This morning I had the chance to spend time with my Father in heaven. I was in the car rockin out to some Hillsong coming back from food shopping. I was kind of in a daze, just driving along when I stopped and listened to the words, "Jesus I want more of You." Very powerful words if you ask me. Anyway, at that moment I became grateful. I was thankful for all that God has done for me and continues to do. I was grateful for the awesome food shopping trip I just had (yes, its true). If you are the main 'food shopper' in your house, then you will know the price of food has gone up. I go food shopping once every two weeks and every time I go, it seems the prices go up. I was so very thankful that I was able to make it out of ShopRite UNDER our budget! What a blessing!
Anyway, I thanked God over and over and I continued to rock out to my Hillsong CD. I sang the words like I truly meant them. Then, God revealed to me something I always knew, but forgot. He reminded me of the of love He has for me. He reminded me how He cherishes every moment I spend with Him. He reminded me of how He gives me every bit of His attention when the world is too busy to do so. He reminded me of how excited I get when Caleb smiles at me and how God gets the same way when we look up at heaven and smile at Him and thank Him for all that He's done for us. He reminded me of His gentle spirit, how He is not forceful on us, but He sits and waits for us to come meet with Him. He loves having a relationship with us.
Just amazing...God is truly amazing. Although I have always known these things about God, I needed to be reminded today. I'm not sure why I needed to be reminded of this, but God knows me better than I know myself, so I will just meditate on what He showed me.
I thank God today for His greatness, His mercy, and His unending love. My prayer today is that I do a good job in God's eyes and that I am doing what He wants me to be doing.
AMEN
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Put on the full armor of God!
As I begin writing this, I have no idea what to title it. I have several titles running through my mind, but I can't pick just one. Sometimes I write my blog, then title it (many accomplished authors do the same). I guess I will have to find some inspiration by my blog then I will title this one.
Disclaimer: this is an intense post. It might strike you as weird if you aren't used to Christian jargon or spiritual warfare. You've been warned ;)
Ok so lately life has been tough, in many aspects. Having a baby is like nothing I've ever experienced. Being married is tough at times since I've never had to care about anyone but myself. Here I am now, caring for a baby and a husband AND a house. It can get overwhelming. Not to mention the many physical, emotional, and spiritual attacks that have plagued my days. The physical and emotional attacks really don't matter in this world so I will spare the details. Besides, the spiritual attacks have been much worse and are probably the leading cause of the physical and emotional attacks.
Yes, I am talking about spiritual warfare. If you don't know what it is, check it out because its very real and it sucks. It's like fighting a battle with your thoughts (for me at least). I've heard people say that if we could see what goes on in the spirit realm, we would be VERY scared because apparently there are spiritual battles going on all around us every day. I just imagine angels and demons fighting in the sky. Could you imagine seeing that?! Good thing we can't! If you find that hard to believe just read Daniel 10:12-14. Daniel fasted for 21 days waiting for a vision from God. The reason he had to wait 21 days was because the angel that was to give him the message was fighting a spiritual battle against the demons and could not get to him. If you think that sounds nuts, you are not alone because as I write it, it's hard for me to believe, but it's true.
Anyhoo, I feel like I have been under unreal spiritual attack. I have always had issues with fear. I'm a scaredy cat and I am not afraid to admit it! LOL But seriously, I have fear issues. Most of the time, I am able to control it, but lately it has been so bad that it has been uncontrollable. Sometimes its so bad that I can literally feel the fear covering my entire body. It overwhelms my entire being. And let me tell you, it flipping sucks! Ugh, sometimes I lie awake and just wait for something bad to happen. My heart races and I just sit in fear until I talk myself out of being afraid. Of course I pray, but sometimes the fear is so bad that praying doesn't help. I ask God to help me, but I let the fear overtake my body so much, that a simple prayer doesn't help. Clearly, Satan knows this is my weakness and clearly, he uses this to mess up my day. And lately he has been using it to make me think God isn't there to help me. But, Cmon, I know better.
Where am I going with this? This morning I opened my Smith Wigglesworth devotional book (love that thing). And what is it about? Having Power over Satan! Hahahahahaha does God know what I need to hear or does God know what I need to hear?! LOL Unbelievable!
The verse that goes with it?! Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Preach.
Interestingly enough, I had this verse underlined in my bible. God must have shown this to me before, I just can't remember when or why. It doesn't matter though because He has shown it to me again for a reason. (end random thought).
What I find interesting about this verse is that it repeats itself. "Put on the full armor of God" is written twice, once in verse 11 and then again in verse 13. If you know anything about politics, to get a point across, politicians use repetition (recently, Obama was trying to get a bill passed...I think it was the latest Job Act..anyway, when he was trying to get the vote, he said 'we have to pass this bill' like 19459475 times). Clearly, Paul was trying to get a point across and that point was to put on the full armor or God. What is the full armor of God? Go read Ephesian 6! ;)
A few things Wigglesworth ends the devotional with: "If you try to join up with two things - the Lord and the devil - the devil will get you in the end. Allow Christ to be the Lord of your life." How appropriate for the lukewarm church of this day.
He also leaves with the thought for the day: "You are not going to oppose devils if you cannot master yourself, because you will soon find the devils to be bigger than yourself."
Disclaimer: this is an intense post. It might strike you as weird if you aren't used to Christian jargon or spiritual warfare. You've been warned ;)
Ok so lately life has been tough, in many aspects. Having a baby is like nothing I've ever experienced. Being married is tough at times since I've never had to care about anyone but myself. Here I am now, caring for a baby and a husband AND a house. It can get overwhelming. Not to mention the many physical, emotional, and spiritual attacks that have plagued my days. The physical and emotional attacks really don't matter in this world so I will spare the details. Besides, the spiritual attacks have been much worse and are probably the leading cause of the physical and emotional attacks.
Yes, I am talking about spiritual warfare. If you don't know what it is, check it out because its very real and it sucks. It's like fighting a battle with your thoughts (for me at least). I've heard people say that if we could see what goes on in the spirit realm, we would be VERY scared because apparently there are spiritual battles going on all around us every day. I just imagine angels and demons fighting in the sky. Could you imagine seeing that?! Good thing we can't! If you find that hard to believe just read Daniel 10:12-14. Daniel fasted for 21 days waiting for a vision from God. The reason he had to wait 21 days was because the angel that was to give him the message was fighting a spiritual battle against the demons and could not get to him. If you think that sounds nuts, you are not alone because as I write it, it's hard for me to believe, but it's true.
Anyhoo, I feel like I have been under unreal spiritual attack. I have always had issues with fear. I'm a scaredy cat and I am not afraid to admit it! LOL But seriously, I have fear issues. Most of the time, I am able to control it, but lately it has been so bad that it has been uncontrollable. Sometimes its so bad that I can literally feel the fear covering my entire body. It overwhelms my entire being. And let me tell you, it flipping sucks! Ugh, sometimes I lie awake and just wait for something bad to happen. My heart races and I just sit in fear until I talk myself out of being afraid. Of course I pray, but sometimes the fear is so bad that praying doesn't help. I ask God to help me, but I let the fear overtake my body so much, that a simple prayer doesn't help. Clearly, Satan knows this is my weakness and clearly, he uses this to mess up my day. And lately he has been using it to make me think God isn't there to help me. But, Cmon, I know better.
Where am I going with this? This morning I opened my Smith Wigglesworth devotional book (love that thing). And what is it about? Having Power over Satan! Hahahahahaha does God know what I need to hear or does God know what I need to hear?! LOL Unbelievable!
The verse that goes with it?! Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Preach.
Interestingly enough, I had this verse underlined in my bible. God must have shown this to me before, I just can't remember when or why. It doesn't matter though because He has shown it to me again for a reason. (end random thought).
What I find interesting about this verse is that it repeats itself. "Put on the full armor of God" is written twice, once in verse 11 and then again in verse 13. If you know anything about politics, to get a point across, politicians use repetition (recently, Obama was trying to get a bill passed...I think it was the latest Job Act..anyway, when he was trying to get the vote, he said 'we have to pass this bill' like 19459475 times). Clearly, Paul was trying to get a point across and that point was to put on the full armor or God. What is the full armor of God? Go read Ephesian 6! ;)
A few things Wigglesworth ends the devotional with: "If you try to join up with two things - the Lord and the devil - the devil will get you in the end. Allow Christ to be the Lord of your life." How appropriate for the lukewarm church of this day.
He also leaves with the thought for the day: "You are not going to oppose devils if you cannot master yourself, because you will soon find the devils to be bigger than yourself."
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Where did you meet Jesus today?
I met Jesus today on the treadmill, in my bedroom, while Caleb was sleeping, while listening to worship music, while watching the President on mute and it was the best moments of my day. God has continually broken me in a way that has made me want to get off my 'high horse.' I continually think I can handle life on my own, but God continually tells me and shows me I can't. Lately, things have happened that have been out of my control. I hate not being in control. I'm not a controlling person (at least I don't think I am), but I like to be in control of my surroundings and things (not people). God keeps showing me I cannot make it through this life without Him because He is the one that controls everything, not me.
Before I got on the treadmill, I listened to the President. He talked about the dying economy and the job market. I immediately thought about how we (Americans) are in such a bad way. Most of us are in a situation where we live pay check to pay check and if we missed one pay check, it would cripple us financially. I started to panic, but got on the treadmill anyway (my quiet time when Caleb is sleeping, is precious and short). I thought about how we'll never be able to sell our condo, how we will continue to live pay check to pay check and how things just kinda suck these days as far as money is concerned.
I turned on my Ipod and hit 'shuffle songs.' The first song that came on: 'O Praise Him' by David Crowder. I didn't know it at the time, but how appropriate. God was reminding me to praise him, even in the storm. One of my all time favorite verses, 'Though the fig tree fails to blossom, yet will I praise thee.' Next song, 'Shout to the Lord' by Lincoln Brewster. Another praise song! God has a funny way of doing things.
Then, it happened. God broke me. He reminded me of my sinful nature (God does this a lot and its awesome because it reminds me of how awesome He is and how awesome I'm not). I began to get teary eyed (yes, while running on the treadmill, LOL). I thanked God for his mercy and grace. I sucked, but He remained faithful to me....as is always the case lately.
I began to just thank God for everything He is. I apologized for not trusting Him, AGAIN. I told myself over and over I just need to trust Him, just like I had told myself 29779872 times before, but I still can't get it right.
Then, God spoke to me. I was thinking about how we have a huge hole in our ceiling because of a leak. I was worrying about it, letting it get me all worked up, when God revealed to me that I should lay my burdens at His feet. I'm not gonna lie, I had to wonder what He was going to do with ALL my burdens, because there are a lot. But this word played over and over in my head and I decided to just believe it and do it. So, as hard as it is to just hand over all my worries to God, I will do it. And I will trust Him just like He has been telling me to.
My walk with God isn't ever easy. When it does get easy, then I know I'm getting too comfortable.
Where did you meet Jesus today? Was it at a coffee shop reading your Bible? Was it while talking with a friend? Was it in the shower (Im not gonna lie, Jesus meets me in the shower a lot, LOL)?
Today, Jesus met me on the treadmill.
Before I got on the treadmill, I listened to the President. He talked about the dying economy and the job market. I immediately thought about how we (Americans) are in such a bad way. Most of us are in a situation where we live pay check to pay check and if we missed one pay check, it would cripple us financially. I started to panic, but got on the treadmill anyway (my quiet time when Caleb is sleeping, is precious and short). I thought about how we'll never be able to sell our condo, how we will continue to live pay check to pay check and how things just kinda suck these days as far as money is concerned.
I turned on my Ipod and hit 'shuffle songs.' The first song that came on: 'O Praise Him' by David Crowder. I didn't know it at the time, but how appropriate. God was reminding me to praise him, even in the storm. One of my all time favorite verses, 'Though the fig tree fails to blossom, yet will I praise thee.' Next song, 'Shout to the Lord' by Lincoln Brewster. Another praise song! God has a funny way of doing things.
Then, it happened. God broke me. He reminded me of my sinful nature (God does this a lot and its awesome because it reminds me of how awesome He is and how awesome I'm not). I began to get teary eyed (yes, while running on the treadmill, LOL). I thanked God for his mercy and grace. I sucked, but He remained faithful to me....as is always the case lately.
I began to just thank God for everything He is. I apologized for not trusting Him, AGAIN. I told myself over and over I just need to trust Him, just like I had told myself 29779872 times before, but I still can't get it right.
Then, God spoke to me. I was thinking about how we have a huge hole in our ceiling because of a leak. I was worrying about it, letting it get me all worked up, when God revealed to me that I should lay my burdens at His feet. I'm not gonna lie, I had to wonder what He was going to do with ALL my burdens, because there are a lot. But this word played over and over in my head and I decided to just believe it and do it. So, as hard as it is to just hand over all my worries to God, I will do it. And I will trust Him just like He has been telling me to.
My walk with God isn't ever easy. When it does get easy, then I know I'm getting too comfortable.
Where did you meet Jesus today? Was it at a coffee shop reading your Bible? Was it while talking with a friend? Was it in the shower (Im not gonna lie, Jesus meets me in the shower a lot, LOL)?
Today, Jesus met me on the treadmill.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Shutting my pie hole
One thing that drives me ABSOLUTELY nuts are those Christians who swear God has nothing but good things to say to them. As if God NEVER points out their faults or challenges them. People get real. No one is perfect, and I have a hard time believing you if you are going to sit here and try and convince me God doesn't reveal some 'truths' to you. Ever hear of the quote "the truth hurts?"
I have no doubt God loves you, but I have to question who you're hearing if He never has anything bad to say or reveals something that's not so nice. In fact, I would say that you AREN'T hearing from God if every now and then you don't hear something you don't like. How do I know this? Because God tells me things I don't like all the time! LOL Yes, I am open to whatever God has to tell me...or reveal to me. And a lot of the time, it sucks. It hurts, but I consider myself lucky that God would take the time to reveal it to me and allow me to realize what I need to fix. It's constructive criticism and if we are going to grow...we need of it every now and then.
Of course I wouldn't write all this without actually going somewhere with it so here is what God revealed to me today. :)
I am far from perfect, keep that in mind (thats why I mention it at the top of my blog in my summary...because people tend to forget). Anyhoo, lately I have been letting my mouth run like a constant faucet. No, I don't curse like a truck driver, but I have been just letting whatever is in my mind, spew out my mouth without a second thought. I wasn't always like that...its just been recently. I don't know why all of sudden I stopped controlling my mouth...I guess it started small and grew too much.
I can't sit here and figure out where it started or how, but I can tell you the verse God revealed to me today that stung a little:
"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:5 (NIV)
Thats pretty self explanatory, right?!
My peeps, be opened to whatever God wants to reveal to you. Yes, it may sting a little, but God will follow it up by reminding you He loves you over and over. So its all good! :)
I have no doubt God loves you, but I have to question who you're hearing if He never has anything bad to say or reveals something that's not so nice. In fact, I would say that you AREN'T hearing from God if every now and then you don't hear something you don't like. How do I know this? Because God tells me things I don't like all the time! LOL Yes, I am open to whatever God has to tell me...or reveal to me. And a lot of the time, it sucks. It hurts, but I consider myself lucky that God would take the time to reveal it to me and allow me to realize what I need to fix. It's constructive criticism and if we are going to grow...we need of it every now and then.
Of course I wouldn't write all this without actually going somewhere with it so here is what God revealed to me today. :)
I am far from perfect, keep that in mind (thats why I mention it at the top of my blog in my summary...because people tend to forget). Anyhoo, lately I have been letting my mouth run like a constant faucet. No, I don't curse like a truck driver, but I have been just letting whatever is in my mind, spew out my mouth without a second thought. I wasn't always like that...its just been recently. I don't know why all of sudden I stopped controlling my mouth...I guess it started small and grew too much.
I can't sit here and figure out where it started or how, but I can tell you the verse God revealed to me today that stung a little:
"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:5 (NIV)
Thats pretty self explanatory, right?!
My peeps, be opened to whatever God wants to reveal to you. Yes, it may sting a little, but God will follow it up by reminding you He loves you over and over. So its all good! :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
"God story...ready?"
Any time God has done something amazing in my life and I share it with people, I always say, "God story...ready?" And then I go on with this long story of how awesome God is.
So, I say...God story...ready?
So, I'm a stay at home mom, right? My husband and I decided that this would be best for our baby. That's not to say that we would put anyone down for sending their child to daycare. We just felt this was best for us and our situation. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my lil man. It is the most rewarding thing in the world, but it's also the hardest job I've ever had. It's the best and the worst. The best is seeing my son smile, the worst is the sleepless nights and days.
Im getting off topic...ANYWAY. It is a HUGE sacrifice to be home..especially financially. I don't know many people who can live off one salary, but we manage to do it. And I will tell you it is only by the power of God that we are able to do so. When we budget, we have just enough money to make all our bills...leaving us with little disposable income. That doesn't take into account random things that happen, but don't occur every month (I'm talking about getting oil changed in our cars, new windshield wipers, and other random expenses). It's hard going from having a lot of disposable income when i was working, to having, not so much. When I worked, my husband and I went out to dinner every weekend. When I wanted clothes, I went out and bought them without thinking twice about it. Now, we have to think about those things before we do it. Is there enough money?
Again, I digress. Since we don't have a lot of disposable income, it has been hard to tithe. If we didn't tithe, we'd have a lot of disposable income. It's tempting not to do so. And tithing is hard for me to begin with.
Anyway, last month, I decided that I HAD to tithe. It was hard, I'll admit, but I did it. And I'll say I took a leap of faith and tithed for the whole month. If you know me, you know I'm a realist and often too practical, so tithing for the month is CRAZY and definitely not practical. It was a huge leap of faith.
And you know what? I had nothing to worry about. God proved Himself to me, once again. Our bank account doesn't make sense. There is money in there and Im not sure where it came from. I feel like we spent way more than we usually do and there is still money in there. Not only that, but we have been blessed beyond belief. John has gotten multiple preaching opportunities that have provided extra income. I have gotten a part time job cleaning my parents humongus (is that even a word LOL) house, somehow bills that were supposed to be paid disappeared (I will explain in a bit), and appointments that were supposed to cost me money ended up being free. Free! God went above and beyond proving Himself to me. So much so, it was ridiculous! I couldn't wrap my mind around it, it was just crazy how God provided.
It's funny too, even after all that an unexpected bill came in the mail. I immediately went into panic mode. How are we going to pay this. Oh my gosh I can't take this. I need to get a job to pay for this stuff. Blah Blah Blah. It was probably by design that I went out for a run right after I opened this bill. I just talked to God on my run. I told Him I was worried, I was upset. I didn't want to worry about money, but how could I not? Before I could finish whining and complaining to Him, He said, "Gina, don't I ALWAYS prove myself to you? Have I ever let you down? Have you ever been without? Don't I always take care of you? When have I not taken care of you?" I immediately thought, "I know God, but it's hard."
After that, I decided to shut up. I just had to trust Him again. And I can honestly say I do.
I often look at Caleb and think about how God looks at us. Does He look at us with the same adoration? Does He smile at our every movement? Does He feel the same way about us as I do about Caleb. It's hard to image something I can't see loving me that much, but from people tell me and from what I read in the Bible, He does, although I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I have to trust and believe God wants to provide for us the same way my husband and I want to provide for Caleb. I wonder this though: if I could buy Caleb Disney World, I'd do it. I wonder if God wants to do the same for us....?? Im assuming He does want to give us the world, He just knows we couldn't handle it.
**About our bills disappearing: they haven't disappeared completely (although that would be awesome LOL) they only disappeared for this month. What happened was this: apparently the loan company who holds our student loans is updating their system and for some reason we didn't have to pay because of the update. Apparently, this system will be updated in October and we will have to continue to pay our loans, but it was a definite blessing to not have to pay for one month! :)
So, I say...God story...ready?
So, I'm a stay at home mom, right? My husband and I decided that this would be best for our baby. That's not to say that we would put anyone down for sending their child to daycare. We just felt this was best for us and our situation. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my lil man. It is the most rewarding thing in the world, but it's also the hardest job I've ever had. It's the best and the worst. The best is seeing my son smile, the worst is the sleepless nights and days.
Im getting off topic...ANYWAY. It is a HUGE sacrifice to be home..especially financially. I don't know many people who can live off one salary, but we manage to do it. And I will tell you it is only by the power of God that we are able to do so. When we budget, we have just enough money to make all our bills...leaving us with little disposable income. That doesn't take into account random things that happen, but don't occur every month (I'm talking about getting oil changed in our cars, new windshield wipers, and other random expenses). It's hard going from having a lot of disposable income when i was working, to having, not so much. When I worked, my husband and I went out to dinner every weekend. When I wanted clothes, I went out and bought them without thinking twice about it. Now, we have to think about those things before we do it. Is there enough money?
Again, I digress. Since we don't have a lot of disposable income, it has been hard to tithe. If we didn't tithe, we'd have a lot of disposable income. It's tempting not to do so. And tithing is hard for me to begin with.
Anyway, last month, I decided that I HAD to tithe. It was hard, I'll admit, but I did it. And I'll say I took a leap of faith and tithed for the whole month. If you know me, you know I'm a realist and often too practical, so tithing for the month is CRAZY and definitely not practical. It was a huge leap of faith.
And you know what? I had nothing to worry about. God proved Himself to me, once again. Our bank account doesn't make sense. There is money in there and Im not sure where it came from. I feel like we spent way more than we usually do and there is still money in there. Not only that, but we have been blessed beyond belief. John has gotten multiple preaching opportunities that have provided extra income. I have gotten a part time job cleaning my parents humongus (is that even a word LOL) house, somehow bills that were supposed to be paid disappeared (I will explain in a bit), and appointments that were supposed to cost me money ended up being free. Free! God went above and beyond proving Himself to me. So much so, it was ridiculous! I couldn't wrap my mind around it, it was just crazy how God provided.
It's funny too, even after all that an unexpected bill came in the mail. I immediately went into panic mode. How are we going to pay this. Oh my gosh I can't take this. I need to get a job to pay for this stuff. Blah Blah Blah. It was probably by design that I went out for a run right after I opened this bill. I just talked to God on my run. I told Him I was worried, I was upset. I didn't want to worry about money, but how could I not? Before I could finish whining and complaining to Him, He said, "Gina, don't I ALWAYS prove myself to you? Have I ever let you down? Have you ever been without? Don't I always take care of you? When have I not taken care of you?" I immediately thought, "I know God, but it's hard."
After that, I decided to shut up. I just had to trust Him again. And I can honestly say I do.
I often look at Caleb and think about how God looks at us. Does He look at us with the same adoration? Does He smile at our every movement? Does He feel the same way about us as I do about Caleb. It's hard to image something I can't see loving me that much, but from people tell me and from what I read in the Bible, He does, although I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I have to trust and believe God wants to provide for us the same way my husband and I want to provide for Caleb. I wonder this though: if I could buy Caleb Disney World, I'd do it. I wonder if God wants to do the same for us....?? Im assuming He does want to give us the world, He just knows we couldn't handle it.
**About our bills disappearing: they haven't disappeared completely (although that would be awesome LOL) they only disappeared for this month. What happened was this: apparently the loan company who holds our student loans is updating their system and for some reason we didn't have to pay because of the update. Apparently, this system will be updated in October and we will have to continue to pay our loans, but it was a definite blessing to not have to pay for one month! :)
I am not afraid
Sometimes I can't take it. It's probably my own fault. I read news websites. Forget about newspapers, they are a thing of the past. I live in a technologically advance society. The way I read news websites is equivalent to reading 198503 newspapers. But like I said, its my own fault. I choose to read about what's going on in the world, then spending hours on facebook damaging valuable brain cells. I like to stay up to date with what's going on in this world, but sometimes I just can't take it. It almost gets depressing.
I promise I am going somewhere with this.
Why does the news never have anything good to say? Why do they cover stories of people dying or people who are already millionaires getting richer? These are not things I want to read about. It's not that I don't care, it's just that its' depressing to read about good people dying and it makes me nauseous reading about people who are getting richer that don't need the money.
Speaking of which...the reason for this blog. I'm going to rant here...be prepared. My husband very cautiously turned on Micheal Moore's latest film, Capitalism: A love story. Bad idea, considering that I already know too much about politics and the greedy people involved. This movie was just a reminder of how corrupt people in politics truly are. The bailout was voted down (for those of you who don't know, it was to give money back to mortgage companies and banks...not to help the people). It was a good thing to vote this down. It's not the governments problem to help out banks. However, even though it was voted down...they re voted a few days later and it was passed. So here goes 700 billion dollars to help out these already rich and greedy executives so they could take luxurious vacations and have meetings pool side in paradise. How nice of them.
This makes my blood boil; however, I wasn't too upset...less than usual actually. I realized that I can no longer put my faith or trust in our AWESOME American government (something that I was taught growing up). And I know I should have never put my faith and trust in any man or thing because they WILL fail and disappoint me, but I was raised on the American dream in school and at home. I was taught to work hard and be rewarded. The harder I worked, the more I would get rewarded.
It kind of makes sense right? But what about those people who work 90 hours a week at three different jobs just to put food on the table and clothes on the backs of their children? I thought food and clothes were expected, not a reward. Or what about those people who wants jobs and can't get them, but would work hard if given the opportunity?
My friends, the American dream has failed us. That is why I am giving up on the idea that I will ever be rich. I do not believe what the government has fed me. I don't believe in working hard and making tons of money.
What I do believe in; however, is God. I believe God will always provide, no matter what happens in the economy. No matter what happens in the stock market. No matter what happens in the housing market. God will always be there to BAIL me out with His own stimulus package. And although I may never EVER see 700 billion dollars in my life time, I truly believe my needs will always be met. Yes, there will be things I wish I could have, but I know I don't NEED it. God is my government and He is always there for ME...He is not greedy, He is not worried about the economy, and He does not take lavish vacations with my tax money. Could you imagine God taking a vacay with my tithe?! LOL funny thought, right???
Anyway, I am a realist to a fault and I know that although I trust God with financial situations whole heartedly, I still live in this greedy world, so I am careful with how I spend my money and I do have a budget. But I believe thats what God wants me to do. God has provided my husband with a great job that provides for our family. Ultimately, the money he makes is God's. It is only fair that we are responsible with what God has given us (dawgs, I am preaching to myself too..I have to remind myself).
I know to some of you, this might seem crazy, to trust in something I can't see. However, if God didn't prove Himself to me over and over, then I wouldn't continue to trust Him.
Allow God to prove Himself to you..I guarantee He won't let you down. It's not in His nature.
I promise I am going somewhere with this.
Why does the news never have anything good to say? Why do they cover stories of people dying or people who are already millionaires getting richer? These are not things I want to read about. It's not that I don't care, it's just that its' depressing to read about good people dying and it makes me nauseous reading about people who are getting richer that don't need the money.
Speaking of which...the reason for this blog. I'm going to rant here...be prepared. My husband very cautiously turned on Micheal Moore's latest film, Capitalism: A love story. Bad idea, considering that I already know too much about politics and the greedy people involved. This movie was just a reminder of how corrupt people in politics truly are. The bailout was voted down (for those of you who don't know, it was to give money back to mortgage companies and banks...not to help the people). It was a good thing to vote this down. It's not the governments problem to help out banks. However, even though it was voted down...they re voted a few days later and it was passed. So here goes 700 billion dollars to help out these already rich and greedy executives so they could take luxurious vacations and have meetings pool side in paradise. How nice of them.
This makes my blood boil; however, I wasn't too upset...less than usual actually. I realized that I can no longer put my faith or trust in our AWESOME American government (something that I was taught growing up). And I know I should have never put my faith and trust in any man or thing because they WILL fail and disappoint me, but I was raised on the American dream in school and at home. I was taught to work hard and be rewarded. The harder I worked, the more I would get rewarded.
It kind of makes sense right? But what about those people who work 90 hours a week at three different jobs just to put food on the table and clothes on the backs of their children? I thought food and clothes were expected, not a reward. Or what about those people who wants jobs and can't get them, but would work hard if given the opportunity?
My friends, the American dream has failed us. That is why I am giving up on the idea that I will ever be rich. I do not believe what the government has fed me. I don't believe in working hard and making tons of money.
What I do believe in; however, is God. I believe God will always provide, no matter what happens in the economy. No matter what happens in the stock market. No matter what happens in the housing market. God will always be there to BAIL me out with His own stimulus package. And although I may never EVER see 700 billion dollars in my life time, I truly believe my needs will always be met. Yes, there will be things I wish I could have, but I know I don't NEED it. God is my government and He is always there for ME...He is not greedy, He is not worried about the economy, and He does not take lavish vacations with my tax money. Could you imagine God taking a vacay with my tithe?! LOL funny thought, right???
Anyway, I am a realist to a fault and I know that although I trust God with financial situations whole heartedly, I still live in this greedy world, so I am careful with how I spend my money and I do have a budget. But I believe thats what God wants me to do. God has provided my husband with a great job that provides for our family. Ultimately, the money he makes is God's. It is only fair that we are responsible with what God has given us (dawgs, I am preaching to myself too..I have to remind myself).
I know to some of you, this might seem crazy, to trust in something I can't see. However, if God didn't prove Himself to me over and over, then I wouldn't continue to trust Him.
Allow God to prove Himself to you..I guarantee He won't let you down. It's not in His nature.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
September 11...Random Thoughts
Tomorrow marks the 10th anniversary of the worst day in American history. I have to admit after watching tons of documentaries and special news additions, that I am getting rather upset. I feel like I am reliving that day over and over each time. It really is taking its toll on me. I would stop watching them, but I feel like I have to. I feel like its the American thing to do. I HAVE to remember. I HAVE to acknowledge those who died because I would want them to do the same for me or for a loved one. I can't block it out like it didn't happen because it did happen.
When I watch those documentaries, I try and put myself in that person's shoes. I try and understand what it must have been like. I was only 18 at the time. Young and naive. I didn't even really know what the World Trade Center was. I mean, I knew what it was, but I didn't realize how significant it was or its iconic importance to our country. I was miles away from the impacts, so I couldn't possibly understand what those people felt. But I have to somehow understand. I NEED to know what it felt like to be in the middle of it. Maybe its some subconscious way of preparing myself...just in case. I don't know.
Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly where I was. I was at home, getting ready for class. I watched as the second plane hit the second tower. I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew it was something bad by the reactions I saw on TV. I called my mom who told me everything was fine. I knew better because the news anchors were telling me differently and the emotion on each New Yorkers face spoke volumes.
I drove to school and listened to news radio. I didn't want to get out of the car. I wanted to hear every detail. What was happening to our country? I got out as I heard about the Pentagon. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand all that was happening.
I sat in my Calc class wondering what in the world was going on. Some girl ran into our class screaming and crying. She was looking for her boyfriend who sat across from me. He walked into the hallway with her and she cried as she said told him more planes were unaccounted for and some were headed for Atlantic City and the Sears Tower.
This scared me more than anything..more than the images themselves.
I went home that night hoping my parents would give me a definitive explanation of what was going on. The news was on as I walked in. My mom was cooking dinner and my dad was watching the news on the couch. I watched my dad's reaction as he watched the replay of the second plane going into the second tower over and over. I was waiting for his response to the images. Finally he said, "Oh my Gosh, its like a kamikaze." I asked him what that meant. He said, "its like they did it on purpose."
At that point, I got it. I understood. It all made sense. Someone was extremely mad at us and decided to do this. Before 9/11, in my naive little world, I could have never imagined someone would do that. That someone COULD do that. It changed my world.
To this day, I hold my breath and cringe whenever I hear a plane fly overhead and living by an air force base and the AC airport, its frequent. I am skeptical about anything in the air, preparing myself for the worse. I do not live in fear only because I have chosen to block the fear out, but like I said, I am always skeptical. I don't like flying and never have. 9/11 gives me more of a reason not to fly. If I do, I need valume. I search the plane up and down for anyone that looks suspicious. I would tackle someone if I had to. I probably would be arrested for profiling and accidentally trying to attack someone. I'll just stay away from planes for now.
The other day I heard a phone call that was recorded on 9/11. It was between a 911 operator and a guy from inside the tower. It records the last 5 minutes of this guys life. It ends with him screaming and the towers collapsing. I don't know why I listened to it because it gave me nightmares. I couldn't sleep for days. But I HAD to listen to it. I had to know what happened in the towers. I wanted to know what it was like for those people inside. After I listened to it, I questioned. Why did God not save those people? Why didn't He help them in some way? The guy inside the towers kept saying he couldn't breath because of the smoke and at one point he tells the operator to ask God to blow wind from the West. Why couldn't God do that? Why didn't He do it?
I know a lot of people were saved that day, but so many lost their lives. I wish it was different. I wish people didn't have to lose their lives. I wish people didn't have to suffer. Its heart breaking.
In the end, I thank God my family was safe. I mourn with those who lost loved ones. I remember those who died. I cry with those who cry. I have not gotten to the point where I can say I mourn the loss of the terrorists. I can't yet...I am still angry. I feel like they got what they deserved. Hell is an awful place and I feel like they deserve to be there. I know thats my human instinct taking over, but part of me does not want to forgive them. I can't. Maybe someday I can honestly say I forgive them, but today, I cannot. I feel like if I said I forgave them I would be slapping all those who lost loved ones in the face.
With God's help, one day I can move on...however, I will never forget <3
When I watch those documentaries, I try and put myself in that person's shoes. I try and understand what it must have been like. I was only 18 at the time. Young and naive. I didn't even really know what the World Trade Center was. I mean, I knew what it was, but I didn't realize how significant it was or its iconic importance to our country. I was miles away from the impacts, so I couldn't possibly understand what those people felt. But I have to somehow understand. I NEED to know what it felt like to be in the middle of it. Maybe its some subconscious way of preparing myself...just in case. I don't know.
Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly where I was. I was at home, getting ready for class. I watched as the second plane hit the second tower. I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew it was something bad by the reactions I saw on TV. I called my mom who told me everything was fine. I knew better because the news anchors were telling me differently and the emotion on each New Yorkers face spoke volumes.
I drove to school and listened to news radio. I didn't want to get out of the car. I wanted to hear every detail. What was happening to our country? I got out as I heard about the Pentagon. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand all that was happening.
I sat in my Calc class wondering what in the world was going on. Some girl ran into our class screaming and crying. She was looking for her boyfriend who sat across from me. He walked into the hallway with her and she cried as she said told him more planes were unaccounted for and some were headed for Atlantic City and the Sears Tower.
This scared me more than anything..more than the images themselves.
I went home that night hoping my parents would give me a definitive explanation of what was going on. The news was on as I walked in. My mom was cooking dinner and my dad was watching the news on the couch. I watched my dad's reaction as he watched the replay of the second plane going into the second tower over and over. I was waiting for his response to the images. Finally he said, "Oh my Gosh, its like a kamikaze." I asked him what that meant. He said, "its like they did it on purpose."
At that point, I got it. I understood. It all made sense. Someone was extremely mad at us and decided to do this. Before 9/11, in my naive little world, I could have never imagined someone would do that. That someone COULD do that. It changed my world.
To this day, I hold my breath and cringe whenever I hear a plane fly overhead and living by an air force base and the AC airport, its frequent. I am skeptical about anything in the air, preparing myself for the worse. I do not live in fear only because I have chosen to block the fear out, but like I said, I am always skeptical. I don't like flying and never have. 9/11 gives me more of a reason not to fly. If I do, I need valume. I search the plane up and down for anyone that looks suspicious. I would tackle someone if I had to. I probably would be arrested for profiling and accidentally trying to attack someone. I'll just stay away from planes for now.
The other day I heard a phone call that was recorded on 9/11. It was between a 911 operator and a guy from inside the tower. It records the last 5 minutes of this guys life. It ends with him screaming and the towers collapsing. I don't know why I listened to it because it gave me nightmares. I couldn't sleep for days. But I HAD to listen to it. I had to know what happened in the towers. I wanted to know what it was like for those people inside. After I listened to it, I questioned. Why did God not save those people? Why didn't He help them in some way? The guy inside the towers kept saying he couldn't breath because of the smoke and at one point he tells the operator to ask God to blow wind from the West. Why couldn't God do that? Why didn't He do it?
I know a lot of people were saved that day, but so many lost their lives. I wish it was different. I wish people didn't have to lose their lives. I wish people didn't have to suffer. Its heart breaking.
In the end, I thank God my family was safe. I mourn with those who lost loved ones. I remember those who died. I cry with those who cry. I have not gotten to the point where I can say I mourn the loss of the terrorists. I can't yet...I am still angry. I feel like they got what they deserved. Hell is an awful place and I feel like they deserve to be there. I know thats my human instinct taking over, but part of me does not want to forgive them. I can't. Maybe someday I can honestly say I forgive them, but today, I cannot. I feel like if I said I forgave them I would be slapping all those who lost loved ones in the face.
With God's help, one day I can move on...however, I will never forget <3
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