I haven't read since last Monday. :( I feel like I've failed. I got so caught up in my last week of school before my maternity leave tying up lose ends, writing out a ton of thank you cards for all the shower gifts, and getting things ready for the baby that I just made up a ton of excuses not to read. I had the time. We always have the time. I just flat out didn't want to. I chose to watch TV instead. I could have easily picked up my book and opened it, but I didn't. I don't really know why I didn't. I know I had 1000 reasons of why I didn't need to, but I can't even remember them, that's how unimportant they were.
I did go back and read the days I missed. God really speaks through these devotions. Each word on the page jumps at me. It feeds the Holy Spirit in me. I feel so encouraged and uplifted and that's what I need right now.
Please allow me to share something with you. I am a few hours away from being 38 weeks pregnant. I have struggled this entire pregnancy with the fear of labor. Reading this devotional book has really helped me battle the fear and has helped encourage me. It has restored my faith and has given so many verses to hang on to when I am weak.
However, as 'built up' as I feel, I still sense the fear. I am no longer afraid of labor because I am holding onto God's promises and I truly believe them, but I am afraid to pray for help because I am afraid God won't show up. What if I pray and God doesn't help me in my most desperate hour?
My husband did a bible study on why we don't see miracles being performed like back in the day and it's basically because people are afraid to step out. What if I pray healing for someone, but it doesn't work? Will people see me as a failure? I guess that's how I feel...
Although I feel this way some days, I do feel the opposite on others. Even as I write this I am finding that God is giving me more faith to believe. Maybe the first step is to simply admit or weaknesses. Then, God can come in and move.
God is good.
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