I'm okay with it...

So I wanted to continue my thirty day challenge and read my Smith Wiggleworth devotional every day, but I haven't been keeping up with it like I wanted to. I have to admit, I get very distracted on the weekends. My husband is home and we are still preparing for a baby so we are usually running around picking up a few last minute things (we are definitely over prepared)! I'm usually so tired by the time we get back home from shopping that I fall asleep for quite sometime. I know it sounds like an excuse, but it's true. I have to admit too that reading my devotional is the last thing on my mind as I wait for this baby to get here.
The doctors have been telling me since four weeks ago that he'd be arriving, but clearly, Caleb (our son) has had other plans. It is getting very frustrating. Each day I expect him to come and when he doesn't, I get upset. I shouldn't rely on what the doctors say because they obviously have NO idea what they are talking about. I knew that from the beginning, but part of me wanted to believe they knew something no one else did. Each day I sit around and wait, thinking today will be the day. I try not to do too much in an attempt to save up my energy, but eventually I get bored and go crazy (as in super clean the house or go out somewhere). PS I've tried ALL the tricks of getting this baby out and none have worked. Those silly old wives tales are, well, old wives tales and they don't work. Just because you ate a hamburger the night you went into labor doesn't mean the hamburger did the trick. If I go into labor sometime today, I will not say the oatmeal I ate for breakfast did it. That just sounds silly. But somewhere, a bunch of crazy pregnant ladies came up with these theories and people believed them. I'm at the point where I'm just 'banking on Jesus,' because nothing else is working. Clearly, (and according to my last post) God has an appointed time for this baby to come and no amount of walking, eating, jumping or squatting is going to change that. So I might as well sit back and wait and not kill myself by walking 134344 hours. Don't get me wrong, I will do what I got to do, but I'm not making it a point to walk excessively or drink castor oil. I would like to be able to say that God had a plan for when this baby was going to arrive and nothing I did could change that. I feel like that's so much better than saying it was the cheeseburger I ate the night before that sent me into labor....
So, I went to the doctors yesterday and asked them about being induced. I have been battling the whole idea of being induced the whole time I've been pregnant because in a way, I feel like it's 'playing God,' but the doctor insisted that I not go beyond 41 weeks because of potential placenta problems. At this point, I could honestly care less how they get the baby out as long as he comes out (well I shouldn't say it like that, but I am very ready to get rid of this belly). I was a little upset at first at the talk of being induced, but I feel like if this is the plan God has for me, then that's fine. I don't know what God's plan is for my labor, but I do know I can trust that He has it under control and that if I do get induced because Caleb doesn't come on his own, then it was God's plan all along. And I'm okay with it.

I did read my devotional today too. Before I talk about it though, I want to share something. My husband pointed something interesting out yesterday in the doctors office. He asked me what I would do if the doctor came in and checked me and said I was 5 centimeters dilated and had to go to the hospital because the baby was coming. I, thinking that this could actually happen, started panicking and freaked out. "I'm not ready, I'm not ready.." I said. I got really hot and started sweating. "I can't do this, I'm scared." My husband looked at me like 'oh boy here we go again.' He told me I'd be fine and not to worry. I shot back at him, "you're not the one who has to go through this. It's hard." He looked at me sympathetically and asked me what happened to my faith? I just stared at him. He then asked me if I had been reading my Smith Wigglesworth devotions. I told him I finished my thirty day challenge, but I hadn't read in a few days. He told me he could tell because my faith was dwindling. He told me I should read it again because when I read it, it helped me not to be scared. As much as I hate to admit it, he was right. I thought about the one devotion I read during my thirty day challenge about how if we don't get into the Word every day we aren't advancing and that was exactly what was happening to me. Not only wasn't I advancing, I was going backwards in my faith.

This morning (after I ate my oatmeal that will send me into labor) I kept staring at my devotional book. The last time I read Smith Wigglesworth, I must have left the book on the coffee table because there it was staring directly at me. I've heard people say things like 'it spoke to me and I had to pick it up.' Well, I had one of those moments. It was literally staring at me, urging me, almost darking me to pick it up. Taking the advice from my husband, I did just that.

The devotion was about a double cure. It wasn't about JUST being saved, but having the Holy Spirit in your life. Being saved is awesome (and I'm sure everyone who is would agree), but having the Holy Spirit move in your life is that much better. It's like having ice cream, but what's ice cream without sprinkles? Ice cream is good by itself, but add some sprinkles and it's way better. When you have the Holy Spirit in your life, God moves in big and mighty ways and it's just awesome. Seek and you will find, ask and you will receive. We are all capable of accepting the Holy Spirit into our lives.