trust Him again. And I can honestly say I do.
I often look at Caleb and think about how God looks at us. Does He look at us with the same adoration? Does He smile at our every movement? Does He feel the same way about us as I do about Caleb. It's hard to image something I can't see loving me that much, but from people tell me and from what I read in the Bible, He does, although I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I have to trust and believe God wants to provide for us the same way my husband and I want to provide for Caleb. I wonder this though: if I could buy Caleb Disney World, I'd do it. I wonder if God wants to do the same for us....?? Im assuming He does want to give us the world, He just knows we couldn't handle it.
**About our bills disappearing: they haven't disappeared completely (although that would be awesome LOL) they only disappeared for this month. What happened was this: apparently the loan company who holds our student loans is updating their system and for some reason we didn't have to pay because of the update. Apparently, this system will be updated in October and we will have to continue to pay our loans, but it was a definite blessing to not have to pay for one month! :)
So, I say...God story...ready?
So, I'm a stay at home mom, right? My husband and I decided that this would be best for our baby. That's not to say that we would put anyone down for sending their child to daycare. We just felt this was best for us and our situation. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my lil man. It is the most rewarding thing in the world, but it's also the hardest job I've ever had. It's the best and the worst. The best is seeing my son smile, the worst is the sleepless nights and days.
Im getting off topic...ANYWAY. It is a HUGE sacrifice to be home..especially financially. I don't know many people who can live off one salary, but we manage to do it. And I will tell you it is only by the power of God that we are able to do so. When we budget, we have just enough money to make all our bills...leaving us with little disposable income. That doesn't take into account random things that happen, but don't occur every month (I'm talking about getting oil changed in our cars, new windshield wipers, and other random expenses). It's hard going from having a lot of disposable income when i was working, to having, not so much. When I worked, my husband and I went out to dinner every weekend. When I wanted clothes, I went out and bought them without thinking twice about it. Now, we have to think about those things before we do it. Is there enough money?
Again, I digress. Since we don't have a lot of disposable income, it has been hard to tithe. If we didn't tithe, we'd have a lot of disposable income. It's tempting not to do so. And tithing is hard for me to begin with.
Anyway, last month, I decided that I HAD to tithe. It was hard, I'll admit, but I did it. And I'll say I took a leap of faith and tithed for the whole month. If you know me, you know I'm a realist and often too practical, so tithing for the month is CRAZY and definitely not practical. It was a huge leap of faith.
And you know what? I had nothing to worry about. God proved Himself to me, once again. Our bank account doesn't make sense. There is money in there and Im not sure where it came from. I feel like we spent way more than we usually do and there is still money in there. Not only that, but we have been blessed beyond belief. John has gotten multiple preaching opportunities that have provided extra income. I have gotten a part time job cleaning my parents humongus (is that even a word LOL) house, somehow bills that were supposed to be paid disappeared (I will explain in a bit), and appointments that were supposed to cost me money ended up being free. Free! God went above and beyond proving Himself to me. So much so, it was ridiculous! I couldn't wrap my mind around it, it was just crazy how God provided.
It's funny too, even after all that an unexpected bill came in the mail. I immediately went into panic mode. How are we going to pay this. Oh my gosh I can't take this. I need to get a job to pay for this stuff. Blah Blah Blah. It was probably by design that I went out for a run right after I opened this bill. I just talked to God on my run. I told Him I was worried, I was upset. I didn't want to worry about money, but how could I not? Before I could finish whining and complaining to Him, He said, "Gina, don't I ALWAYS prove myself to you? Have I ever let you down? Have you ever been without? Don't I always take care of you? When have I not taken care of you?" I immediately thought, "I know God, but it's hard."
After that, I decided to shut up. I just had to trust Him again. And I can honestly say I do.
I often look at Caleb and think about how God looks at us. Does He look at us with the same adoration? Does He smile at our every movement? Does He feel the same way about us as I do about Caleb. It's hard to image something I can't see loving me that much, but from people tell me and from what I read in the Bible, He does, although I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I have to trust and believe God wants to provide for us the same way my husband and I want to provide for Caleb. I wonder this though: if I could buy Caleb Disney World, I'd do it. I wonder if God wants to do the same for us....?? Im assuming He does want to give us the world, He just knows we couldn't handle it.
**About our bills disappearing: they haven't disappeared completely (although that would be awesome LOL) they only disappeared for this month. What happened was this: apparently the loan company who holds our student loans is updating their system and for some reason we didn't have to pay because of the update. Apparently, this system will be updated in October and we will have to continue to pay our loans, but it was a definite blessing to not have to pay for one month! :)
I am not afraid
Sometimes I can't take it. It's probably my own fault. I read news websites. Forget about newspapers, they are a thing of the past. I live in a technologically advance society. The way I read news websites is equivalent to reading 198503 newspapers. But like I said, its my own fault. I choose to read about what's going on in the world, then spending hours on facebook damaging valuable brain cells. I like to stay up to date with what's going on in this world, but sometimes I just can't take it. It almost gets depressing.
I promise I am going somewhere with this.
Why does the news never have anything good to say? Why do they cover stories of people dying or people who are already millionaires getting richer? These are not things I want to read about. It's not that I don't care, it's just that its' depressing to read about good people dying and it makes me nauseous reading about people who are getting richer that don't need the money.
Speaking of which...the reason for this blog. I'm going to rant here...be prepared. My husband very cautiously turned on Micheal Moore's latest film, Capitalism: A love story. Bad idea, considering that I already know too much about politics and the greedy people involved. This movie was just a reminder of how corrupt people in politics truly are. The bailout was voted down (for those of you who don't know, it was to give money back to mortgage companies and banks...not to help the people). It was a good thing to vote this down. It's not the governments problem to help out banks. However, even though it was voted down...they re voted a few days later and it was passed. So here goes 700 billion dollars to help out these already rich and greedy executives so they could take luxurious vacations and have meetings pool side in paradise. How nice of them.
This makes my blood boil; however, I wasn't too upset...less than usual actually. I realized that I can no longer put my faith or trust in our AWESOME American government (something that I was taught growing up). And I know I should have never put my faith and trust in any man or thing because they WILL fail and disappoint me, but I was raised on the American dream in school and at home. I was taught to work hard and be rewarded. The harder I worked, the more I would get rewarded.
It kind of makes sense right? But what about those people who work 90 hours a week at three different jobs just to put food on the table and clothes on the backs of their children? I thought food and clothes were expected, not a reward. Or what about those people who wants jobs and can't get them, but would work hard if given the opportunity?
My friends, the American dream has failed us. That is why I am giving up on the idea that I will ever be rich. I do not believe what the government has fed me. I don't believe in working hard and making tons of money.
What I do believe in; however, is God. I believe God will always provide, no matter what happens in the economy. No matter what happens in the stock market. No matter what happens in the housing market. God will always be there to BAIL me out with His own stimulus package. And although I may never EVER see 700 billion dollars in my life time, I truly believe my needs will always be met. Yes, there will be things I wish I could have, but I know I don't NEED it. God is my government and He is always there for ME...He is not greedy, He is not worried about the economy, and He does not take lavish vacations with my tax money. Could you imagine God taking a vacay with my tithe?! LOL funny thought, right???
Anyway, I am a realist to a fault and I know that although I trust God with financial situations whole heartedly, I still live in this greedy world, so I am careful with how I spend my money and I do have a budget. But I believe thats what God wants me to do. God has provided my husband with a great job that provides for our family. Ultimately, the money he makes is God's. It is only fair that we are responsible with what God has given us (dawgs, I am preaching to myself too..I have to remind myself).
I know to some of you, this might seem crazy, to trust in something I can't see. However, if God didn't prove Himself to me over and over, then I wouldn't continue to trust Him.
Allow God to prove Himself to you..I guarantee He won't let you down. It's not in His nature.
I promise I am going somewhere with this.
Why does the news never have anything good to say? Why do they cover stories of people dying or people who are already millionaires getting richer? These are not things I want to read about. It's not that I don't care, it's just that its' depressing to read about good people dying and it makes me nauseous reading about people who are getting richer that don't need the money.
Speaking of which...the reason for this blog. I'm going to rant here...be prepared. My husband very cautiously turned on Micheal Moore's latest film, Capitalism: A love story. Bad idea, considering that I already know too much about politics and the greedy people involved. This movie was just a reminder of how corrupt people in politics truly are. The bailout was voted down (for those of you who don't know, it was to give money back to mortgage companies and banks...not to help the people). It was a good thing to vote this down. It's not the governments problem to help out banks. However, even though it was voted down...they re voted a few days later and it was passed. So here goes 700 billion dollars to help out these already rich and greedy executives so they could take luxurious vacations and have meetings pool side in paradise. How nice of them.
This makes my blood boil; however, I wasn't too upset...less than usual actually. I realized that I can no longer put my faith or trust in our AWESOME American government (something that I was taught growing up). And I know I should have never put my faith and trust in any man or thing because they WILL fail and disappoint me, but I was raised on the American dream in school and at home. I was taught to work hard and be rewarded. The harder I worked, the more I would get rewarded.
It kind of makes sense right? But what about those people who work 90 hours a week at three different jobs just to put food on the table and clothes on the backs of their children? I thought food and clothes were expected, not a reward. Or what about those people who wants jobs and can't get them, but would work hard if given the opportunity?
My friends, the American dream has failed us. That is why I am giving up on the idea that I will ever be rich. I do not believe what the government has fed me. I don't believe in working hard and making tons of money.
What I do believe in; however, is God. I believe God will always provide, no matter what happens in the economy. No matter what happens in the stock market. No matter what happens in the housing market. God will always be there to BAIL me out with His own stimulus package. And although I may never EVER see 700 billion dollars in my life time, I truly believe my needs will always be met. Yes, there will be things I wish I could have, but I know I don't NEED it. God is my government and He is always there for ME...He is not greedy, He is not worried about the economy, and He does not take lavish vacations with my tax money. Could you imagine God taking a vacay with my tithe?! LOL funny thought, right???
Anyway, I am a realist to a fault and I know that although I trust God with financial situations whole heartedly, I still live in this greedy world, so I am careful with how I spend my money and I do have a budget. But I believe thats what God wants me to do. God has provided my husband with a great job that provides for our family. Ultimately, the money he makes is God's. It is only fair that we are responsible with what God has given us (dawgs, I am preaching to myself too..I have to remind myself).
I know to some of you, this might seem crazy, to trust in something I can't see. However, if God didn't prove Himself to me over and over, then I wouldn't continue to trust Him.
Allow God to prove Himself to you..I guarantee He won't let you down. It's not in His nature.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
September 11...Random Thoughts
Tomorrow marks the 10th anniversary of the worst day in American history. I have to admit after watching tons of documentaries and special news additions, that I am getting rather upset. I feel like I am reliving that day over and over each time. It really is taking its toll on me. I would stop watching them, but I feel like I have to. I feel like its the American thing to do. I HAVE to remember. I HAVE to acknowledge those who died because I would want them to do the same for me or for a loved one. I can't block it out like it didn't happen because it did happen.
When I watch those documentaries, I try and put myself in that person's shoes. I try and understand what it must have been like. I was only 18 at the time. Young and naive. I didn't even really know what the World Trade Center was. I mean, I knew what it was, but I didn't realize how significant it was or its iconic importance to our country. I was miles away from the impacts, so I couldn't possibly understand what those people felt. But I have to somehow understand. I NEED to know what it felt like to be in the middle of it. Maybe its some subconscious way of preparing myself...just in case. I don't know.
Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly where I was. I was at home, getting ready for class. I watched as the second plane hit the second tower. I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew it was something bad by the reactions I saw on TV. I called my mom who told me everything was fine. I knew better because the news anchors were telling me differently and the emotion on each New Yorkers face spoke volumes.
I drove to school and listened to news radio. I didn't want to get out of the car. I wanted to hear every detail. What was happening to our country? I got out as I heard about the Pentagon. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand all that was happening.
I sat in my Calc class wondering what in the world was going on. Some girl ran into our class screaming and crying. She was looking for her boyfriend who sat across from me. He walked into the hallway with her and she cried as she said told him more planes were unaccounted for and some were headed for Atlantic City and the Sears Tower.
This scared me more than anything..more than the images themselves.
I went home that night hoping my parents would give me a definitive explanation of what was going on. The news was on as I walked in. My mom was cooking dinner and my dad was watching the news on the couch. I watched my dad's reaction as he watched the replay of the second plane going into the second tower over and over. I was waiting for his response to the images. Finally he said, "Oh my Gosh, its like a kamikaze." I asked him what that meant. He said, "its like they did it on purpose."
At that point, I got it. I understood. It all made sense. Someone was extremely mad at us and decided to do this. Before 9/11, in my naive little world, I could have never imagined someone would do that. That someone COULD do that. It changed my world.
To this day, I hold my breath and cringe whenever I hear a plane fly overhead and living by an air force base and the AC airport, its frequent. I am skeptical about anything in the air, preparing myself for the worse. I do not live in fear only because I have chosen to block the fear out, but like I said, I am always skeptical. I don't like flying and never have. 9/11 gives me more of a reason not to fly. If I do, I need valume. I search the plane up and down for anyone that looks suspicious. I would tackle someone if I had to. I probably would be arrested for profiling and accidentally trying to attack someone. I'll just stay away from planes for now.
The other day I heard a phone call that was recorded on 9/11. It was between a 911 operator and a guy from inside the tower. It records the last 5 minutes of this guys life. It ends with him screaming and the towers collapsing. I don't know why I listened to it because it gave me nightmares. I couldn't sleep for days. But I HAD to listen to it. I had to know what happened in the towers. I wanted to know what it was like for those people inside. After I listened to it, I questioned. Why did God not save those people? Why didn't He help them in some way? The guy inside the towers kept saying he couldn't breath because of the smoke and at one point he tells the operator to ask God to blow wind from the West. Why couldn't God do that? Why didn't He do it?
I know a lot of people were saved that day, but so many lost their lives. I wish it was different. I wish people didn't have to lose their lives. I wish people didn't have to suffer. Its heart breaking.
In the end, I thank God my family was safe. I mourn with those who lost loved ones. I remember those who died. I cry with those who cry. I have not gotten to the point where I can say I mourn the loss of the terrorists. I can't yet...I am still angry. I feel like they got what they deserved. Hell is an awful place and I feel like they deserve to be there. I know thats my human instinct taking over, but part of me does not want to forgive them. I can't. Maybe someday I can honestly say I forgive them, but today, I cannot. I feel like if I said I forgave them I would be slapping all those who lost loved ones in the face.
With God's help, one day I can move on...however, I will never forget <3
When I watch those documentaries, I try and put myself in that person's shoes. I try and understand what it must have been like. I was only 18 at the time. Young and naive. I didn't even really know what the World Trade Center was. I mean, I knew what it was, but I didn't realize how significant it was or its iconic importance to our country. I was miles away from the impacts, so I couldn't possibly understand what those people felt. But I have to somehow understand. I NEED to know what it felt like to be in the middle of it. Maybe its some subconscious way of preparing myself...just in case. I don't know.
Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly where I was. I was at home, getting ready for class. I watched as the second plane hit the second tower. I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew it was something bad by the reactions I saw on TV. I called my mom who told me everything was fine. I knew better because the news anchors were telling me differently and the emotion on each New Yorkers face spoke volumes.
I drove to school and listened to news radio. I didn't want to get out of the car. I wanted to hear every detail. What was happening to our country? I got out as I heard about the Pentagon. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand all that was happening.
I sat in my Calc class wondering what in the world was going on. Some girl ran into our class screaming and crying. She was looking for her boyfriend who sat across from me. He walked into the hallway with her and she cried as she said told him more planes were unaccounted for and some were headed for Atlantic City and the Sears Tower.
This scared me more than anything..more than the images themselves.
I went home that night hoping my parents would give me a definitive explanation of what was going on. The news was on as I walked in. My mom was cooking dinner and my dad was watching the news on the couch. I watched my dad's reaction as he watched the replay of the second plane going into the second tower over and over. I was waiting for his response to the images. Finally he said, "Oh my Gosh, its like a kamikaze." I asked him what that meant. He said, "its like they did it on purpose."
At that point, I got it. I understood. It all made sense. Someone was extremely mad at us and decided to do this. Before 9/11, in my naive little world, I could have never imagined someone would do that. That someone COULD do that. It changed my world.
To this day, I hold my breath and cringe whenever I hear a plane fly overhead and living by an air force base and the AC airport, its frequent. I am skeptical about anything in the air, preparing myself for the worse. I do not live in fear only because I have chosen to block the fear out, but like I said, I am always skeptical. I don't like flying and never have. 9/11 gives me more of a reason not to fly. If I do, I need valume. I search the plane up and down for anyone that looks suspicious. I would tackle someone if I had to. I probably would be arrested for profiling and accidentally trying to attack someone. I'll just stay away from planes for now.
The other day I heard a phone call that was recorded on 9/11. It was between a 911 operator and a guy from inside the tower. It records the last 5 minutes of this guys life. It ends with him screaming and the towers collapsing. I don't know why I listened to it because it gave me nightmares. I couldn't sleep for days. But I HAD to listen to it. I had to know what happened in the towers. I wanted to know what it was like for those people inside. After I listened to it, I questioned. Why did God not save those people? Why didn't He help them in some way? The guy inside the towers kept saying he couldn't breath because of the smoke and at one point he tells the operator to ask God to blow wind from the West. Why couldn't God do that? Why didn't He do it?
I know a lot of people were saved that day, but so many lost their lives. I wish it was different. I wish people didn't have to lose their lives. I wish people didn't have to suffer. Its heart breaking.
In the end, I thank God my family was safe. I mourn with those who lost loved ones. I remember those who died. I cry with those who cry. I have not gotten to the point where I can say I mourn the loss of the terrorists. I can't yet...I am still angry. I feel like they got what they deserved. Hell is an awful place and I feel like they deserve to be there. I know thats my human instinct taking over, but part of me does not want to forgive them. I can't. Maybe someday I can honestly say I forgive them, but today, I cannot. I feel like if I said I forgave them I would be slapping all those who lost loved ones in the face.
With God's help, one day I can move on...however, I will never forget <3
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