So today is my birthday...HAPPY BIRTHDAY to me! Thank you. :) I am 29 and Im not ashamed to announce it to the world. Age is just a number in my mind. I act and feel like a 20 year old. And that's all that matters, not the year on my birth certificate. So far, I've had a wonderful birthday. My parents took the family to Cape May on the 17th for dinner, a carriage ride around town and then some shopping. It was a great time and I look forward to going back next year. :) Today (the actual day of my birth), my husband surprised me by staying home from work..although he tricked me and pretended he went to work, then showed up at the door around 930 with flowers and gifts. He is the best husband ever! The best surprise ever! Caleb gave Momma tons of smiles this morning and cuddled with me for quite a bit. He is the best present I ever got! :)
The weekend and my actual birthday have been amazing, but just because it's my birthday doesn't mean that God stops working in our lives. It's not like He takes a day off to celebrate. In fact, even though its my birthday, I have received some bad news. John, who has been traveling two hours a day to and from work, heard back from Northfield that he did not get the job. Northfield is five minutes from the house and would have been such a blessing. It stinks. We've been through this before where he applied to a job closer and it didn't work out. The worst part is, is that John always gets down to like the final two applicants, but always winds up in second place. He said today, "Im always the best man, but never the groom when it comes to jobs."
This same thing happened around the same time last year. The year before, he was actually offered a job, but had to turn it down because they couldn't offer him enough money. So three years in a row, we trusted God and it didn't work out. Both of us are disillusioned. We have no idea why this keeps happening. We don't understand why God allows these things to happen. We are really sad. We are frustrated...
Im angry, annoyed, and baffled. We prayed that he wouldn't even get an interview if it wasnt meant to be, so what the heck?! Why??????????? Our friends and family have been really supportive and a lot of them keep telling us to trust that God has something better and that it wasn't Gods will and that God obviously has a plan. As comforting as those words can be, I don't want to hear them. Its frustrating. Then, tell me, what IS God's will because He's not sharing it with us. Three years we've been waiting...I'm running out of steam here.
I've asked God to show me things and make it all better. And I've realized this:
You can have all the faith in the world, but if it's not part of the grand plan, it's not going to happen.
To be honest, Im not sure how I feel about that. It definitely frustrates me. Then, why even bother with having faith? What's the point? If God has it all figured out, why don't we just sit back and let it happen?
Even though I am frustrated and angry, I have chosen to praise God anyway. I know He will come through for us, He always does, even if it is eventually....
Monday, December 19, 2011
Wednesday, December 14, 2011
What God is showing me lately Pt 2 - Our Relationship with God
God is showing me a lot and its hard to remember it all and put it in words, but I want to share.
God gives me little glimpses of our relationship with Him when I take a step back and view my relationship with my son. A few weeks ago, my baby boy started reaching for me. As a momma, this just melted my heart. His little hands stretched out toward me meant he needed me, he wanted me. Immediately, as if the world had stopped and nothing else mattered, all I could see was him and I immediately reached back and picked him up. His whimpers stopped and it gave me an idea of how Jesus feels about us. Jesus feels the same way when we reach for Him. He is right there to reach back and help us. And He loves it.
Another situation where God gave me a glimpse of our relationship with Him. My son is learning to crawl. He hasn't quite mastered the skill yet, but he is able to get up on his knees and rock back and forth. Yesterday, I was working him, helping him practice by getting him up on his knees and moving his legs. After a little awhile of helping him, I decided to was time for him to try on his own. I put a toy in front of him, but just out of his reach. My son reached, stretched, put both hands out in front to grab, but could not get the toy. I noticed he was trying to pull the blanket with the toy on it, he was trying to take the easy way out! Needless to say, nothing he did worked. I watched as he started to get frustrated. He whimpered, cried, and fussed. He so desperately wanted that toy! And then it hit me. God was using this situation to show me something.
We so many times in life, fuss, cry, and whimper to God about what we want. And yes, He wants to give it us, but He doesn't. He wants us to learn and grow on our own. If He handed everything to us, we would never learn anything. If I hand Caleb the toy every time, he will never learn to crawl. And as much as I want to just give him the toy to console him, I know I wouldn't be helping him in any way.
You feel me?
SO sometimes, when it feels like God isn't there or He's not answering your prayers, maybe its because He's teaching you something. Maybe you need to learn a new skill and if He hands you whatever you want, you might not learn it...
God gives me little glimpses of our relationship with Him when I take a step back and view my relationship with my son. A few weeks ago, my baby boy started reaching for me. As a momma, this just melted my heart. His little hands stretched out toward me meant he needed me, he wanted me. Immediately, as if the world had stopped and nothing else mattered, all I could see was him and I immediately reached back and picked him up. His whimpers stopped and it gave me an idea of how Jesus feels about us. Jesus feels the same way when we reach for Him. He is right there to reach back and help us. And He loves it.
Another situation where God gave me a glimpse of our relationship with Him. My son is learning to crawl. He hasn't quite mastered the skill yet, but he is able to get up on his knees and rock back and forth. Yesterday, I was working him, helping him practice by getting him up on his knees and moving his legs. After a little awhile of helping him, I decided to was time for him to try on his own. I put a toy in front of him, but just out of his reach. My son reached, stretched, put both hands out in front to grab, but could not get the toy. I noticed he was trying to pull the blanket with the toy on it, he was trying to take the easy way out! Needless to say, nothing he did worked. I watched as he started to get frustrated. He whimpered, cried, and fussed. He so desperately wanted that toy! And then it hit me. God was using this situation to show me something.
We so many times in life, fuss, cry, and whimper to God about what we want. And yes, He wants to give it us, but He doesn't. He wants us to learn and grow on our own. If He handed everything to us, we would never learn anything. If I hand Caleb the toy every time, he will never learn to crawl. And as much as I want to just give him the toy to console him, I know I wouldn't be helping him in any way.
You feel me?
SO sometimes, when it feels like God isn't there or He's not answering your prayers, maybe its because He's teaching you something. Maybe you need to learn a new skill and if He hands you whatever you want, you might not learn it...
What God is showing me lately
Tis the Season! Merry Christmas! God has done a lot and shown me a lot since the last time I've posted. I wish I was able to post more, but it's hard with a little baby. Since I don't have a lot of time to post, I would like to get to the point. :)
God has moved in tremendous ways in my life and its been awesome. Through bible study and ReDefine, He's been amazing. He's grown me in tremendous ways and I am so grateful. I wish I could share everything He has been doing in my life, but it would take me forever to write it down. Instead, I will share what He has been putting on my heart lately...
Yesterday, at bible study, my heart was breaking for Jesus. Here's why: last week, John and I were at Smithville Village. We love the village and frequent it often. When we went last Friday, we noticed an entire section of the parking lot was roped off. We didn't know why, but we soon found out. I was really craving a Diet Coke, so we immediately hit up the closest cafe. In there, the women behind the counter told us the reason half of the parking lot was roped off was because Santa was coming on the fire truck. Not only that, but he was going to be taking free pictures with the kids. He was coming within the hour, so John and I figured we'd hang around so Caleb could see Santa. So, we walked, ate, and before we knew it, Santa was arriving. The fire trucks were loud and the lights were blinking. With all the hoopla, you would have thought the president was coming. There was a big crowd waiting for Santa and little kids were jumping up and down. When Santa finally arrived and the fire truck pulled into the roped off portion of the parking lot in the village, Santa was lifted up and down on the ladder. Kids were waving and screaming with excitement. Parents were pointing and holding their children on their shoulders. Everyone was so excited to see Santa.
We stayed for about a minute. Caleb had no idea what he was looking at and John and I could care less about Santa. So we started walking away toward the car. I looked back as we were walking to see Santa again. I was trying to get 'into' like everyone else, but I couldn't. Was my Christmas spirit gone?
Then it hit me. God must be looking down on this with tears in His eyes. We have it all wrong. People are cheering and going crazy over Santa..almost to the point of worship. But would they do this for Jesus?
I don't have issues with Santa, and I think its fun for little kids to get into the idea of Santa, but when we go as far as gathering in big crowds to see him and make such a big deal about it, is it going to far?
Its kind of like celebrities. When people worship celebs. And when they see them they cry. They cry if a celeb touches their hand. They cry if a celeb talks to them. Celebrities are just people, not God.
I think this hurts God. I think He looks down on this and thinks, I created these people for me, not for Justin Bieber. Not for Michael Jackson, not for Lady Gaga, not for Santa.
God put us on this planet for the sole purpose of worshipping Him. So when we "worship" anything other then Him, its backwards. Its not what we were created for.
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with Santa, but I think sometimes people go overboard and I disagree with that. Would you get as excited to see Jesus as you would Santa? Would you gather in large crowds on a cold Friday night to see Jesus? Would you cry, jump up and down, and scream if you saw Him? Would you camp out over night in the pouring ran to get tickets to see Jesus? Just some food for thought....
God has really been showing me my purpose in life and why Im here and I take it very seriously. I don't want to stand in front of Jesus one day and wish I did more. I want to do everything Im supposed to do...
God has moved in tremendous ways in my life and its been awesome. Through bible study and ReDefine, He's been amazing. He's grown me in tremendous ways and I am so grateful. I wish I could share everything He has been doing in my life, but it would take me forever to write it down. Instead, I will share what He has been putting on my heart lately...
Yesterday, at bible study, my heart was breaking for Jesus. Here's why: last week, John and I were at Smithville Village. We love the village and frequent it often. When we went last Friday, we noticed an entire section of the parking lot was roped off. We didn't know why, but we soon found out. I was really craving a Diet Coke, so we immediately hit up the closest cafe. In there, the women behind the counter told us the reason half of the parking lot was roped off was because Santa was coming on the fire truck. Not only that, but he was going to be taking free pictures with the kids. He was coming within the hour, so John and I figured we'd hang around so Caleb could see Santa. So, we walked, ate, and before we knew it, Santa was arriving. The fire trucks were loud and the lights were blinking. With all the hoopla, you would have thought the president was coming. There was a big crowd waiting for Santa and little kids were jumping up and down. When Santa finally arrived and the fire truck pulled into the roped off portion of the parking lot in the village, Santa was lifted up and down on the ladder. Kids were waving and screaming with excitement. Parents were pointing and holding their children on their shoulders. Everyone was so excited to see Santa.
We stayed for about a minute. Caleb had no idea what he was looking at and John and I could care less about Santa. So we started walking away toward the car. I looked back as we were walking to see Santa again. I was trying to get 'into' like everyone else, but I couldn't. Was my Christmas spirit gone?
Then it hit me. God must be looking down on this with tears in His eyes. We have it all wrong. People are cheering and going crazy over Santa..almost to the point of worship. But would they do this for Jesus?
I don't have issues with Santa, and I think its fun for little kids to get into the idea of Santa, but when we go as far as gathering in big crowds to see him and make such a big deal about it, is it going to far?
Its kind of like celebrities. When people worship celebs. And when they see them they cry. They cry if a celeb touches their hand. They cry if a celeb talks to them. Celebrities are just people, not God.
I think this hurts God. I think He looks down on this and thinks, I created these people for me, not for Justin Bieber. Not for Michael Jackson, not for Lady Gaga, not for Santa.
God put us on this planet for the sole purpose of worshipping Him. So when we "worship" anything other then Him, its backwards. Its not what we were created for.
Like I said, there is nothing wrong with Santa, but I think sometimes people go overboard and I disagree with that. Would you get as excited to see Jesus as you would Santa? Would you gather in large crowds on a cold Friday night to see Jesus? Would you cry, jump up and down, and scream if you saw Him? Would you camp out over night in the pouring ran to get tickets to see Jesus? Just some food for thought....
God has really been showing me my purpose in life and why Im here and I take it very seriously. I don't want to stand in front of Jesus one day and wish I did more. I want to do everything Im supposed to do...
Monday, October 17, 2011
A garbage disposal and a Godly lesson
If you think God can't use random things in your life to teach you a lesson, then you are missing out. In fact, if you think God can't use random household appliances to teach you about His awesome self, then you are in the same boat I was in before today. Insert the garbage disposal. I was cleaning this dishes this morning, followed by bottles, then baby food jars. I had dumped some leftovers down in the garbage disposal, ran the water over the drain, and flipped the switch. Then, it happened. I heard the loudest, most glass shattering noise ever. "What the heck was that?!" I exclaimed aloud. I turned the disposal off and stuck my hand in the drain. What I pulled out was not any good. Among the food I pulled out was little pieces of broken glass. One of the baby food jars had fallen in the drain without me knowing....and the garbage disposal had shredded it to a million pieces. Ughhhh. "Are you kidding me?" I said to myself. I couldn't believe it.
For the next 20-30 minutes, I pulled little pieces of glass out of the garbage disposal, one by one. Very annoying. When I thought I got all the pieces out, I ran the water over the drain and flipped the switch. I stood and stared like a deer in headlights as I heard my garbage disposal slowly die. It hummed just a little before it completely gave out. When I flipped the switch on and off, I heard nothing. Then, I smelled something burning. I opened the cabinet underneath the sink where the disposal was and I smelled the burning odor even stronger. I concluded at that point that my disposal had died.
I continued washing one of Caleb's bottles and thought about how much a new disposal would cost. How in the world were we going to pay for that?! I had priced them before when I thought the disposal broke last year.
As I continued to wash the bottle, I prayed. I told God my problem. In the midst of my prayer, I felt like I should lay hands on my disposal and pray for it. Yes, that sounds completely nuts and I felt absolutely retarded doing it, but when I finished washing the bottle, I opened the cabinet, knelt down, laid hands on the disposal, and believed with all my might that it would be fixed. I really felt that it would be fixed. I could feel the power of God move threw me as I prayed. I had the faith, so when I stood up and flipped the switch and it didn't work, I was a little confused. "But God, I REALLY believed You'd fix it for me," I thought. This wasn't a matter of not having the faith...at least thats what I felt. "God, you said faith of a mustard seed.." Why wasn't my disposal fixed?!
Honestly, at that point, I was disappointed, but I really believed my disposal would be fixed somehow. I didn't feel like we were going to have to get a new one. So, I sat down on the couch, opened the laptop, and just let God speak to me. I didn't receive a burning bush or have any weird visitations from some Jesus look a-like apparition, but I had this gut instinct to Google how to fix a disposal. It's no surprise that the first link I clicked on showed me, step by step, how to check my disposal before calling a plumber and wasting money. At first, I was hesitant. I am not Mrs. Fixit. In fact, any time Ive tried to fix something, I broke it even more. I talked to John and sent him the link. I told him he could try what the website suggested when he got home. About an hour later I looked at the website again. It looked fairly simple so I figured I'd give it a try. To make a long story short and to get to the point of this blog, within 20 minutes, my disposal was working again!
What did God teach me through all of this? Well, when I laid hands on the disposal, I expected God to magically fix my disposal. I have no doubt God could have done that, but that's what I EXPECTED Him to do. God revealed to me, that when I expect Him to do something a certain way, He will usually do the opposite. We are not to try and figure God out. In a weird way, God was reminding me that I will never figure Him out, no matter how hard I try. He will work His mighty powers the way He wants to, not the way I expect Him to. The sad thing is, God had showed me this before when I expected Him to work in a certain way. Will He always do the exact opposite of what we expect? Maybe not, but He will work in any way He wants. My guess is, if you are like me and think you can figure out God, then He will work in the opposite way you expect. :)
So did God fix my disposal? Well, yes. I believe He gave me the idea to look online and He made it so I clicked on the correct link. Some people would call it a coincidence, but I call it God.
What amazes me is that God knew my disposal was going to fail and He orchestrated things to teach me a lesson.
Just Awesome. :)
For the next 20-30 minutes, I pulled little pieces of glass out of the garbage disposal, one by one. Very annoying. When I thought I got all the pieces out, I ran the water over the drain and flipped the switch. I stood and stared like a deer in headlights as I heard my garbage disposal slowly die. It hummed just a little before it completely gave out. When I flipped the switch on and off, I heard nothing. Then, I smelled something burning. I opened the cabinet underneath the sink where the disposal was and I smelled the burning odor even stronger. I concluded at that point that my disposal had died.
I continued washing one of Caleb's bottles and thought about how much a new disposal would cost. How in the world were we going to pay for that?! I had priced them before when I thought the disposal broke last year.
As I continued to wash the bottle, I prayed. I told God my problem. In the midst of my prayer, I felt like I should lay hands on my disposal and pray for it. Yes, that sounds completely nuts and I felt absolutely retarded doing it, but when I finished washing the bottle, I opened the cabinet, knelt down, laid hands on the disposal, and believed with all my might that it would be fixed. I really felt that it would be fixed. I could feel the power of God move threw me as I prayed. I had the faith, so when I stood up and flipped the switch and it didn't work, I was a little confused. "But God, I REALLY believed You'd fix it for me," I thought. This wasn't a matter of not having the faith...at least thats what I felt. "God, you said faith of a mustard seed.." Why wasn't my disposal fixed?!
Honestly, at that point, I was disappointed, but I really believed my disposal would be fixed somehow. I didn't feel like we were going to have to get a new one. So, I sat down on the couch, opened the laptop, and just let God speak to me. I didn't receive a burning bush or have any weird visitations from some Jesus look a-like apparition, but I had this gut instinct to Google how to fix a disposal. It's no surprise that the first link I clicked on showed me, step by step, how to check my disposal before calling a plumber and wasting money. At first, I was hesitant. I am not Mrs. Fixit. In fact, any time Ive tried to fix something, I broke it even more. I talked to John and sent him the link. I told him he could try what the website suggested when he got home. About an hour later I looked at the website again. It looked fairly simple so I figured I'd give it a try. To make a long story short and to get to the point of this blog, within 20 minutes, my disposal was working again!
What did God teach me through all of this? Well, when I laid hands on the disposal, I expected God to magically fix my disposal. I have no doubt God could have done that, but that's what I EXPECTED Him to do. God revealed to me, that when I expect Him to do something a certain way, He will usually do the opposite. We are not to try and figure God out. In a weird way, God was reminding me that I will never figure Him out, no matter how hard I try. He will work His mighty powers the way He wants to, not the way I expect Him to. The sad thing is, God had showed me this before when I expected Him to work in a certain way. Will He always do the exact opposite of what we expect? Maybe not, but He will work in any way He wants. My guess is, if you are like me and think you can figure out God, then He will work in the opposite way you expect. :)
So did God fix my disposal? Well, yes. I believe He gave me the idea to look online and He made it so I clicked on the correct link. Some people would call it a coincidence, but I call it God.
What amazes me is that God knew my disposal was going to fail and He orchestrated things to teach me a lesson.
Just Awesome. :)
Saturday, October 15, 2011
Everlasting Love and an Unending Relationship
This morning I had the chance to spend time with my Father in heaven. I was in the car rockin out to some Hillsong coming back from food shopping. I was kind of in a daze, just driving along when I stopped and listened to the words, "Jesus I want more of You." Very powerful words if you ask me. Anyway, at that moment I became grateful. I was thankful for all that God has done for me and continues to do. I was grateful for the awesome food shopping trip I just had (yes, its true). If you are the main 'food shopper' in your house, then you will know the price of food has gone up. I go food shopping once every two weeks and every time I go, it seems the prices go up. I was so very thankful that I was able to make it out of ShopRite UNDER our budget! What a blessing!
Anyway, I thanked God over and over and I continued to rock out to my Hillsong CD. I sang the words like I truly meant them. Then, God revealed to me something I always knew, but forgot. He reminded me of the of love He has for me. He reminded me how He cherishes every moment I spend with Him. He reminded me of how He gives me every bit of His attention when the world is too busy to do so. He reminded me of how excited I get when Caleb smiles at me and how God gets the same way when we look up at heaven and smile at Him and thank Him for all that He's done for us. He reminded me of His gentle spirit, how He is not forceful on us, but He sits and waits for us to come meet with Him. He loves having a relationship with us.
Just amazing...God is truly amazing. Although I have always known these things about God, I needed to be reminded today. I'm not sure why I needed to be reminded of this, but God knows me better than I know myself, so I will just meditate on what He showed me.
I thank God today for His greatness, His mercy, and His unending love. My prayer today is that I do a good job in God's eyes and that I am doing what He wants me to be doing.
AMEN
Anyway, I thanked God over and over and I continued to rock out to my Hillsong CD. I sang the words like I truly meant them. Then, God revealed to me something I always knew, but forgot. He reminded me of the of love He has for me. He reminded me how He cherishes every moment I spend with Him. He reminded me of how He gives me every bit of His attention when the world is too busy to do so. He reminded me of how excited I get when Caleb smiles at me and how God gets the same way when we look up at heaven and smile at Him and thank Him for all that He's done for us. He reminded me of His gentle spirit, how He is not forceful on us, but He sits and waits for us to come meet with Him. He loves having a relationship with us.
Just amazing...God is truly amazing. Although I have always known these things about God, I needed to be reminded today. I'm not sure why I needed to be reminded of this, but God knows me better than I know myself, so I will just meditate on what He showed me.
I thank God today for His greatness, His mercy, and His unending love. My prayer today is that I do a good job in God's eyes and that I am doing what He wants me to be doing.
AMEN
Tuesday, October 11, 2011
Put on the full armor of God!
As I begin writing this, I have no idea what to title it. I have several titles running through my mind, but I can't pick just one. Sometimes I write my blog, then title it (many accomplished authors do the same). I guess I will have to find some inspiration by my blog then I will title this one.
Disclaimer: this is an intense post. It might strike you as weird if you aren't used to Christian jargon or spiritual warfare. You've been warned ;)
Ok so lately life has been tough, in many aspects. Having a baby is like nothing I've ever experienced. Being married is tough at times since I've never had to care about anyone but myself. Here I am now, caring for a baby and a husband AND a house. It can get overwhelming. Not to mention the many physical, emotional, and spiritual attacks that have plagued my days. The physical and emotional attacks really don't matter in this world so I will spare the details. Besides, the spiritual attacks have been much worse and are probably the leading cause of the physical and emotional attacks.
Yes, I am talking about spiritual warfare. If you don't know what it is, check it out because its very real and it sucks. It's like fighting a battle with your thoughts (for me at least). I've heard people say that if we could see what goes on in the spirit realm, we would be VERY scared because apparently there are spiritual battles going on all around us every day. I just imagine angels and demons fighting in the sky. Could you imagine seeing that?! Good thing we can't! If you find that hard to believe just read Daniel 10:12-14. Daniel fasted for 21 days waiting for a vision from God. The reason he had to wait 21 days was because the angel that was to give him the message was fighting a spiritual battle against the demons and could not get to him. If you think that sounds nuts, you are not alone because as I write it, it's hard for me to believe, but it's true.
Anyhoo, I feel like I have been under unreal spiritual attack. I have always had issues with fear. I'm a scaredy cat and I am not afraid to admit it! LOL But seriously, I have fear issues. Most of the time, I am able to control it, but lately it has been so bad that it has been uncontrollable. Sometimes its so bad that I can literally feel the fear covering my entire body. It overwhelms my entire being. And let me tell you, it flipping sucks! Ugh, sometimes I lie awake and just wait for something bad to happen. My heart races and I just sit in fear until I talk myself out of being afraid. Of course I pray, but sometimes the fear is so bad that praying doesn't help. I ask God to help me, but I let the fear overtake my body so much, that a simple prayer doesn't help. Clearly, Satan knows this is my weakness and clearly, he uses this to mess up my day. And lately he has been using it to make me think God isn't there to help me. But, Cmon, I know better.
Where am I going with this? This morning I opened my Smith Wigglesworth devotional book (love that thing). And what is it about? Having Power over Satan! Hahahahahaha does God know what I need to hear or does God know what I need to hear?! LOL Unbelievable!
The verse that goes with it?! Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Preach.
Interestingly enough, I had this verse underlined in my bible. God must have shown this to me before, I just can't remember when or why. It doesn't matter though because He has shown it to me again for a reason. (end random thought).
What I find interesting about this verse is that it repeats itself. "Put on the full armor of God" is written twice, once in verse 11 and then again in verse 13. If you know anything about politics, to get a point across, politicians use repetition (recently, Obama was trying to get a bill passed...I think it was the latest Job Act..anyway, when he was trying to get the vote, he said 'we have to pass this bill' like 19459475 times). Clearly, Paul was trying to get a point across and that point was to put on the full armor or God. What is the full armor of God? Go read Ephesian 6! ;)
A few things Wigglesworth ends the devotional with: "If you try to join up with two things - the Lord and the devil - the devil will get you in the end. Allow Christ to be the Lord of your life." How appropriate for the lukewarm church of this day.
He also leaves with the thought for the day: "You are not going to oppose devils if you cannot master yourself, because you will soon find the devils to be bigger than yourself."
Disclaimer: this is an intense post. It might strike you as weird if you aren't used to Christian jargon or spiritual warfare. You've been warned ;)
Ok so lately life has been tough, in many aspects. Having a baby is like nothing I've ever experienced. Being married is tough at times since I've never had to care about anyone but myself. Here I am now, caring for a baby and a husband AND a house. It can get overwhelming. Not to mention the many physical, emotional, and spiritual attacks that have plagued my days. The physical and emotional attacks really don't matter in this world so I will spare the details. Besides, the spiritual attacks have been much worse and are probably the leading cause of the physical and emotional attacks.
Yes, I am talking about spiritual warfare. If you don't know what it is, check it out because its very real and it sucks. It's like fighting a battle with your thoughts (for me at least). I've heard people say that if we could see what goes on in the spirit realm, we would be VERY scared because apparently there are spiritual battles going on all around us every day. I just imagine angels and demons fighting in the sky. Could you imagine seeing that?! Good thing we can't! If you find that hard to believe just read Daniel 10:12-14. Daniel fasted for 21 days waiting for a vision from God. The reason he had to wait 21 days was because the angel that was to give him the message was fighting a spiritual battle against the demons and could not get to him. If you think that sounds nuts, you are not alone because as I write it, it's hard for me to believe, but it's true.
Anyhoo, I feel like I have been under unreal spiritual attack. I have always had issues with fear. I'm a scaredy cat and I am not afraid to admit it! LOL But seriously, I have fear issues. Most of the time, I am able to control it, but lately it has been so bad that it has been uncontrollable. Sometimes its so bad that I can literally feel the fear covering my entire body. It overwhelms my entire being. And let me tell you, it flipping sucks! Ugh, sometimes I lie awake and just wait for something bad to happen. My heart races and I just sit in fear until I talk myself out of being afraid. Of course I pray, but sometimes the fear is so bad that praying doesn't help. I ask God to help me, but I let the fear overtake my body so much, that a simple prayer doesn't help. Clearly, Satan knows this is my weakness and clearly, he uses this to mess up my day. And lately he has been using it to make me think God isn't there to help me. But, Cmon, I know better.
Where am I going with this? This morning I opened my Smith Wigglesworth devotional book (love that thing). And what is it about? Having Power over Satan! Hahahahahaha does God know what I need to hear or does God know what I need to hear?! LOL Unbelievable!
The verse that goes with it?! Ephesians 6:10-11 "Finally be strong in the Lord and in His mighty power. Put on the full armor of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand." Preach.
Interestingly enough, I had this verse underlined in my bible. God must have shown this to me before, I just can't remember when or why. It doesn't matter though because He has shown it to me again for a reason. (end random thought).
What I find interesting about this verse is that it repeats itself. "Put on the full armor of God" is written twice, once in verse 11 and then again in verse 13. If you know anything about politics, to get a point across, politicians use repetition (recently, Obama was trying to get a bill passed...I think it was the latest Job Act..anyway, when he was trying to get the vote, he said 'we have to pass this bill' like 19459475 times). Clearly, Paul was trying to get a point across and that point was to put on the full armor or God. What is the full armor of God? Go read Ephesian 6! ;)
A few things Wigglesworth ends the devotional with: "If you try to join up with two things - the Lord and the devil - the devil will get you in the end. Allow Christ to be the Lord of your life." How appropriate for the lukewarm church of this day.
He also leaves with the thought for the day: "You are not going to oppose devils if you cannot master yourself, because you will soon find the devils to be bigger than yourself."
Thursday, October 6, 2011
Where did you meet Jesus today?
I met Jesus today on the treadmill, in my bedroom, while Caleb was sleeping, while listening to worship music, while watching the President on mute and it was the best moments of my day. God has continually broken me in a way that has made me want to get off my 'high horse.' I continually think I can handle life on my own, but God continually tells me and shows me I can't. Lately, things have happened that have been out of my control. I hate not being in control. I'm not a controlling person (at least I don't think I am), but I like to be in control of my surroundings and things (not people). God keeps showing me I cannot make it through this life without Him because He is the one that controls everything, not me.
Before I got on the treadmill, I listened to the President. He talked about the dying economy and the job market. I immediately thought about how we (Americans) are in such a bad way. Most of us are in a situation where we live pay check to pay check and if we missed one pay check, it would cripple us financially. I started to panic, but got on the treadmill anyway (my quiet time when Caleb is sleeping, is precious and short). I thought about how we'll never be able to sell our condo, how we will continue to live pay check to pay check and how things just kinda suck these days as far as money is concerned.
I turned on my Ipod and hit 'shuffle songs.' The first song that came on: 'O Praise Him' by David Crowder. I didn't know it at the time, but how appropriate. God was reminding me to praise him, even in the storm. One of my all time favorite verses, 'Though the fig tree fails to blossom, yet will I praise thee.' Next song, 'Shout to the Lord' by Lincoln Brewster. Another praise song! God has a funny way of doing things.
Then, it happened. God broke me. He reminded me of my sinful nature (God does this a lot and its awesome because it reminds me of how awesome He is and how awesome I'm not). I began to get teary eyed (yes, while running on the treadmill, LOL). I thanked God for his mercy and grace. I sucked, but He remained faithful to me....as is always the case lately.
I began to just thank God for everything He is. I apologized for not trusting Him, AGAIN. I told myself over and over I just need to trust Him, just like I had told myself 29779872 times before, but I still can't get it right.
Then, God spoke to me. I was thinking about how we have a huge hole in our ceiling because of a leak. I was worrying about it, letting it get me all worked up, when God revealed to me that I should lay my burdens at His feet. I'm not gonna lie, I had to wonder what He was going to do with ALL my burdens, because there are a lot. But this word played over and over in my head and I decided to just believe it and do it. So, as hard as it is to just hand over all my worries to God, I will do it. And I will trust Him just like He has been telling me to.
My walk with God isn't ever easy. When it does get easy, then I know I'm getting too comfortable.
Where did you meet Jesus today? Was it at a coffee shop reading your Bible? Was it while talking with a friend? Was it in the shower (Im not gonna lie, Jesus meets me in the shower a lot, LOL)?
Today, Jesus met me on the treadmill.
Before I got on the treadmill, I listened to the President. He talked about the dying economy and the job market. I immediately thought about how we (Americans) are in such a bad way. Most of us are in a situation where we live pay check to pay check and if we missed one pay check, it would cripple us financially. I started to panic, but got on the treadmill anyway (my quiet time when Caleb is sleeping, is precious and short). I thought about how we'll never be able to sell our condo, how we will continue to live pay check to pay check and how things just kinda suck these days as far as money is concerned.
I turned on my Ipod and hit 'shuffle songs.' The first song that came on: 'O Praise Him' by David Crowder. I didn't know it at the time, but how appropriate. God was reminding me to praise him, even in the storm. One of my all time favorite verses, 'Though the fig tree fails to blossom, yet will I praise thee.' Next song, 'Shout to the Lord' by Lincoln Brewster. Another praise song! God has a funny way of doing things.
Then, it happened. God broke me. He reminded me of my sinful nature (God does this a lot and its awesome because it reminds me of how awesome He is and how awesome I'm not). I began to get teary eyed (yes, while running on the treadmill, LOL). I thanked God for his mercy and grace. I sucked, but He remained faithful to me....as is always the case lately.
I began to just thank God for everything He is. I apologized for not trusting Him, AGAIN. I told myself over and over I just need to trust Him, just like I had told myself 29779872 times before, but I still can't get it right.
Then, God spoke to me. I was thinking about how we have a huge hole in our ceiling because of a leak. I was worrying about it, letting it get me all worked up, when God revealed to me that I should lay my burdens at His feet. I'm not gonna lie, I had to wonder what He was going to do with ALL my burdens, because there are a lot. But this word played over and over in my head and I decided to just believe it and do it. So, as hard as it is to just hand over all my worries to God, I will do it. And I will trust Him just like He has been telling me to.
My walk with God isn't ever easy. When it does get easy, then I know I'm getting too comfortable.
Where did you meet Jesus today? Was it at a coffee shop reading your Bible? Was it while talking with a friend? Was it in the shower (Im not gonna lie, Jesus meets me in the shower a lot, LOL)?
Today, Jesus met me on the treadmill.
Monday, September 26, 2011
Shutting my pie hole
One thing that drives me ABSOLUTELY nuts are those Christians who swear God has nothing but good things to say to them. As if God NEVER points out their faults or challenges them. People get real. No one is perfect, and I have a hard time believing you if you are going to sit here and try and convince me God doesn't reveal some 'truths' to you. Ever hear of the quote "the truth hurts?"
I have no doubt God loves you, but I have to question who you're hearing if He never has anything bad to say or reveals something that's not so nice. In fact, I would say that you AREN'T hearing from God if every now and then you don't hear something you don't like. How do I know this? Because God tells me things I don't like all the time! LOL Yes, I am open to whatever God has to tell me...or reveal to me. And a lot of the time, it sucks. It hurts, but I consider myself lucky that God would take the time to reveal it to me and allow me to realize what I need to fix. It's constructive criticism and if we are going to grow...we need of it every now and then.
Of course I wouldn't write all this without actually going somewhere with it so here is what God revealed to me today. :)
I am far from perfect, keep that in mind (thats why I mention it at the top of my blog in my summary...because people tend to forget). Anyhoo, lately I have been letting my mouth run like a constant faucet. No, I don't curse like a truck driver, but I have been just letting whatever is in my mind, spew out my mouth without a second thought. I wasn't always like that...its just been recently. I don't know why all of sudden I stopped controlling my mouth...I guess it started small and grew too much.
I can't sit here and figure out where it started or how, but I can tell you the verse God revealed to me today that stung a little:
"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:5 (NIV)
Thats pretty self explanatory, right?!
My peeps, be opened to whatever God wants to reveal to you. Yes, it may sting a little, but God will follow it up by reminding you He loves you over and over. So its all good! :)
I have no doubt God loves you, but I have to question who you're hearing if He never has anything bad to say or reveals something that's not so nice. In fact, I would say that you AREN'T hearing from God if every now and then you don't hear something you don't like. How do I know this? Because God tells me things I don't like all the time! LOL Yes, I am open to whatever God has to tell me...or reveal to me. And a lot of the time, it sucks. It hurts, but I consider myself lucky that God would take the time to reveal it to me and allow me to realize what I need to fix. It's constructive criticism and if we are going to grow...we need of it every now and then.
Of course I wouldn't write all this without actually going somewhere with it so here is what God revealed to me today. :)
I am far from perfect, keep that in mind (thats why I mention it at the top of my blog in my summary...because people tend to forget). Anyhoo, lately I have been letting my mouth run like a constant faucet. No, I don't curse like a truck driver, but I have been just letting whatever is in my mind, spew out my mouth without a second thought. I wasn't always like that...its just been recently. I don't know why all of sudden I stopped controlling my mouth...I guess it started small and grew too much.
I can't sit here and figure out where it started or how, but I can tell you the verse God revealed to me today that stung a little:
"Likewise the tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark." James 3:5 (NIV)
Thats pretty self explanatory, right?!
My peeps, be opened to whatever God wants to reveal to you. Yes, it may sting a little, but God will follow it up by reminding you He loves you over and over. So its all good! :)
Sunday, September 18, 2011
"God story...ready?"
Any time God has done something amazing in my life and I share it with people, I always say, "God story...ready?" And then I go on with this long story of how awesome God is.
So, I say...God story...ready?
So, I'm a stay at home mom, right? My husband and I decided that this would be best for our baby. That's not to say that we would put anyone down for sending their child to daycare. We just felt this was best for us and our situation. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my lil man. It is the most rewarding thing in the world, but it's also the hardest job I've ever had. It's the best and the worst. The best is seeing my son smile, the worst is the sleepless nights and days.
Im getting off topic...ANYWAY. It is a HUGE sacrifice to be home..especially financially. I don't know many people who can live off one salary, but we manage to do it. And I will tell you it is only by the power of God that we are able to do so. When we budget, we have just enough money to make all our bills...leaving us with little disposable income. That doesn't take into account random things that happen, but don't occur every month (I'm talking about getting oil changed in our cars, new windshield wipers, and other random expenses). It's hard going from having a lot of disposable income when i was working, to having, not so much. When I worked, my husband and I went out to dinner every weekend. When I wanted clothes, I went out and bought them without thinking twice about it. Now, we have to think about those things before we do it. Is there enough money?
Again, I digress. Since we don't have a lot of disposable income, it has been hard to tithe. If we didn't tithe, we'd have a lot of disposable income. It's tempting not to do so. And tithing is hard for me to begin with.
Anyway, last month, I decided that I HAD to tithe. It was hard, I'll admit, but I did it. And I'll say I took a leap of faith and tithed for the whole month. If you know me, you know I'm a realist and often too practical, so tithing for the month is CRAZY and definitely not practical. It was a huge leap of faith.
And you know what? I had nothing to worry about. God proved Himself to me, once again. Our bank account doesn't make sense. There is money in there and Im not sure where it came from. I feel like we spent way more than we usually do and there is still money in there. Not only that, but we have been blessed beyond belief. John has gotten multiple preaching opportunities that have provided extra income. I have gotten a part time job cleaning my parents humongus (is that even a word LOL) house, somehow bills that were supposed to be paid disappeared (I will explain in a bit), and appointments that were supposed to cost me money ended up being free. Free! God went above and beyond proving Himself to me. So much so, it was ridiculous! I couldn't wrap my mind around it, it was just crazy how God provided.
It's funny too, even after all that an unexpected bill came in the mail. I immediately went into panic mode. How are we going to pay this. Oh my gosh I can't take this. I need to get a job to pay for this stuff. Blah Blah Blah. It was probably by design that I went out for a run right after I opened this bill. I just talked to God on my run. I told Him I was worried, I was upset. I didn't want to worry about money, but how could I not? Before I could finish whining and complaining to Him, He said, "Gina, don't I ALWAYS prove myself to you? Have I ever let you down? Have you ever been without? Don't I always take care of you? When have I not taken care of you?" I immediately thought, "I know God, but it's hard."
After that, I decided to shut up. I just had to trust Him again. And I can honestly say I do.
I often look at Caleb and think about how God looks at us. Does He look at us with the same adoration? Does He smile at our every movement? Does He feel the same way about us as I do about Caleb. It's hard to image something I can't see loving me that much, but from people tell me and from what I read in the Bible, He does, although I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I have to trust and believe God wants to provide for us the same way my husband and I want to provide for Caleb. I wonder this though: if I could buy Caleb Disney World, I'd do it. I wonder if God wants to do the same for us....?? Im assuming He does want to give us the world, He just knows we couldn't handle it.
**About our bills disappearing: they haven't disappeared completely (although that would be awesome LOL) they only disappeared for this month. What happened was this: apparently the loan company who holds our student loans is updating their system and for some reason we didn't have to pay because of the update. Apparently, this system will be updated in October and we will have to continue to pay our loans, but it was a definite blessing to not have to pay for one month! :)
So, I say...God story...ready?
So, I'm a stay at home mom, right? My husband and I decided that this would be best for our baby. That's not to say that we would put anyone down for sending their child to daycare. We just felt this was best for us and our situation. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being home with my lil man. It is the most rewarding thing in the world, but it's also the hardest job I've ever had. It's the best and the worst. The best is seeing my son smile, the worst is the sleepless nights and days.
Im getting off topic...ANYWAY. It is a HUGE sacrifice to be home..especially financially. I don't know many people who can live off one salary, but we manage to do it. And I will tell you it is only by the power of God that we are able to do so. When we budget, we have just enough money to make all our bills...leaving us with little disposable income. That doesn't take into account random things that happen, but don't occur every month (I'm talking about getting oil changed in our cars, new windshield wipers, and other random expenses). It's hard going from having a lot of disposable income when i was working, to having, not so much. When I worked, my husband and I went out to dinner every weekend. When I wanted clothes, I went out and bought them without thinking twice about it. Now, we have to think about those things before we do it. Is there enough money?
Again, I digress. Since we don't have a lot of disposable income, it has been hard to tithe. If we didn't tithe, we'd have a lot of disposable income. It's tempting not to do so. And tithing is hard for me to begin with.
Anyway, last month, I decided that I HAD to tithe. It was hard, I'll admit, but I did it. And I'll say I took a leap of faith and tithed for the whole month. If you know me, you know I'm a realist and often too practical, so tithing for the month is CRAZY and definitely not practical. It was a huge leap of faith.
And you know what? I had nothing to worry about. God proved Himself to me, once again. Our bank account doesn't make sense. There is money in there and Im not sure where it came from. I feel like we spent way more than we usually do and there is still money in there. Not only that, but we have been blessed beyond belief. John has gotten multiple preaching opportunities that have provided extra income. I have gotten a part time job cleaning my parents humongus (is that even a word LOL) house, somehow bills that were supposed to be paid disappeared (I will explain in a bit), and appointments that were supposed to cost me money ended up being free. Free! God went above and beyond proving Himself to me. So much so, it was ridiculous! I couldn't wrap my mind around it, it was just crazy how God provided.
It's funny too, even after all that an unexpected bill came in the mail. I immediately went into panic mode. How are we going to pay this. Oh my gosh I can't take this. I need to get a job to pay for this stuff. Blah Blah Blah. It was probably by design that I went out for a run right after I opened this bill. I just talked to God on my run. I told Him I was worried, I was upset. I didn't want to worry about money, but how could I not? Before I could finish whining and complaining to Him, He said, "Gina, don't I ALWAYS prove myself to you? Have I ever let you down? Have you ever been without? Don't I always take care of you? When have I not taken care of you?" I immediately thought, "I know God, but it's hard."
After that, I decided to shut up. I just had to trust Him again. And I can honestly say I do.
I often look at Caleb and think about how God looks at us. Does He look at us with the same adoration? Does He smile at our every movement? Does He feel the same way about us as I do about Caleb. It's hard to image something I can't see loving me that much, but from people tell me and from what I read in the Bible, He does, although I have trouble wrapping my mind around it. I have to trust and believe God wants to provide for us the same way my husband and I want to provide for Caleb. I wonder this though: if I could buy Caleb Disney World, I'd do it. I wonder if God wants to do the same for us....?? Im assuming He does want to give us the world, He just knows we couldn't handle it.
**About our bills disappearing: they haven't disappeared completely (although that would be awesome LOL) they only disappeared for this month. What happened was this: apparently the loan company who holds our student loans is updating their system and for some reason we didn't have to pay because of the update. Apparently, this system will be updated in October and we will have to continue to pay our loans, but it was a definite blessing to not have to pay for one month! :)
I am not afraid
Sometimes I can't take it. It's probably my own fault. I read news websites. Forget about newspapers, they are a thing of the past. I live in a technologically advance society. The way I read news websites is equivalent to reading 198503 newspapers. But like I said, its my own fault. I choose to read about what's going on in the world, then spending hours on facebook damaging valuable brain cells. I like to stay up to date with what's going on in this world, but sometimes I just can't take it. It almost gets depressing.
I promise I am going somewhere with this.
Why does the news never have anything good to say? Why do they cover stories of people dying or people who are already millionaires getting richer? These are not things I want to read about. It's not that I don't care, it's just that its' depressing to read about good people dying and it makes me nauseous reading about people who are getting richer that don't need the money.
Speaking of which...the reason for this blog. I'm going to rant here...be prepared. My husband very cautiously turned on Micheal Moore's latest film, Capitalism: A love story. Bad idea, considering that I already know too much about politics and the greedy people involved. This movie was just a reminder of how corrupt people in politics truly are. The bailout was voted down (for those of you who don't know, it was to give money back to mortgage companies and banks...not to help the people). It was a good thing to vote this down. It's not the governments problem to help out banks. However, even though it was voted down...they re voted a few days later and it was passed. So here goes 700 billion dollars to help out these already rich and greedy executives so they could take luxurious vacations and have meetings pool side in paradise. How nice of them.
This makes my blood boil; however, I wasn't too upset...less than usual actually. I realized that I can no longer put my faith or trust in our AWESOME American government (something that I was taught growing up). And I know I should have never put my faith and trust in any man or thing because they WILL fail and disappoint me, but I was raised on the American dream in school and at home. I was taught to work hard and be rewarded. The harder I worked, the more I would get rewarded.
It kind of makes sense right? But what about those people who work 90 hours a week at three different jobs just to put food on the table and clothes on the backs of their children? I thought food and clothes were expected, not a reward. Or what about those people who wants jobs and can't get them, but would work hard if given the opportunity?
My friends, the American dream has failed us. That is why I am giving up on the idea that I will ever be rich. I do not believe what the government has fed me. I don't believe in working hard and making tons of money.
What I do believe in; however, is God. I believe God will always provide, no matter what happens in the economy. No matter what happens in the stock market. No matter what happens in the housing market. God will always be there to BAIL me out with His own stimulus package. And although I may never EVER see 700 billion dollars in my life time, I truly believe my needs will always be met. Yes, there will be things I wish I could have, but I know I don't NEED it. God is my government and He is always there for ME...He is not greedy, He is not worried about the economy, and He does not take lavish vacations with my tax money. Could you imagine God taking a vacay with my tithe?! LOL funny thought, right???
Anyway, I am a realist to a fault and I know that although I trust God with financial situations whole heartedly, I still live in this greedy world, so I am careful with how I spend my money and I do have a budget. But I believe thats what God wants me to do. God has provided my husband with a great job that provides for our family. Ultimately, the money he makes is God's. It is only fair that we are responsible with what God has given us (dawgs, I am preaching to myself too..I have to remind myself).
I know to some of you, this might seem crazy, to trust in something I can't see. However, if God didn't prove Himself to me over and over, then I wouldn't continue to trust Him.
Allow God to prove Himself to you..I guarantee He won't let you down. It's not in His nature.
I promise I am going somewhere with this.
Why does the news never have anything good to say? Why do they cover stories of people dying or people who are already millionaires getting richer? These are not things I want to read about. It's not that I don't care, it's just that its' depressing to read about good people dying and it makes me nauseous reading about people who are getting richer that don't need the money.
Speaking of which...the reason for this blog. I'm going to rant here...be prepared. My husband very cautiously turned on Micheal Moore's latest film, Capitalism: A love story. Bad idea, considering that I already know too much about politics and the greedy people involved. This movie was just a reminder of how corrupt people in politics truly are. The bailout was voted down (for those of you who don't know, it was to give money back to mortgage companies and banks...not to help the people). It was a good thing to vote this down. It's not the governments problem to help out banks. However, even though it was voted down...they re voted a few days later and it was passed. So here goes 700 billion dollars to help out these already rich and greedy executives so they could take luxurious vacations and have meetings pool side in paradise. How nice of them.
This makes my blood boil; however, I wasn't too upset...less than usual actually. I realized that I can no longer put my faith or trust in our AWESOME American government (something that I was taught growing up). And I know I should have never put my faith and trust in any man or thing because they WILL fail and disappoint me, but I was raised on the American dream in school and at home. I was taught to work hard and be rewarded. The harder I worked, the more I would get rewarded.
It kind of makes sense right? But what about those people who work 90 hours a week at three different jobs just to put food on the table and clothes on the backs of their children? I thought food and clothes were expected, not a reward. Or what about those people who wants jobs and can't get them, but would work hard if given the opportunity?
My friends, the American dream has failed us. That is why I am giving up on the idea that I will ever be rich. I do not believe what the government has fed me. I don't believe in working hard and making tons of money.
What I do believe in; however, is God. I believe God will always provide, no matter what happens in the economy. No matter what happens in the stock market. No matter what happens in the housing market. God will always be there to BAIL me out with His own stimulus package. And although I may never EVER see 700 billion dollars in my life time, I truly believe my needs will always be met. Yes, there will be things I wish I could have, but I know I don't NEED it. God is my government and He is always there for ME...He is not greedy, He is not worried about the economy, and He does not take lavish vacations with my tax money. Could you imagine God taking a vacay with my tithe?! LOL funny thought, right???
Anyway, I am a realist to a fault and I know that although I trust God with financial situations whole heartedly, I still live in this greedy world, so I am careful with how I spend my money and I do have a budget. But I believe thats what God wants me to do. God has provided my husband with a great job that provides for our family. Ultimately, the money he makes is God's. It is only fair that we are responsible with what God has given us (dawgs, I am preaching to myself too..I have to remind myself).
I know to some of you, this might seem crazy, to trust in something I can't see. However, if God didn't prove Himself to me over and over, then I wouldn't continue to trust Him.
Allow God to prove Himself to you..I guarantee He won't let you down. It's not in His nature.
Saturday, September 10, 2011
September 11...Random Thoughts
Tomorrow marks the 10th anniversary of the worst day in American history. I have to admit after watching tons of documentaries and special news additions, that I am getting rather upset. I feel like I am reliving that day over and over each time. It really is taking its toll on me. I would stop watching them, but I feel like I have to. I feel like its the American thing to do. I HAVE to remember. I HAVE to acknowledge those who died because I would want them to do the same for me or for a loved one. I can't block it out like it didn't happen because it did happen.
When I watch those documentaries, I try and put myself in that person's shoes. I try and understand what it must have been like. I was only 18 at the time. Young and naive. I didn't even really know what the World Trade Center was. I mean, I knew what it was, but I didn't realize how significant it was or its iconic importance to our country. I was miles away from the impacts, so I couldn't possibly understand what those people felt. But I have to somehow understand. I NEED to know what it felt like to be in the middle of it. Maybe its some subconscious way of preparing myself...just in case. I don't know.
Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly where I was. I was at home, getting ready for class. I watched as the second plane hit the second tower. I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew it was something bad by the reactions I saw on TV. I called my mom who told me everything was fine. I knew better because the news anchors were telling me differently and the emotion on each New Yorkers face spoke volumes.
I drove to school and listened to news radio. I didn't want to get out of the car. I wanted to hear every detail. What was happening to our country? I got out as I heard about the Pentagon. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand all that was happening.
I sat in my Calc class wondering what in the world was going on. Some girl ran into our class screaming and crying. She was looking for her boyfriend who sat across from me. He walked into the hallway with her and she cried as she said told him more planes were unaccounted for and some were headed for Atlantic City and the Sears Tower.
This scared me more than anything..more than the images themselves.
I went home that night hoping my parents would give me a definitive explanation of what was going on. The news was on as I walked in. My mom was cooking dinner and my dad was watching the news on the couch. I watched my dad's reaction as he watched the replay of the second plane going into the second tower over and over. I was waiting for his response to the images. Finally he said, "Oh my Gosh, its like a kamikaze." I asked him what that meant. He said, "its like they did it on purpose."
At that point, I got it. I understood. It all made sense. Someone was extremely mad at us and decided to do this. Before 9/11, in my naive little world, I could have never imagined someone would do that. That someone COULD do that. It changed my world.
To this day, I hold my breath and cringe whenever I hear a plane fly overhead and living by an air force base and the AC airport, its frequent. I am skeptical about anything in the air, preparing myself for the worse. I do not live in fear only because I have chosen to block the fear out, but like I said, I am always skeptical. I don't like flying and never have. 9/11 gives me more of a reason not to fly. If I do, I need valume. I search the plane up and down for anyone that looks suspicious. I would tackle someone if I had to. I probably would be arrested for profiling and accidentally trying to attack someone. I'll just stay away from planes for now.
The other day I heard a phone call that was recorded on 9/11. It was between a 911 operator and a guy from inside the tower. It records the last 5 minutes of this guys life. It ends with him screaming and the towers collapsing. I don't know why I listened to it because it gave me nightmares. I couldn't sleep for days. But I HAD to listen to it. I had to know what happened in the towers. I wanted to know what it was like for those people inside. After I listened to it, I questioned. Why did God not save those people? Why didn't He help them in some way? The guy inside the towers kept saying he couldn't breath because of the smoke and at one point he tells the operator to ask God to blow wind from the West. Why couldn't God do that? Why didn't He do it?
I know a lot of people were saved that day, but so many lost their lives. I wish it was different. I wish people didn't have to lose their lives. I wish people didn't have to suffer. Its heart breaking.
In the end, I thank God my family was safe. I mourn with those who lost loved ones. I remember those who died. I cry with those who cry. I have not gotten to the point where I can say I mourn the loss of the terrorists. I can't yet...I am still angry. I feel like they got what they deserved. Hell is an awful place and I feel like they deserve to be there. I know thats my human instinct taking over, but part of me does not want to forgive them. I can't. Maybe someday I can honestly say I forgive them, but today, I cannot. I feel like if I said I forgave them I would be slapping all those who lost loved ones in the face.
With God's help, one day I can move on...however, I will never forget <3
When I watch those documentaries, I try and put myself in that person's shoes. I try and understand what it must have been like. I was only 18 at the time. Young and naive. I didn't even really know what the World Trade Center was. I mean, I knew what it was, but I didn't realize how significant it was or its iconic importance to our country. I was miles away from the impacts, so I couldn't possibly understand what those people felt. But I have to somehow understand. I NEED to know what it felt like to be in the middle of it. Maybe its some subconscious way of preparing myself...just in case. I don't know.
Of course, like everyone else, I remember exactly where I was. I was at home, getting ready for class. I watched as the second plane hit the second tower. I didn't understand what was going on, but I knew it was something bad by the reactions I saw on TV. I called my mom who told me everything was fine. I knew better because the news anchors were telling me differently and the emotion on each New Yorkers face spoke volumes.
I drove to school and listened to news radio. I didn't want to get out of the car. I wanted to hear every detail. What was happening to our country? I got out as I heard about the Pentagon. I didn't get it. I couldn't understand all that was happening.
I sat in my Calc class wondering what in the world was going on. Some girl ran into our class screaming and crying. She was looking for her boyfriend who sat across from me. He walked into the hallway with her and she cried as she said told him more planes were unaccounted for and some were headed for Atlantic City and the Sears Tower.
This scared me more than anything..more than the images themselves.
I went home that night hoping my parents would give me a definitive explanation of what was going on. The news was on as I walked in. My mom was cooking dinner and my dad was watching the news on the couch. I watched my dad's reaction as he watched the replay of the second plane going into the second tower over and over. I was waiting for his response to the images. Finally he said, "Oh my Gosh, its like a kamikaze." I asked him what that meant. He said, "its like they did it on purpose."
At that point, I got it. I understood. It all made sense. Someone was extremely mad at us and decided to do this. Before 9/11, in my naive little world, I could have never imagined someone would do that. That someone COULD do that. It changed my world.
To this day, I hold my breath and cringe whenever I hear a plane fly overhead and living by an air force base and the AC airport, its frequent. I am skeptical about anything in the air, preparing myself for the worse. I do not live in fear only because I have chosen to block the fear out, but like I said, I am always skeptical. I don't like flying and never have. 9/11 gives me more of a reason not to fly. If I do, I need valume. I search the plane up and down for anyone that looks suspicious. I would tackle someone if I had to. I probably would be arrested for profiling and accidentally trying to attack someone. I'll just stay away from planes for now.
The other day I heard a phone call that was recorded on 9/11. It was between a 911 operator and a guy from inside the tower. It records the last 5 minutes of this guys life. It ends with him screaming and the towers collapsing. I don't know why I listened to it because it gave me nightmares. I couldn't sleep for days. But I HAD to listen to it. I had to know what happened in the towers. I wanted to know what it was like for those people inside. After I listened to it, I questioned. Why did God not save those people? Why didn't He help them in some way? The guy inside the towers kept saying he couldn't breath because of the smoke and at one point he tells the operator to ask God to blow wind from the West. Why couldn't God do that? Why didn't He do it?
I know a lot of people were saved that day, but so many lost their lives. I wish it was different. I wish people didn't have to lose their lives. I wish people didn't have to suffer. Its heart breaking.
In the end, I thank God my family was safe. I mourn with those who lost loved ones. I remember those who died. I cry with those who cry. I have not gotten to the point where I can say I mourn the loss of the terrorists. I can't yet...I am still angry. I feel like they got what they deserved. Hell is an awful place and I feel like they deserve to be there. I know thats my human instinct taking over, but part of me does not want to forgive them. I can't. Maybe someday I can honestly say I forgive them, but today, I cannot. I feel like if I said I forgave them I would be slapping all those who lost loved ones in the face.
With God's help, one day I can move on...however, I will never forget <3
Tuesday, August 23, 2011
What if we are the sign people are looking for??
One day last summer my brother and I decided to go surfing. It was hurricane season and the waves were big. Overall, the weather was pretty nasty. It was rainy, foggy, dark, and gloomy, but we wouldn't let that stop us from surfing good waves.
To be honest, I don't remember what the surf was like that day. I remember being more excited about the "treasures" I'd find on the beach. You see, during hurricane season, a lot cool stuff washes ashore. I guess you can contribute it to the stormy weather that stirs everything up. Anyway, you can find all kinds of cool things like pretty shells, lots of seaweed, toilet seats, sunglasses, hermit crabs, and a ton of star fish. I love star fish. They are so cool and pretty.
Anyway, when we got to the beach, I dont think I even went in the water. I was too interested in searching for "treasures." I went down to the water's edge and started walking, looking closely for anything that was appealing. I got a few feet from where we dropped our stuff and noticed a ton of star fish!! Suhweeeeeet! I didn't want anyone else to have them so I started to collect them all! There had to be at least 50! I picked up a bunch and any that were missing legs, I left for someone else (real nice of me, right?). I literally couldn't carry all of them so I made several trips. In the end, I collected 30 something star fish.
I placed them on my surf board and decided that I couldn't keep all of them, but I wanted to show my brother what I had found before I'd throw them back in the ocean. When he got out of the water, he couldn't believe how many I had collected! He went down to find more and sure enough a bunch more had washed up. We grabbed all of them and placed them on my surf board. We couldn't believe how many there were!
As we were searching for more "treasures" a little girl and her mom came up to the beach. Keep in mind it was a terribly nasty day out and that there wasn't anyone on the beach except a few surfers and one guy walking his dog. I took notice of them because the mom was wearing scrubs. It looked like she was on her lunch break or something and was taking her daughter for a walk on the beach. The mom and daughter walked up and down the beach, but didnt go too far from the block we were on (which was where they entered the beach).
As the mom and daughter were walking, I noticed the little girl looking for 'treasures' too. She was picking up random shells. When I saw her do this, I felt bad. I knew there wasn't anything good because I had taken it all. She wasn't going to find anything special.
It wasn't long after this that the mom and daughter headed back up the beach. I wasn't standing too far away from them when they passed my surfboard full of star fish and pretty shells. I heard the little girl say, "Look Mom!! Look at all their starfish!" The mom hurried her daughter along, but the little girl wanted to get a closer look. She stopped and stood, starring, just memorized by my board. The mom hurried the little girl along again. It seemed as if the mom didn't want to get her daughter's hopes up of actually finding a star fish of her own.
The little girl followed as her mom slowly walked up to the cement wall. I thought they were leaving, but instead they sat on the wall for a bit.
At this point my brother had come back from walking the beach for more treasures. I told him what happened with the little girl and how she was checking out our star fish. Both my brother and I really felt this little girl needed a star fish. By the time we realized this, the mom and daughter were headed back down toward the water to search again. My guess is the little girl convinced her mom to give it one last try to find a star fish of her own.
My brother and I devised a plan. My brother would take one of our star fish, walk several feet in front of the little girl and her mom and drop the star fish so she could find it. So, my brother did just that. He walked toward the water, dropped the star fish several feet in front of the pair and walked back up the beach to our stuff. And you know what? The little girl and her mom walked right passed it and didn't even see it! LOL
My brother and I watched as they walked passed it. We were upset. We really wanted the little girl to have a star fish. We just felt such an urgency for her to have one. So both of us watched as her and her mom walked up the beach and onto the street. Neither of us could shake the feeling of this little girl having to have a star fish. We had to get her one.
At this point, the mom and daughter were down the street, but we still wanted her to have one. Maybe they would walk back up the beach and ask for one. Maybe the littler girl will come back and walk passed our board and I'll have an opportunity to hand her one. I contemplated running down the street after them and giving her one, but wouldn't they think I was nuts?! The more time I wasted, the further down the street they got. Eventually, I just caved.
I didn't care if they thought I was nuts. There was a reason both my brother and I felt such an urgency to give this little girl a star fish. I would never know why, but we felt like it was God telling us. So I picked up a star fish and literally booked it down the street. I mean full on ran, with no shoes. And I was just in time too. They were about to turn the corner.
"Excuse me!" I said out of breath, "Would you like a star fish?"
The mom just looked at me. The little girl took the star fish out of my hand and said something like, "oh WOW!" But the little girl faded as I starred into the mother's eyes. I will never forget it. I couldn't tell you what the little girl looked like. I could barely tell you what the mom looked like. I can't remember the cars driving passed. I can't remember the house we were standing next to. I can tell you, however, what her eyes looked like because it was crazy.
You know how they say your eyes are the windows to your heart/soul. Well if thats true then in this woman's heart was gratefulness. She was so appreciative of something so stupid. I couldn't believe it. At the same time, she looked so sad. The mom thanked me over and over like I was a sign she was looking for. It seemed like she wanted to hug me, but she resisted.
I stupidly said, "Yeah I don't know if its dead or alive, but we wanted you to have one." LOL Hahaha
She thanked me again and I walked back up on the beach and told my brother what I did. He said something that really got me thinking. He said what if that woman's husband just died and she was taking her daughter for a walk on the beach to get out of the house to take her mind off of everything. What if in her mind, all hope was lost and she was waiting for a sign, something that would give her hope. And then you gave her that starfish. Or what if the little girl was so sad and today was the day you gave her a starfish and she keeps that on her desk in her room at home as a reminder of the day things got better and life turned around for her.
Whoa, that was deep. I don't normally think like that, but my brother does. What if.....
I will never know the impact giving that little girl a star fish had on her or her mom...or if it had an impact at all. All I know is that day God moved in us. And we listened. And to this day, to this moment, it touches my heart. Just knowing how appreciative that mom was that day. They may have forgotten all about it. The star fish might be in the trash. It doesn't matter. It feels good to know I made a difference, even if it was for just a moment.
And no, I don't write this to give myself a boost because I'm not all that great or special. I write this to remind myself to listen to the voice of God even when it feels uncomfortable. If I had let my mind get the best of me, I would have never ran down the street, that little girl would have never had a star fish, and I would have never had that experience.
Who knows if I will ever see those people again. I can't even remember what they looked like. I could remember the mom if I saw her eyes though. They were like crystals. They sparkled.
I do imagine I will see them in heaven one day....
Friday, August 5, 2011
Discovering unChristian Faith
This is chapter 2 of the book unChristian.
I mentioned in my previous post the dynamics of today's generation (see unChristian). The author continues to discuss the characteristics of today's 16-29 yr olds in chapter two. He also discusses the "words or phrases that people use to describe religious faith (Kinnaman, 2007)." Here are some statistics for you:
91% of 'outsiders' think Christians are antihomosexual
87% believe Christians are judgmental
85% believe Christians are hypocritical
75% believe Christians are too involved with politics
72% believe Christians are out of touch with reality
70% believe Christians are insensitive to others
The list goes on, but those are just a few characterizations of Christians by 'outsiders.'
The author does discuss positive phrases perceived by outsiders concerning Christians, but I won't list them since the numbers don't compare. The negative outweigh the positive.
The author sums up the outsiders perspective with 'six broad themes:'
1. hypocritical
2. too focused on getting converts
3. antihomosexual
4. sheltered
5. too political
6. judgmental
He gives a little summary of each, but they are mainly self-explanatory.
The author goes on to discuss some possible arguments one could use in retaliation to an outsiders perception. Us Christians could say that any outsider blames Christianity for their own spiritual denial, therefore, having a negative outlook. However, the author states that "it's easier for people to rationalize their rejection of Christ if they believe Christianity doesn't deserve respect (Kinnaman, 2007)." He goes on to say that we would be stupid if we believed an outsider would reject Christianity solely "to avoid feelings of spiritual guilt (Kinnaman, 2007)."
An outsider's perception of Christianity is not based on their own random presumptions. Their perception comes from multiple sources that include: having Christian friends, co-workers, neighbors, or family members, having been in the church themselves and experiencing the negativity, being a 'sucker' to 'secular' media (although author states that outsiders are not influenced by media as much as we think. Only 31% said that tv and movies influenced their thinking, while 44% said books influenced their perception. Music followed both at only 16%), and being hurt by a Christian.
The author goes on to discuss that Christians sometimes respond to the negative perception by 'hijacking Jesus' or present the word in a less offensive manner ('hijacking' the REAL image of who Jesus was). My question is, have you ever heard a sermon on hell? Moving on....
The sad thing is that many young people WITHIN the church hold the same perception (I would completely agree since I AM one of those young people). Here are some stats for you:
80% of churchgoers believed Christians to be antihomosexual (remember 91% of outsiders felt this way)
52% of churchgoers believed Christians are judgmental (outsiders - 87%)
50% of churchgoers believed Christians are too involved in politics (outsiders - 75%)
47% of churchgoers believed Christians are old-fashioned (outsiders - 78%)
Obviously, the statistics for those WITHIN the church aren't as bad as those outside the church. However, as a Christian, it is sad to see that half of us Christian church going people believe the rest of us are judgmental. What's wrong with that picture?
And yes, the author does say that the churchgoing 16-29 yr olds do want nothing more than to live a life for Christ and try to partake in activities pleasing to Him, but many still hold onto a negative outlook because of what they experience in their churches and the Christians around them.
The author goes on to discuss reasons on why Christians should care about an outsiders perspective. If you are interested in knowing why we should care, then read the book, but I can sum it up for you by saying this: We should care because we need to change it.
That's all for chapter two. I have been mainly just reading this book without completely forming an opinion. I am one of those 16-29 yr old Christians, but I hold an outsider's perspective. I have personally dealt with passed judgment, hypocrites, and crazies who instilled fear in me. And no, I am not talking about the fear of God, I am talking about the 'if you mess up or do anything wrong, you are going to hell kinda fear (I got saved every week because of this). At one point, I do believe I went from Christian to outsider during my college days. I stopped going to church altogether simply because the church closest to campus was uninviting and old-fashioned (no one greeted me or said hi, I felt totally unwelcomed). I was discouraged and gave up. I felt that me being a single, young girl could not help the church in any way. I was no good to them (I wasn't a family six), so no one payed any mind to me. I didn't visit any more churches after that and gave up going unless I went home for a weekend. And even then, I was one of two 20 somethings in my church.
What are your thoughts?
I mentioned in my previous post the dynamics of today's generation (see unChristian). The author continues to discuss the characteristics of today's 16-29 yr olds in chapter two. He also discusses the "words or phrases that people use to describe religious faith (Kinnaman, 2007)." Here are some statistics for you:
91% of 'outsiders' think Christians are antihomosexual
87% believe Christians are judgmental
85% believe Christians are hypocritical
75% believe Christians are too involved with politics
72% believe Christians are out of touch with reality
70% believe Christians are insensitive to others
The list goes on, but those are just a few characterizations of Christians by 'outsiders.'
The author does discuss positive phrases perceived by outsiders concerning Christians, but I won't list them since the numbers don't compare. The negative outweigh the positive.
The author sums up the outsiders perspective with 'six broad themes:'
1. hypocritical
2. too focused on getting converts
3. antihomosexual
4. sheltered
5. too political
6. judgmental
He gives a little summary of each, but they are mainly self-explanatory.
The author goes on to discuss some possible arguments one could use in retaliation to an outsiders perception. Us Christians could say that any outsider blames Christianity for their own spiritual denial, therefore, having a negative outlook. However, the author states that "it's easier for people to rationalize their rejection of Christ if they believe Christianity doesn't deserve respect (Kinnaman, 2007)." He goes on to say that we would be stupid if we believed an outsider would reject Christianity solely "to avoid feelings of spiritual guilt (Kinnaman, 2007)."
An outsider's perception of Christianity is not based on their own random presumptions. Their perception comes from multiple sources that include: having Christian friends, co-workers, neighbors, or family members, having been in the church themselves and experiencing the negativity, being a 'sucker' to 'secular' media (although author states that outsiders are not influenced by media as much as we think. Only 31% said that tv and movies influenced their thinking, while 44% said books influenced their perception. Music followed both at only 16%), and being hurt by a Christian.
The author goes on to discuss that Christians sometimes respond to the negative perception by 'hijacking Jesus' or present the word in a less offensive manner ('hijacking' the REAL image of who Jesus was). My question is, have you ever heard a sermon on hell? Moving on....
The sad thing is that many young people WITHIN the church hold the same perception (I would completely agree since I AM one of those young people). Here are some stats for you:
80% of churchgoers believed Christians to be antihomosexual (remember 91% of outsiders felt this way)
52% of churchgoers believed Christians are judgmental (outsiders - 87%)
50% of churchgoers believed Christians are too involved in politics (outsiders - 75%)
47% of churchgoers believed Christians are old-fashioned (outsiders - 78%)
Obviously, the statistics for those WITHIN the church aren't as bad as those outside the church. However, as a Christian, it is sad to see that half of us Christian church going people believe the rest of us are judgmental. What's wrong with that picture?
And yes, the author does say that the churchgoing 16-29 yr olds do want nothing more than to live a life for Christ and try to partake in activities pleasing to Him, but many still hold onto a negative outlook because of what they experience in their churches and the Christians around them.
The author goes on to discuss reasons on why Christians should care about an outsiders perspective. If you are interested in knowing why we should care, then read the book, but I can sum it up for you by saying this: We should care because we need to change it.
That's all for chapter two. I have been mainly just reading this book without completely forming an opinion. I am one of those 16-29 yr old Christians, but I hold an outsider's perspective. I have personally dealt with passed judgment, hypocrites, and crazies who instilled fear in me. And no, I am not talking about the fear of God, I am talking about the 'if you mess up or do anything wrong, you are going to hell kinda fear (I got saved every week because of this). At one point, I do believe I went from Christian to outsider during my college days. I stopped going to church altogether simply because the church closest to campus was uninviting and old-fashioned (no one greeted me or said hi, I felt totally unwelcomed). I was discouraged and gave up. I felt that me being a single, young girl could not help the church in any way. I was no good to them (I wasn't a family six), so no one payed any mind to me. I didn't visit any more churches after that and gave up going unless I went home for a weekend. And even then, I was one of two 20 somethings in my church.
What are your thoughts?
Thursday, August 4, 2011
UnChristian
So John and I took a trip to the town carnival today in Galloway. It comes every year. Its pretty small and not a big deal unless your a 'tween' looking to mack it to your girlfriend (they were everywhere), but we figured it would be nice to get out the house to walk around for a bit. So, we went, walked and 5 minutes later, we were done.
We drove 15 minutes to get the stroller out and walk around for 5 minutes? There had to be more to do. Well, luckily there was. The carnival was right by the library so I figured I'd stop in and grab a few books. I had recently read an article on the "10 books you should have read in high school, but you probably just bought the cliff notes" and I was feeling guilty so I thought I'd grab all those American Literature classics I never read.
I like the library. Its quiet and therapeutic to walk up and down the aisles looking at random books. I like reading the summaries. Sometimes I pick up books that have a kool title or I'll pick up a book simply because the picture on the front is colorful. This is my idea of a good time these days.
Anyhoo, I was walking around aimlessly trying to find those American Classics and I stumbled upon the religion section. I was not looking for this particular section, but I had managed to make my way there. I rummaged through a few books, pulling them from the shelf and reading their summaries. Most looked boring to me, like old history books. But one in particular caught my attention. It was titled, "UnChristian." I grabbed it, read the summary and was immediately enthralled. I had to get this book. A few minutes later, after I grabbed a few of those American Classics, I was checking out and headed back to the car.
I'll be honest, as we were driving I wondered if I would really read the book. I wanted to and had good intentions, but when would I find the time? Well, I managed to find time tonight before bed and I will tell you that having only read 25 pages of this book, I am hooked. So hooked that I will share this book with you chapter by chapter as I read it. So here is chapter one.
This book is about the UnChristian or those outside the faith between the ages of 16-29. It is about the 'outsiders' (which includes many different people, not just atheists) perception of Christians and Christianity. And the findings are not good. Outsiders (as the author refers to them) of that age range find Christians to be hypocritical, judgmental, and often have a hard time connecting with them. The authors goal is to make Christians aware of these perceptions and to bridge the gap between believers and 'outsiders' so they (or we) can bring more people to Jesus. The author believes bridging the gap will help us better communicate and connect with 'outsiders.'
This all makes sense to me since I fall between the targeted research group. I have had many many conversations with people about how the church has failed and that is why we see very few 18-30 year olds in the church today.
However one thing got me thinking. The author begins to describe the characteristics of older Mosaics and younger Busters (the 16-29 year olds) in detail. We are an interesting bunch (I say 'we' because I fall into that category). He describes as this:
"..young people perceive the world in very different terms than people ever have before. For example, the lifestyles of Mosaics and Busters are more diverse than those of their parents' generation, including education, career, family, values, and leisure. Young people do not want to be defined by a 'normal' lifestyle. They favor a unique and personal journey."
He continues by stating:
"...relationships are a driving force. Being loyal to friends is one of their highest values. They have a strong need to belong....Still, under their relational connectedness lies fierce individualism...they are irreverent and blunt. Finding ways to express themselves and their rage...Being skeptical of leaders, products, and institutions is part of their generational coding...They do not trust things that seem too perfect...(They) enjoy more hours of media...Technologies connect young people to information and each other-and power their self-expression and creativity...(Kinnaman, 2007)."
I would have to agree with this generalization and I would expect you to agree as well if you fell into the 16-29 yr old age range.
As I mentioned before, something got me thinking. The author mentions a study conducted in 1996. The study was based on an outsiders perspective of Christianity. They found that 85% of Americans favored Christianity and had a positive outlook on Christians. However, ten years later, that number was cut in half.
One could say different people were surveyed which could have drastically changed the results; however, both studies, the one in 1996 and the one in 2006, included atheists, agnostics, and non church goers. So let's say that wasn't a factor.
My question is this:
Is it the church's fault for being hypocritical, judgmental, fearmongering crazies that has turned people off in the past ten years? Or is it the 'outsiders' fault for becoming cynical skeptics?
I would love some feedback.
We drove 15 minutes to get the stroller out and walk around for 5 minutes? There had to be more to do. Well, luckily there was. The carnival was right by the library so I figured I'd stop in and grab a few books. I had recently read an article on the "10 books you should have read in high school, but you probably just bought the cliff notes" and I was feeling guilty so I thought I'd grab all those American Literature classics I never read.
I like the library. Its quiet and therapeutic to walk up and down the aisles looking at random books. I like reading the summaries. Sometimes I pick up books that have a kool title or I'll pick up a book simply because the picture on the front is colorful. This is my idea of a good time these days.
Anyhoo, I was walking around aimlessly trying to find those American Classics and I stumbled upon the religion section. I was not looking for this particular section, but I had managed to make my way there. I rummaged through a few books, pulling them from the shelf and reading their summaries. Most looked boring to me, like old history books. But one in particular caught my attention. It was titled, "UnChristian." I grabbed it, read the summary and was immediately enthralled. I had to get this book. A few minutes later, after I grabbed a few of those American Classics, I was checking out and headed back to the car.
I'll be honest, as we were driving I wondered if I would really read the book. I wanted to and had good intentions, but when would I find the time? Well, I managed to find time tonight before bed and I will tell you that having only read 25 pages of this book, I am hooked. So hooked that I will share this book with you chapter by chapter as I read it. So here is chapter one.
This book is about the UnChristian or those outside the faith between the ages of 16-29. It is about the 'outsiders' (which includes many different people, not just atheists) perception of Christians and Christianity. And the findings are not good. Outsiders (as the author refers to them) of that age range find Christians to be hypocritical, judgmental, and often have a hard time connecting with them. The authors goal is to make Christians aware of these perceptions and to bridge the gap between believers and 'outsiders' so they (or we) can bring more people to Jesus. The author believes bridging the gap will help us better communicate and connect with 'outsiders.'
This all makes sense to me since I fall between the targeted research group. I have had many many conversations with people about how the church has failed and that is why we see very few 18-30 year olds in the church today.
However one thing got me thinking. The author begins to describe the characteristics of older Mosaics and younger Busters (the 16-29 year olds) in detail. We are an interesting bunch (I say 'we' because I fall into that category). He describes as this:
"..young people perceive the world in very different terms than people ever have before. For example, the lifestyles of Mosaics and Busters are more diverse than those of their parents' generation, including education, career, family, values, and leisure. Young people do not want to be defined by a 'normal' lifestyle. They favor a unique and personal journey."
He continues by stating:
"...relationships are a driving force. Being loyal to friends is one of their highest values. They have a strong need to belong....Still, under their relational connectedness lies fierce individualism...they are irreverent and blunt. Finding ways to express themselves and their rage...Being skeptical of leaders, products, and institutions is part of their generational coding...They do not trust things that seem too perfect...(They) enjoy more hours of media...Technologies connect young people to information and each other-and power their self-expression and creativity...(Kinnaman, 2007)."
I would have to agree with this generalization and I would expect you to agree as well if you fell into the 16-29 yr old age range.
As I mentioned before, something got me thinking. The author mentions a study conducted in 1996. The study was based on an outsiders perspective of Christianity. They found that 85% of Americans favored Christianity and had a positive outlook on Christians. However, ten years later, that number was cut in half.
One could say different people were surveyed which could have drastically changed the results; however, both studies, the one in 1996 and the one in 2006, included atheists, agnostics, and non church goers. So let's say that wasn't a factor.
My question is this:
Is it the church's fault for being hypocritical, judgmental, fearmongering crazies that has turned people off in the past ten years? Or is it the 'outsiders' fault for becoming cynical skeptics?
I would love some feedback.
Getting over it all with Jesus
It's rare these days that I get a moment of silence to myself. I have come to the realization that babies are loud creatures and demand more attention then one person can give. Granted, I have an amazing husband who lets me sleep in when he's home and allows me to work out every day. I do get those moments to myself, but it's rare that I get a moment to just sit and let my mind wonder. When I do get those moments, its usually in the morning, while I'm still half asleep, TRYING to get a few more minutes in before I face the day. Those few minutes are usually interrupted by a screaming a baby who is waiting for me to take care of his every need.
However, this past week has been different. Luckily for me, my husband has been on vacation from work and has gotten up with the baby pretty much every morning so I can sleep in. This has allowed me several moments of silence (as I like to call them) and many periods of reflection (reflection is one of those teacher buzz words that unfortunately has become part of my regular vocabulary). During these moments, I have prayed, asked God many questions, read the Bible, and thought. I thought about what I read and why God does the things He does. I thought about my life and how God was working in it. Most importantly, I reflected, and asked God to reveal things to me.
Now understand, that when you ask God to reveal things to you, you may not like what He reveals. I came to this conclusion recently when He revealed to me the latest revelation about myself. What was it? Read on.
One morning, during one of those precious moments of silence I got thinking about certain people God placed in my life. I began thinking about the way those certain people treated me and how they hurt me (both unintentionally and intentionally). I realized that I was very upset about how these people treated me and I became very bitter. At that moment, I realized I held stupid grudges and took things way more personally than I should have. In the end, even though I felt my bitterness and anger towards these people were justified, I hated the person I had become due to an overwhelming bitterness and regretted the way I treated those people in return.
Yes, God revealed to me, that I was bitter. Me?! Bitter? Yes. It was hard to swallow, honestly. No one likes the truth because the truth hurts, but me being bitter was the truth. Now knowing I was a bitter person, I looked back at some previous relationships and examined them. After thorough examination, I realized that I had ruined relationships because of stupid bitterness. I held grudges and refused to talk to people. And for what? For no good reason. Because they said or did something I can't even remember.
I have to say, as I am typing this, that it is not easy putting this out there for all to see. I would never want anyone to judge me because of this, but instead pray for me and my bitterness. We all struggle with something and this is my something. The first step is realization. I have realized my problem and I can only move forward. No one wants to be a bitter person. Its not worth it. It's not worth ruining relationships over. Its stupid. Life is too short to hold grudges and at the end of the day, I can't even remember why I held those grudges.
The big thing for me is not having the bitterness, but how it made me feel. It made me a miserable person. Holding grudges turns you into a nasty person. It makes you act out in anger for no reason. It causes you to be mean and take things personally. That's no good. I want to be a happy person all the time.
My plan now is to pray that God helps me. I can honestly say I am already on the road to recovery (LOL). I am giving up holding grudges and taking things personally. Life's too short to be angry, bitter, mad, or whatever. I'm getting over it all with the help of Jesus. :)
However, this past week has been different. Luckily for me, my husband has been on vacation from work and has gotten up with the baby pretty much every morning so I can sleep in. This has allowed me several moments of silence (as I like to call them) and many periods of reflection (reflection is one of those teacher buzz words that unfortunately has become part of my regular vocabulary). During these moments, I have prayed, asked God many questions, read the Bible, and thought. I thought about what I read and why God does the things He does. I thought about my life and how God was working in it. Most importantly, I reflected, and asked God to reveal things to me.
Now understand, that when you ask God to reveal things to you, you may not like what He reveals. I came to this conclusion recently when He revealed to me the latest revelation about myself. What was it? Read on.
One morning, during one of those precious moments of silence I got thinking about certain people God placed in my life. I began thinking about the way those certain people treated me and how they hurt me (both unintentionally and intentionally). I realized that I was very upset about how these people treated me and I became very bitter. At that moment, I realized I held stupid grudges and took things way more personally than I should have. In the end, even though I felt my bitterness and anger towards these people were justified, I hated the person I had become due to an overwhelming bitterness and regretted the way I treated those people in return.
Yes, God revealed to me, that I was bitter. Me?! Bitter? Yes. It was hard to swallow, honestly. No one likes the truth because the truth hurts, but me being bitter was the truth. Now knowing I was a bitter person, I looked back at some previous relationships and examined them. After thorough examination, I realized that I had ruined relationships because of stupid bitterness. I held grudges and refused to talk to people. And for what? For no good reason. Because they said or did something I can't even remember.
I have to say, as I am typing this, that it is not easy putting this out there for all to see. I would never want anyone to judge me because of this, but instead pray for me and my bitterness. We all struggle with something and this is my something. The first step is realization. I have realized my problem and I can only move forward. No one wants to be a bitter person. Its not worth it. It's not worth ruining relationships over. Its stupid. Life is too short to hold grudges and at the end of the day, I can't even remember why I held those grudges.
The big thing for me is not having the bitterness, but how it made me feel. It made me a miserable person. Holding grudges turns you into a nasty person. It makes you act out in anger for no reason. It causes you to be mean and take things personally. That's no good. I want to be a happy person all the time.
My plan now is to pray that God helps me. I can honestly say I am already on the road to recovery (LOL). I am giving up holding grudges and taking things personally. Life's too short to be angry, bitter, mad, or whatever. I'm getting over it all with the help of Jesus. :)
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Caleb's Dedication
When I got pregnant with Caleb, I was so grateful. I felt like I was one of the lucky ones. I constantly thought about those women who couldn't get pregnant or lost children. Why did God pick me? Why was I allowed to have children, but others weren't? I was so thankful. I thanked God every day, multiple times a day.
After awhile, simply telling God 'thank you' wasn't enough. There had to be more. One day at about four or five months pregnant, I was jogging on the treadmill. I began to thank God for the beautiful gift He put inside me, but I felt my thank yous weren't enough. I asked God what else I could do to show Him how grateful I was. There had to be something. God told me to dedicate the baby back to Him. Without hesitation, I told God I would, but I thought there had to be more I could do. After all, I was already going to dedicate the baby....that was it, God?
God told me over and over to simply dedicate the baby...that that was thank you enough. Really? OK!
So, as Caleb gets dediated today, I will know in my mind that this is ultimate "Thank You" to God. I will be publically stating that, ultimately, Caleb is God's child. Yes, John and I are his earthly parents, but God is His real Father and we are going to do everything in our power to raise him according to how God would want us to raise him.
Also, one of my new favorite verses is in Luke where it says, "every first born male who opens the womb will be called Holy to the Lord." And if you recall in the old testament, God tells Moses to tell the Israelites that He wants all the first born children and animals, that they are His.
Today, we are telling the world that Caleb is God's and we are praying that God will continue to have His hand on his life as he grows.
PS We would have loved for ALL our family and friends to experience such a special day, but as you know John and I have BIG immediate families. So we decided to only invite our immediate family members. Please do not feel left out or shunned. We wish we could have invited everyone. Feel free to pray for us and baby Caleb today!
After awhile, simply telling God 'thank you' wasn't enough. There had to be more. One day at about four or five months pregnant, I was jogging on the treadmill. I began to thank God for the beautiful gift He put inside me, but I felt my thank yous weren't enough. I asked God what else I could do to show Him how grateful I was. There had to be something. God told me to dedicate the baby back to Him. Without hesitation, I told God I would, but I thought there had to be more I could do. After all, I was already going to dedicate the baby....that was it, God?
God told me over and over to simply dedicate the baby...that that was thank you enough. Really? OK!
So, as Caleb gets dediated today, I will know in my mind that this is ultimate "Thank You" to God. I will be publically stating that, ultimately, Caleb is God's child. Yes, John and I are his earthly parents, but God is His real Father and we are going to do everything in our power to raise him according to how God would want us to raise him.
Also, one of my new favorite verses is in Luke where it says, "every first born male who opens the womb will be called Holy to the Lord." And if you recall in the old testament, God tells Moses to tell the Israelites that He wants all the first born children and animals, that they are His.
Today, we are telling the world that Caleb is God's and we are praying that God will continue to have His hand on his life as he grows.
PS We would have loved for ALL our family and friends to experience such a special day, but as you know John and I have BIG immediate families. So we decided to only invite our immediate family members. Please do not feel left out or shunned. We wish we could have invited everyone. Feel free to pray for us and baby Caleb today!
Monday, July 18, 2011
Maybe its just me....
Ok, so here it goes, I am going to rant a little bit, but this whole thing is bothering me. Maybe I am stupid for letting it get to me, but I'm really beginning to wonder if I'm the dumb one. But what is with all the drinking these days? And no I'm not talking about water. I'm talking about red solo cuppin, can chuggin, brown baggin, let me post my drunken nights on facebook kinda drinkin. I don't get it. Don't go to church and praise God like there's no tomorrow and then post pictures via facebook of you doing keg stands and funnels off of your friends roof. Don't go to Bible study then talk about doing 15 shots for your 19th birthday. Please don't claim to be a major Jesus lover and then hit up the club because we all know you're going there to drink. Yes, I'm talking to those people who use every excuse in the book to drink one down and throw one back. I think St. Patrick is awesome, too, but I don't really think he cares how many shots you can do in his honor. C'mon people. Yes, Jesus drank, and I too, will have a drink every now and then. There is nothing wrong with it. However, I am disgusted by the 'Christians' who post pictures of their crazy drunken nights in the city. If in a majority of your pictures on facebook you have a beer in your hand, you have a problem.
The one thing that really upsets me are the under age drinkers and the parents that let their children drink. Am I wrong for thinking that that might not be the best idea?
And no, I'm not claiming to be perfect. I am guilty of this exact thing and I learned the hard way. I wish people would just see how messed up it really is. And maybe I am totally wrong for even thinking these things. Maybe I was raised way too conservatively (some people would definitely think so). I just feel like lately, the drinking has gotten way out of control, like moderation went out the window....
Ok, I am done ranting. I apologize if I have offended anyone, but I just feel strongly about this topic. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with drinking, but if your under age or have a facebook album titled "do you remember what happened last night, cause I dont," you might not want to be walking around telling people how much you love Jesus.
The one thing that really upsets me are the under age drinkers and the parents that let their children drink. Am I wrong for thinking that that might not be the best idea?
And no, I'm not claiming to be perfect. I am guilty of this exact thing and I learned the hard way. I wish people would just see how messed up it really is. And maybe I am totally wrong for even thinking these things. Maybe I was raised way too conservatively (some people would definitely think so). I just feel like lately, the drinking has gotten way out of control, like moderation went out the window....
Ok, I am done ranting. I apologize if I have offended anyone, but I just feel strongly about this topic. Like I said, there is nothing wrong with drinking, but if your under age or have a facebook album titled "do you remember what happened last night, cause I dont," you might not want to be walking around telling people how much you love Jesus.
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
Open your eyes....He's there
This past month has been crazy. Between birthdays, weddings, and other special events, we have been so busy. Unfortunately for me, when I get busy, I neglect God. I just can't seem to find time for Him, even though I know I should.
Since I have been struggling to find the time to spend with God, I have been pretty discouraged about things. It seems like when I don't spend time with Him, I can't see Him moving like I would when I am spending time with Him (if that makes any sense). But the past few days have been very uplifting and encouraging and I would like to share them with you.
Like I said, maybe its me and the lack of diligence with spending time with God that has caused me to be blind to God's presence in not only my life, but others around me. However, this past weekend I saw God and it was awesome. Where did I see Him? I saw Him at a wedding, a beautiful one at that. A wedding where God was center stage, where the two people getting married wanted it to be about Him. I have to wonder if there were people there that couldn't see Him. And I wonder if there were people there that noticed the 'different' kind of love between the bride and groom.
There is a 'different' kind of love, ya know. Its a different love from what the world knows as love. I didn't realize the difference myself until I was older. There is a difference between what the world knows as love and a Godly love between two people. Its a love so greater than the human mind can understand. A love, that if you didn't love God, you couldn't even begin to comprehend. That Godly love was what I saw at this wedding and it was awesome.
Where there is a Godly love, there is God. God was at that wedding. I could feel His presence. It was awesome. And it was so kool to see two people acknowledge God the way they did on their wedding day. What an encouragement. What a blessing to be a part of that. What an uplifting day. It was incredible.
Coming off of such a spiritual high on Sunday, it was hard to face Monday morning. Getting back into the grind is never easy, especially after having such a great time the day before. I was a little sad and part of me wondered where God was on Monday. Why would He allow me to experience such an incredible spiritual high and then leave me the next day. Well, obviously, He wouldn't. My husband took off Monday and we spent the day taking walks, playing with our son, and eating pizza and ice cream. We even went to Smithville village which is a big deal because I always ask my husband to go, but he refuses. It was a great day and it reminded me of how blessed I truly was.
Fast forward to Tuesday night. Sometimes bible study, is just bible study. Sometimes I get distracted because of the baby. Sometimes I just can't concentrate and I get lost in my thoughts thinking about what I need to do before bed. Last night was not like that at all though. We prayed for the new group we started at church called re:define. It was so awesome to hear people pray for this new mission that me and husband were a part of. The prayers that were prayed were incredible, awesome, encouraging, and so uplifting. That spiritual high was back and it was awesome. I felt rejuvenated, refreshed, and I felt like God was apparent to me. There's nothing better than that.
After writing all that, I have to wonder something. Will God find us and reveal Himself, even if we aren't looking? Or is He always there, its just a matter of us opening our eyes and paying attention.
I would say He's always there, just waiting for us to see Him. Coming to this conclusion has encouraged me to open my eyes a little wider today.
Since I have been struggling to find the time to spend with God, I have been pretty discouraged about things. It seems like when I don't spend time with Him, I can't see Him moving like I would when I am spending time with Him (if that makes any sense). But the past few days have been very uplifting and encouraging and I would like to share them with you.
Like I said, maybe its me and the lack of diligence with spending time with God that has caused me to be blind to God's presence in not only my life, but others around me. However, this past weekend I saw God and it was awesome. Where did I see Him? I saw Him at a wedding, a beautiful one at that. A wedding where God was center stage, where the two people getting married wanted it to be about Him. I have to wonder if there were people there that couldn't see Him. And I wonder if there were people there that noticed the 'different' kind of love between the bride and groom.
There is a 'different' kind of love, ya know. Its a different love from what the world knows as love. I didn't realize the difference myself until I was older. There is a difference between what the world knows as love and a Godly love between two people. Its a love so greater than the human mind can understand. A love, that if you didn't love God, you couldn't even begin to comprehend. That Godly love was what I saw at this wedding and it was awesome.
Where there is a Godly love, there is God. God was at that wedding. I could feel His presence. It was awesome. And it was so kool to see two people acknowledge God the way they did on their wedding day. What an encouragement. What a blessing to be a part of that. What an uplifting day. It was incredible.
Coming off of such a spiritual high on Sunday, it was hard to face Monday morning. Getting back into the grind is never easy, especially after having such a great time the day before. I was a little sad and part of me wondered where God was on Monday. Why would He allow me to experience such an incredible spiritual high and then leave me the next day. Well, obviously, He wouldn't. My husband took off Monday and we spent the day taking walks, playing with our son, and eating pizza and ice cream. We even went to Smithville village which is a big deal because I always ask my husband to go, but he refuses. It was a great day and it reminded me of how blessed I truly was.
Fast forward to Tuesday night. Sometimes bible study, is just bible study. Sometimes I get distracted because of the baby. Sometimes I just can't concentrate and I get lost in my thoughts thinking about what I need to do before bed. Last night was not like that at all though. We prayed for the new group we started at church called re:define. It was so awesome to hear people pray for this new mission that me and husband were a part of. The prayers that were prayed were incredible, awesome, encouraging, and so uplifting. That spiritual high was back and it was awesome. I felt rejuvenated, refreshed, and I felt like God was apparent to me. There's nothing better than that.
After writing all that, I have to wonder something. Will God find us and reveal Himself, even if we aren't looking? Or is He always there, its just a matter of us opening our eyes and paying attention.
I would say He's always there, just waiting for us to see Him. Coming to this conclusion has encouraged me to open my eyes a little wider today.
Saturday, July 9, 2011
Dreams and Earthquakes
With all the severe weather these days its no wonder I had a dream about an earthquake. I was walking home from school in Egg Harbor City (random) and I heard some neighbors outside talking about and pointing to what they thought was a demolition going on down the street. I heard one of them say, "they are getting rid of the (insert random building name I cant remember)?!" The people were upset and as I looked in the direction of where they were pointing, I could see a puff of smoke where the so called demolition was taking place. Then, I heard one of them say, "they are getting rid of the school......and the playground?!"
I spun around toward the school, which is where I was a few minutes before. I watched as it was 'demolished.' I saw the playground go down too. And I saw the puff of smoke that usually follows a demolition.
It was about a second later, after I turned back around to continue walking home that the street started to crack and split. It was at that moment I realized that there were no demolitions going on, but it was an earthquake that was causing these buildings to collapse. I immediately went into panic. Where should I go? Am I going to die?
I started running, not even sure of where I was going. Then, all of a sudden I felt an amazing peace. I started praising God. At first, I was still a little scared, but the more I sang praises, the better I felt and the less scared I became. I was okay with death and the splitting streets in front of me were not at all terrifying. I was literally 'praising God in the storm' and it made me feel awesome.
Eventually, the earthquake stopped. God told me to start clapping for Him. So as I walked down the street, I clapped. God told me to clap louder. So I did. He told me to clap louder than ever before. So, I used all my might to slap my hands together to make the loudest noise ever. I asked God why He wanted me to do this and He said it was because people would hear me clapping after this devastating earthquake and they would ask me why I was clapping. I was supposed to tell them God.
As I walked and clapped, many people stared at me and a lot of people pointed. And then........I woke up.....at least I think I did because I don't remember anything else. :)
Crazy dream right?
I spun around toward the school, which is where I was a few minutes before. I watched as it was 'demolished.' I saw the playground go down too. And I saw the puff of smoke that usually follows a demolition.
It was about a second later, after I turned back around to continue walking home that the street started to crack and split. It was at that moment I realized that there were no demolitions going on, but it was an earthquake that was causing these buildings to collapse. I immediately went into panic. Where should I go? Am I going to die?
I started running, not even sure of where I was going. Then, all of a sudden I felt an amazing peace. I started praising God. At first, I was still a little scared, but the more I sang praises, the better I felt and the less scared I became. I was okay with death and the splitting streets in front of me were not at all terrifying. I was literally 'praising God in the storm' and it made me feel awesome.
Eventually, the earthquake stopped. God told me to start clapping for Him. So as I walked down the street, I clapped. God told me to clap louder. So I did. He told me to clap louder than ever before. So, I used all my might to slap my hands together to make the loudest noise ever. I asked God why He wanted me to do this and He said it was because people would hear me clapping after this devastating earthquake and they would ask me why I was clapping. I was supposed to tell them God.
As I walked and clapped, many people stared at me and a lot of people pointed. And then........I woke up.....at least I think I did because I don't remember anything else. :)
Crazy dream right?
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I feel freee!
Ok, so I am going to talk about something that's difficult for a lot of people, including me. It's something whose details can be controversial and can often lead to heated debates. I am talking about tithing. Who's with me when I say it's difficult? Raise your hand if you have had the discussion of whether or not to tithe on your gross or net. Who has debated whether we are supposed to tithe 10% or possibly more?
If you're like me, you've heard these questions and statements and maybe even debated over the correct answer. In the end, most I've talked to believe they tithe according to what God tells them to tithe or what they feel compelled to give. I have to agree with that statement.
Even though I believe in tithing according to how God leads me, it is never easy. Well, I can't say 'never easy,' because there are times I have no problem writing out that check. Most times, however, I have a hard time. I don't know what it is or why I have such difficulty. Maybe it's because I am a 'saver' and always have been. My parents used to borrow money from me when I was little because I would save allowance money and Grandmom money. I had a bank account at 10 years of age and I opened it with money I saved. I am definitely cheap. I hate to spend extra money when I don't need to. I will only buy things on sale and I will always find the thing I want for cheaper. Oh and I LOVE coupons!
Obviously you can see that saving money is a big deal to me. I know part of it is that I don't like living outside my means. Another part of it is that a savings account keeps me from worrying about financial problems. Either way, giving up/spending money, even if it's for necessities like food or clothes is tough. I have to talk myself into it most of the time, even if it's for myself.
Having said all that, you can see how tithing is hard for me. I know the benefits and everything, but sometimes, that doesn't make easier. Today though, I had a different experience.
I have been extra careful with our money lately. I am staying at home with the baby and John is the only one working right now. He brings in enough to support us, but there are always extra things we pay for each month. When I write our budget down on paper, we have more than enough, but somehow it disappears (I couldn't even tell you where it goes). Moving on...
At church, they stopped passing the plate. Instead, there is a little mailbox looking thing in the back of the church and you can put your tithe in it whenever you get the chance. This has made me a worse tither. I always forget to put my check in the mailbox. There have been a few times where I remembered, but most of the time I forgot, even when both John and I told each other to remind each other at the end of church (if that makes sense).
The good thing about our church is that you can tithe online. So even though I forgot to put my check in the mailbox, I can still tithe online if I want. The only thing is, I forget to do that too! Haha Ok, so sometimes I CONVENIENTLY forget, but it's not all the time. Most of the time I just plain forget.
Lately, I've been getting on myself about tithing. I've been making it a point to remember and I started feeling bad about forgetting. As I was food shopping tonight, I kept reminding myself over and over to tithe online when I got home. It's been too long and I needed to tithe. As I continued my food shopping and I added diapers and formula to my cart, I knew the bill was going to be big. I hate spending so much money!!! How on earth was I going to tithe?!
I skipped the special treats for myself, like the frozen berries I use to make a smoothie that are $10 for a small bag. I skipped the meats because they are usually expensive. And I skipped the ice cream, because let's be honest, no one in the house NEEDS ice cream. I started panicking about money. How am I going to tithe? Will we have enough left over to pay the bills? All these questions about money flooded my brain. I was freaking out!
Then, I remembered what the pastor had said this passed Sunday. I can't remember the exact phrasing, but it was something like: if you don't tithe when you have a little bit, you won't tithe when you have a lot.
Maybe that doesn't make sense to you (and I could totally be saying it wrong), but it made sense to me. I always wish I had more money so I wouldn't have to worry. I always tell God I would tithe more and give more to the poor if I had more to give, but I really need to tithe all the time, regardless of what I have.
So even though i was freaking out about money on the way home from food shopping, I tithed online. And no, I am not tooting my own horn. I am writing this because I felt so free afterwards! I thought I would feel worse because I was giving up more money, but I actually felt loads better! I found freedom from my worry in tithing! Who would have ever thought?! I was so worried about spending money that I got home and spent more by tithing and it made me stop worrying! LOL Now only God can do that!
I write all that to say. TITHE. Its hard, trust me, I know. But it's so freeing at the same time. I have a new perspective on it now. It's pretty awesome. :)
If you're like me, you've heard these questions and statements and maybe even debated over the correct answer. In the end, most I've talked to believe they tithe according to what God tells them to tithe or what they feel compelled to give. I have to agree with that statement.
Even though I believe in tithing according to how God leads me, it is never easy. Well, I can't say 'never easy,' because there are times I have no problem writing out that check. Most times, however, I have a hard time. I don't know what it is or why I have such difficulty. Maybe it's because I am a 'saver' and always have been. My parents used to borrow money from me when I was little because I would save allowance money and Grandmom money. I had a bank account at 10 years of age and I opened it with money I saved. I am definitely cheap. I hate to spend extra money when I don't need to. I will only buy things on sale and I will always find the thing I want for cheaper. Oh and I LOVE coupons!
Obviously you can see that saving money is a big deal to me. I know part of it is that I don't like living outside my means. Another part of it is that a savings account keeps me from worrying about financial problems. Either way, giving up/spending money, even if it's for necessities like food or clothes is tough. I have to talk myself into it most of the time, even if it's for myself.
Having said all that, you can see how tithing is hard for me. I know the benefits and everything, but sometimes, that doesn't make easier. Today though, I had a different experience.
I have been extra careful with our money lately. I am staying at home with the baby and John is the only one working right now. He brings in enough to support us, but there are always extra things we pay for each month. When I write our budget down on paper, we have more than enough, but somehow it disappears (I couldn't even tell you where it goes). Moving on...
At church, they stopped passing the plate. Instead, there is a little mailbox looking thing in the back of the church and you can put your tithe in it whenever you get the chance. This has made me a worse tither. I always forget to put my check in the mailbox. There have been a few times where I remembered, but most of the time I forgot, even when both John and I told each other to remind each other at the end of church (if that makes sense).
The good thing about our church is that you can tithe online. So even though I forgot to put my check in the mailbox, I can still tithe online if I want. The only thing is, I forget to do that too! Haha Ok, so sometimes I CONVENIENTLY forget, but it's not all the time. Most of the time I just plain forget.
Lately, I've been getting on myself about tithing. I've been making it a point to remember and I started feeling bad about forgetting. As I was food shopping tonight, I kept reminding myself over and over to tithe online when I got home. It's been too long and I needed to tithe. As I continued my food shopping and I added diapers and formula to my cart, I knew the bill was going to be big. I hate spending so much money!!! How on earth was I going to tithe?!
I skipped the special treats for myself, like the frozen berries I use to make a smoothie that are $10 for a small bag. I skipped the meats because they are usually expensive. And I skipped the ice cream, because let's be honest, no one in the house NEEDS ice cream. I started panicking about money. How am I going to tithe? Will we have enough left over to pay the bills? All these questions about money flooded my brain. I was freaking out!
Then, I remembered what the pastor had said this passed Sunday. I can't remember the exact phrasing, but it was something like: if you don't tithe when you have a little bit, you won't tithe when you have a lot.
Maybe that doesn't make sense to you (and I could totally be saying it wrong), but it made sense to me. I always wish I had more money so I wouldn't have to worry. I always tell God I would tithe more and give more to the poor if I had more to give, but I really need to tithe all the time, regardless of what I have.
So even though i was freaking out about money on the way home from food shopping, I tithed online. And no, I am not tooting my own horn. I am writing this because I felt so free afterwards! I thought I would feel worse because I was giving up more money, but I actually felt loads better! I found freedom from my worry in tithing! Who would have ever thought?! I was so worried about spending money that I got home and spent more by tithing and it made me stop worrying! LOL Now only God can do that!
I write all that to say. TITHE. Its hard, trust me, I know. But it's so freeing at the same time. I have a new perspective on it now. It's pretty awesome. :)
Monday, June 27, 2011
I've learned...
to stop questioning God and His actions. All my life, I've always wondered why God does what He does and why He allows things to happen. Looking back on those things, I've had the opportunity to see the purpose in it all, even the bad things. Sometimes I wish I knew the purpose of His actions sooner, but letting me know 'the why' was all in His timing, and it was perfect.
Recently, something bad has happened. I don't want to share it because it may not be my place to share it with the world. My first and immediate reaction to the news was to ask God why, but I stopped myself. I realized that there has to be a purpose. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe things happen for a reason and I believe God is in control of everything. I knew there was a purpose to this situation. I may not know why He allowed it to happen for awhile, but I won't ask. God will show me why when He's ready and that's fine.
I have learned to trust Him in all situations...
Recently, something bad has happened. I don't want to share it because it may not be my place to share it with the world. My first and immediate reaction to the news was to ask God why, but I stopped myself. I realized that there has to be a purpose. I don't believe in coincidences, I believe things happen for a reason and I believe God is in control of everything. I knew there was a purpose to this situation. I may not know why He allowed it to happen for awhile, but I won't ask. God will show me why when He's ready and that's fine.
I have learned to trust Him in all situations...
Sunday, June 26, 2011
"Parents and Children"
So way back in the day (like a few weeks ago), I decided to become a 'better reader of the Bible.' I knew I needed to read more and it was one night before bed I decided it'd be a good time to start. I knew picking up my Bible only a few times here and there wasn't good enough. I needed to be more diligent. So, I picked up my Bible that night and asked God for a word.
Now at the time I was very frustrated. I was never a big reader, but reading the Bible was even harder. Not only did I have my own flesh and blood fighting against me, so was Satan. You know he was whispering all kinds of lies in my ears of why I couldn't read the Bible. There wasn't enough time. I was tired. I don't know what to read. All these excuses prevented me from picking up my Bible all the time.
But then, that night came where I made a commitment that I would pick it up more often. I swore to myself that I would read EVERY night and ignore the excuses in my mind. As soon as I thought about picking up my Bible and reading though, the perfect excuse flooded my thoughts, "I haven't read in forever, so I know God won't give me a word. I'll just be reading simple words on a page that don't make any sense to me and I'll put the Bible down more discouraged then ever."
At that moment, before the excuse could consume me, I prayed. I told God I was desperate for a word. I begged Him to speak to me through His Holy book. I wanted something specific for me. I needed it. I just needed Him to speak to me.
So after I prayed, I lifted my Bible expecting to open up to a random verse that would speak volumes. Instead I randomly took out the card that was in the front pocket of my Bible. My dearest cousin had given me this Bible and she gave it to me with a card. I always left the card in the front pocket. I used it to right down verses, chapters, or whatever I felt I needed to write down quickly before I forgot. I hadn't taken out the card in awhile, but for some reason I decided to tonight. I forgot what my cousin had written in it and I wanted to read it again. As I examined the card, I saw Colossians 3 written on the back side of the card.
I remembered when I wrote down that Chapter. It was several years prior and it was a word I felt God give me to give my cheerleaders one day. I couldn't remember what it was about, so I decided to read it. As I was reading Colossians 3, I remembered its purpose, but I didn't think it was the word God was going to give me on that night. I was wrong.
Curiosity got the best of me and I continued reading past the few verses in the chapter God gave me several years ago. As I read on, I realized it was no mistake I was supposed to continue reading.
Colossians 3 talks about living a holy life (that includes children and adults). In the middle of the chapter, my 'spirit filled bible' gives a little excerpt titled 'Parents and Children' on how to raise children accordingly. It gives a clear list of how to do it right backed with different scriptures throughout the Bible. It talked about being a good example, not showing favoritism, and having your child dedicated.
I'll be honest, it wasn't the word I was hoping for, but I knew God wanted me to read that. It was NOT a mistake, nor was it a coincidence. It was for me. I needed to read it.
Once i finished reading it, I felt good. I felt like God had showed me that and said, "Hey, this is where you go when you have questions about how to raise Caleb or if you question whether or not your raising him correctly. As long as you follow these steps, you'll be fine." (Understand clear steps is what I need in life. God knows this haha).
In the end, I was so grateful that God showed up for me and gave me that word. No, it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but God is like a parent, He tells us things we don't always want to hear, but it is for our own good. God is not in the business in always giving us what we want, but giving us what we need. And He knows better than anyone what we need. And that's a good thing because a lot of us aren't even sure what we want. :)
God.Is.So.Good
Now at the time I was very frustrated. I was never a big reader, but reading the Bible was even harder. Not only did I have my own flesh and blood fighting against me, so was Satan. You know he was whispering all kinds of lies in my ears of why I couldn't read the Bible. There wasn't enough time. I was tired. I don't know what to read. All these excuses prevented me from picking up my Bible all the time.
But then, that night came where I made a commitment that I would pick it up more often. I swore to myself that I would read EVERY night and ignore the excuses in my mind. As soon as I thought about picking up my Bible and reading though, the perfect excuse flooded my thoughts, "I haven't read in forever, so I know God won't give me a word. I'll just be reading simple words on a page that don't make any sense to me and I'll put the Bible down more discouraged then ever."
At that moment, before the excuse could consume me, I prayed. I told God I was desperate for a word. I begged Him to speak to me through His Holy book. I wanted something specific for me. I needed it. I just needed Him to speak to me.
So after I prayed, I lifted my Bible expecting to open up to a random verse that would speak volumes. Instead I randomly took out the card that was in the front pocket of my Bible. My dearest cousin had given me this Bible and she gave it to me with a card. I always left the card in the front pocket. I used it to right down verses, chapters, or whatever I felt I needed to write down quickly before I forgot. I hadn't taken out the card in awhile, but for some reason I decided to tonight. I forgot what my cousin had written in it and I wanted to read it again. As I examined the card, I saw Colossians 3 written on the back side of the card.
I remembered when I wrote down that Chapter. It was several years prior and it was a word I felt God give me to give my cheerleaders one day. I couldn't remember what it was about, so I decided to read it. As I was reading Colossians 3, I remembered its purpose, but I didn't think it was the word God was going to give me on that night. I was wrong.
Curiosity got the best of me and I continued reading past the few verses in the chapter God gave me several years ago. As I read on, I realized it was no mistake I was supposed to continue reading.
Colossians 3 talks about living a holy life (that includes children and adults). In the middle of the chapter, my 'spirit filled bible' gives a little excerpt titled 'Parents and Children' on how to raise children accordingly. It gives a clear list of how to do it right backed with different scriptures throughout the Bible. It talked about being a good example, not showing favoritism, and having your child dedicated.
I'll be honest, it wasn't the word I was hoping for, but I knew God wanted me to read that. It was NOT a mistake, nor was it a coincidence. It was for me. I needed to read it.
Once i finished reading it, I felt good. I felt like God had showed me that and said, "Hey, this is where you go when you have questions about how to raise Caleb or if you question whether or not your raising him correctly. As long as you follow these steps, you'll be fine." (Understand clear steps is what I need in life. God knows this haha).
In the end, I was so grateful that God showed up for me and gave me that word. No, it wasn't what I wanted to hear, but God is like a parent, He tells us things we don't always want to hear, but it is for our own good. God is not in the business in always giving us what we want, but giving us what we need. And He knows better than anyone what we need. And that's a good thing because a lot of us aren't even sure what we want. :)
God.Is.So.Good
Thursday, June 9, 2011
Entertaining Angels
My son likes to stare. We find him staring at random things in the house. We try and align ourselves with his eyes to figure out what he's staring at and most of the time we find he is staring into a corner. What is so exciting about a corner? Oh yeah, and most of the time, it's the ceiling corner.
I've come up with a theory. He's looking at angels. I know I might sound crazy, but I really believe this....especially after today.
Caleb has not been eating well. He screams, cries, and pretty much freaks out every time I try and nurse him. It has been difficult for all of us lately every time he eats. I cry every time I try and nurse because I don't want him to have formula. It really has been a battle that I refuse to lose. My husband suggests all kinds of tricks to get him to eat, but nothing works. Caleb is now taking medicine which seems to work a little, but it's still a struggle most of the time.
Anyway, this morning was a battle. Caleb ate well for a little bit, but (as usual) when we tried to burp him mid way through, he screamed like we were trying to kill him. Being completely exhausted, I freaked out and asked God why a million times. Why haven't my prayers been answered, why is this so difficult, why can't you just make this baby eat well, why does this have to be such a pain when you can fix this, why aren't you hearing me?
I thought about women in the Bible. Last night, I read in Exodus about Moses and how Pharaoh's daughter found him in the river and asked one of the Hebrew women (Moses' mom) to nurse him. I tried to imagine how special it must have been for Moses' mother to do this as I fed Caleb. This was supposed to be a special bond between me and my son and I'm hating every minute of it. What did women in Biblical times do when babies wouldn't eat???
I tried for five minutes to get Caleb to eat, all while he screamed and cried. I changed positions, moved to a different part of the condo, tried standing on my head (LOL not really, but if I knew that would work, I'd do it). Eventually, he ate a little more. I thank God he was able to eat at least a little bit.
Unfortunately, he didn't eat enough (after going through the night without nursing, you can imagine the pressure). I had to extract some (please excuse my terminological as I am trying not to be too graphic). I didn't know how I was going to do this because Caleb hates being put down and my husband was walking out the door to work. Unfortunately, I just had to put him down to do what I had to do.
So, I put him in his swing. Now, understand that Caleb loves his swing. However, he will not stay in his swing without a binkie and a blanket to hold it in. I, in a rush and a completely fog from the morning's battle, just put him in the swing and did what I needed to do.
As I am sitting there watching him in the swing, I am waiting for him to freak out. He has no binkie, no blanket...there was no way he was going to stay in there long enough. However, the next thing I know, he is cracking up. He is babbling away and smiling like crazy. He is looking up and just having a grand ol time. I swear he was seeing angels. As soon as I finished doing what I needed to do, he started getting upset...he needed his binkie...
I really believe they were angels he was looking at. The angels were entertaining him. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm telling you, my child will not stay in his swing without a binkie, unless he is entertained. Could I be completely wrong....maybe, but I wouldn't mind one bit if my son saw angels. I mean, besides Jesus, what better thing to look at?!
So, yes, this morning....angels entertained my son. Jesus sent them because he knew I needed a break. They must have played with him and sang to him (he likes that). I know it sounds nuts because I think I sound nuts just writing about it, but how would anyone know the difference?
I personally believe we entertain angels all the time, we just don't know it and if you believe in guardian angels, then this post isn't too far fetched for you. There are angels around us all the time. Sometimes, we can see them. Most of the time we don't. I think it's because they like to keep a low profile :)
I've come up with a theory. He's looking at angels. I know I might sound crazy, but I really believe this....especially after today.
Caleb has not been eating well. He screams, cries, and pretty much freaks out every time I try and nurse him. It has been difficult for all of us lately every time he eats. I cry every time I try and nurse because I don't want him to have formula. It really has been a battle that I refuse to lose. My husband suggests all kinds of tricks to get him to eat, but nothing works. Caleb is now taking medicine which seems to work a little, but it's still a struggle most of the time.
Anyway, this morning was a battle. Caleb ate well for a little bit, but (as usual) when we tried to burp him mid way through, he screamed like we were trying to kill him. Being completely exhausted, I freaked out and asked God why a million times. Why haven't my prayers been answered, why is this so difficult, why can't you just make this baby eat well, why does this have to be such a pain when you can fix this, why aren't you hearing me?
I thought about women in the Bible. Last night, I read in Exodus about Moses and how Pharaoh's daughter found him in the river and asked one of the Hebrew women (Moses' mom) to nurse him. I tried to imagine how special it must have been for Moses' mother to do this as I fed Caleb. This was supposed to be a special bond between me and my son and I'm hating every minute of it. What did women in Biblical times do when babies wouldn't eat???
I tried for five minutes to get Caleb to eat, all while he screamed and cried. I changed positions, moved to a different part of the condo, tried standing on my head (LOL not really, but if I knew that would work, I'd do it). Eventually, he ate a little more. I thank God he was able to eat at least a little bit.
Unfortunately, he didn't eat enough (after going through the night without nursing, you can imagine the pressure). I had to extract some (please excuse my terminological as I am trying not to be too graphic). I didn't know how I was going to do this because Caleb hates being put down and my husband was walking out the door to work. Unfortunately, I just had to put him down to do what I had to do.
So, I put him in his swing. Now, understand that Caleb loves his swing. However, he will not stay in his swing without a binkie and a blanket to hold it in. I, in a rush and a completely fog from the morning's battle, just put him in the swing and did what I needed to do.
As I am sitting there watching him in the swing, I am waiting for him to freak out. He has no binkie, no blanket...there was no way he was going to stay in there long enough. However, the next thing I know, he is cracking up. He is babbling away and smiling like crazy. He is looking up and just having a grand ol time. I swear he was seeing angels. As soon as I finished doing what I needed to do, he started getting upset...he needed his binkie...
I really believe they were angels he was looking at. The angels were entertaining him. I know it sounds crazy, but I'm telling you, my child will not stay in his swing without a binkie, unless he is entertained. Could I be completely wrong....maybe, but I wouldn't mind one bit if my son saw angels. I mean, besides Jesus, what better thing to look at?!
So, yes, this morning....angels entertained my son. Jesus sent them because he knew I needed a break. They must have played with him and sang to him (he likes that). I know it sounds nuts because I think I sound nuts just writing about it, but how would anyone know the difference?
I personally believe we entertain angels all the time, we just don't know it and if you believe in guardian angels, then this post isn't too far fetched for you. There are angels around us all the time. Sometimes, we can see them. Most of the time we don't. I think it's because they like to keep a low profile :)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
Genesis - CHECK!
So I finished up reading Genesis last night. I have found time to read before bed. I feed the baby and John rocks him to sleep. While John is doing that and I'm waiting for him to come back to bed, I read. It has actually worked out well for me this way. I enjoy the quiet time and I like lying in bed and reading. Sometimes, John will get back to bed before I'm done reading and I find myself using a flashlight to finish reading. I know it might seem corny, but it makes me feel like a kid again. I love the flashlight! Sometimes, when I'm done reading, I pretend to write my name on the ceiling with the light. Of course, this drives John crazy as he is trying to sleep. LOL
ANYWAY, last night after I finished reading, I laid down and tried to think about the book of Genesis. I tried to do a little recap in my head of what I read. In all honesty, there's a lot to remember! I had a hard time remembering every detail like I wanted to. For the most part, I remembered the main theme of each story, but even that was a lot.
What's funny is that I always thought I'd run out of things to read in such a small book. Like, by the time I turned 50, God couldn't give me any more revelations through His word, I would know it all but then. But after finishing Genesis last night, I realized that there's so much jam packed into one book of the Bible (or one chapter for that matter), that I could read through the Bible 1290890324 times and still not know it all and God could STILL give me a revelation about something. It's so amazing....
ANYWAY, last night after I finished reading, I laid down and tried to think about the book of Genesis. I tried to do a little recap in my head of what I read. In all honesty, there's a lot to remember! I had a hard time remembering every detail like I wanted to. For the most part, I remembered the main theme of each story, but even that was a lot.
What's funny is that I always thought I'd run out of things to read in such a small book. Like, by the time I turned 50, God couldn't give me any more revelations through His word, I would know it all but then. But after finishing Genesis last night, I realized that there's so much jam packed into one book of the Bible (or one chapter for that matter), that I could read through the Bible 1290890324 times and still not know it all and God could STILL give me a revelation about something. It's so amazing....
Sunday, June 5, 2011
Lucky For Me.....
Caleb is STILL sleeping. I took the opportunity to read the Bible. Instead of continuing where I left off (i've been reading through the entire Bible), I decided to ask God for a specific word. I've been pretty overwhelmed with the thought of moving and fixing up the condo and worrying about Caleb and making sure he's getting enough to eat that I broke down today. I cried out to God and ask Him why everything is being so stressful lately.
God continually reminds me to be anxious for nothing and I try so hard to not be anxious, but it doesn't always work. Then, God led me to these verse:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synogues and on the street corners to be seen by men, I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for our Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.' - Matthew 6:5-14
This was another thing God showed me right on the next page: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more cloth you, O you of little faith?So do not worry saying, 'What shall we eat? or what shall we drink? or what shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things. and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough tourble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34
I feel like God heard my cry and gave me these. I feel a lot better now. :)
God continually reminds me to be anxious for nothing and I try so hard to not be anxious, but it doesn't always work. Then, God led me to these verse:
"And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synogues and on the street corners to be seen by men, I tell you the truth, they have received their reward in full. But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret will reward you. And when you pray, do not keep on babbling like pagans, for they think they will be heard because of their many words. Do not be like them, for our Father knows what you need before you ask him. This, then, is how you should pray: 'Our Father in heaven, hallowed be your name, your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us today our daily bread. Forgive us our debts, as we have also forgiven our debtors. And lead us not into temptation but deliver us from the evil one.' - Matthew 6:5-14
This was another thing God showed me right on the next page: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink: or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes? Look at the birds of the air: they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, will he not much more cloth you, O you of little faith?So do not worry saying, 'What shall we eat? or what shall we drink? or what shall we wear?' For the pagans run after all these things. and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough tourble of its own." - Matthew 6:25-34
I feel like God heard my cry and gave me these. I feel a lot better now. :)
I woulda, coulda, shoulda, but I didn't....
Ok, Ok, ok, so I could make every excuse in the book and I will attempt to do so. :) This morning I didn't go to church. Why? Well, I've been battling a nice sinus infection/cold all week. It stunk. I could barely move on Tuesday (so much so that John stayed home from work to take care of me and the baby). It got progressively better as the week went on, but I didn't get the rest I needed to recover. John had to go back to work (obviously he couldn't stay home with me all week until I got better) and I was stuck with a very cranky baby to take care of. No time to sleep in, that was for sure. So, I say all that to say, I am still sick, still battling this cold or whatever it is, and I refuse to go to the doctor because I don't want them to tell me I have to go on antibiotics because that will mean I have to stop breastfeeding and I don't want to do that right now.
Not only am I battling this lovely cold, I felt disgustingly nauseous most of the day yesterday and I haven't had an appetite all week. I really felt like I was going to toss my cookies. I was up most of the night feeling like I needed to run to the bathroom every ten seconds. Granted, I didn't sleep (although I never really sleep anymore these days). I need my sleep.
On top of all of that, yesterday was a very stressful day. We are trying to list our condo and there is a ton of stuff we are trying to fix up to make it look more presentable. Granted, it's little things that need fixing, but it's a lot of little things that add up and it's going to take some time and it's all very stressful. What really stinks is that I usually get a break on Saturdays from the baby. My husband is home and normally takes the baby here and there so I can eat without having to hold a crying baby (it's the little things these days that mean the most...like eating lunch in peace..). Anyway, since my husband was fixing up our condo I had to keep an eye on the baby all day. I know that might sound bad, but I really look forward to Saturdays to get a little break (keep in mind I don't get a break all week, except maybe an hour at nights when John holds the baby while I eat dinner). Not getting my normal break yesterday stressed me out, which caused my stomach to be in knots all day, which probably caused my nauseousness later on.
Ok, so I gave every excuse in the book, but in all honesty, it's true. But why I am I even writing this? Well, I probably could have made it to church this morning, but I chose to take the opportunity to sleep in a bit (especially since I didn't sleep well last night and I never get to sleep much these days). And if you felt the way I did, you would have probably stayed home too. I mean, let's be honest, my excuse not to go to church is totally justified. I needed the rest.
However, this morning, as I was thinking about not making it to church, I felt really bad. I felt really selfish. I basically told God that He wasn't worth it, when in all reality I could have made it and survived. My question is, where do you draw the line? When is it okay to miss church? When is it justified? Yes, I could have pushed and went to church, but ultimately I felt like I needed the rest. But should I have gone anyway??
I guess it really depends on the person.....
Not only am I battling this lovely cold, I felt disgustingly nauseous most of the day yesterday and I haven't had an appetite all week. I really felt like I was going to toss my cookies. I was up most of the night feeling like I needed to run to the bathroom every ten seconds. Granted, I didn't sleep (although I never really sleep anymore these days). I need my sleep.
On top of all of that, yesterday was a very stressful day. We are trying to list our condo and there is a ton of stuff we are trying to fix up to make it look more presentable. Granted, it's little things that need fixing, but it's a lot of little things that add up and it's going to take some time and it's all very stressful. What really stinks is that I usually get a break on Saturdays from the baby. My husband is home and normally takes the baby here and there so I can eat without having to hold a crying baby (it's the little things these days that mean the most...like eating lunch in peace..). Anyway, since my husband was fixing up our condo I had to keep an eye on the baby all day. I know that might sound bad, but I really look forward to Saturdays to get a little break (keep in mind I don't get a break all week, except maybe an hour at nights when John holds the baby while I eat dinner). Not getting my normal break yesterday stressed me out, which caused my stomach to be in knots all day, which probably caused my nauseousness later on.
Ok, so I gave every excuse in the book, but in all honesty, it's true. But why I am I even writing this? Well, I probably could have made it to church this morning, but I chose to take the opportunity to sleep in a bit (especially since I didn't sleep well last night and I never get to sleep much these days). And if you felt the way I did, you would have probably stayed home too. I mean, let's be honest, my excuse not to go to church is totally justified. I needed the rest.
However, this morning, as I was thinking about not making it to church, I felt really bad. I felt really selfish. I basically told God that He wasn't worth it, when in all reality I could have made it and survived. My question is, where do you draw the line? When is it okay to miss church? When is it justified? Yes, I could have pushed and went to church, but ultimately I felt like I needed the rest. But should I have gone anyway??
I guess it really depends on the person.....
Friday, June 3, 2011
Reading, Reading, Reading
So I have been pretty diligent with my reading (can you tell I am proud of myself?). In the beginning of each book of the Bible, they give you the amount of chapters you should read for that day to read the Bible in a year and most of the time, I read more than what is allotted for the given day (go me, lol). I just find so much of it interesting now that I know what is going on. Its awesome.
Anyway, so last night I read about Jacob and Esau. Pretty kool stuff. I have to hand it to Jacob, he was pretty smart taking the birth right and the blessing. I would have done the same if I were him lol. He got all the goods. Although, he did have to work hard for Rachel. And then after working for Rachel's father for seven years, he had to work another seven because he tricked Jacob into marrying the oldest, uglier, daughter Leah (poor Leah). I'm just sayin, if I was Jacob, I would quit and find someone else LOL. No man (or woman in his case) would be worth it.
Anyhoo, I find the story REALLY interesting when Leah and Rachel battle it out by trying to have the most kids LOL. Poor Rachel can't have kids, but Leah has a slew of boys (I think like 6 or 7 over all). Rachel gives Jacob her maidservant to have kids for her and the maidservant has a few boys too. Then, Leah freaks out and gives Jacob her maidservant too. Then, Leah's maidservant has some boys. Rachel still freaks out and prays really hard and finally conceives. She has Joseph, who is extra special to Jacob because he was Rachel's son.
After all is said and done, Jacob has mad sons. I say this to my husband and he goes, 'yeah, well duh.' I didn't get this far yet, but I know that God refers to Jacob as Israel, so his sons must be the 12 tribes.
Way kool stuff :)
Anyway, so last night I read about Jacob and Esau. Pretty kool stuff. I have to hand it to Jacob, he was pretty smart taking the birth right and the blessing. I would have done the same if I were him lol. He got all the goods. Although, he did have to work hard for Rachel. And then after working for Rachel's father for seven years, he had to work another seven because he tricked Jacob into marrying the oldest, uglier, daughter Leah (poor Leah). I'm just sayin, if I was Jacob, I would quit and find someone else LOL. No man (or woman in his case) would be worth it.
Anyhoo, I find the story REALLY interesting when Leah and Rachel battle it out by trying to have the most kids LOL. Poor Rachel can't have kids, but Leah has a slew of boys (I think like 6 or 7 over all). Rachel gives Jacob her maidservant to have kids for her and the maidservant has a few boys too. Then, Leah freaks out and gives Jacob her maidservant too. Then, Leah's maidservant has some boys. Rachel still freaks out and prays really hard and finally conceives. She has Joseph, who is extra special to Jacob because he was Rachel's son.
After all is said and done, Jacob has mad sons. I say this to my husband and he goes, 'yeah, well duh.' I didn't get this far yet, but I know that God refers to Jacob as Israel, so his sons must be the 12 tribes.
Way kool stuff :)
Monday, May 30, 2011
All or Nothing
So I decided I wanted to read through the entire Bible. I've never done it before and I thought it would be a good idea. Part of the the reason was because I was getting frustrated when I would pick up the 'good book' and read a random story I didn't understand because I didn't know the back story. I figured if I read through the whole Bible, I'd know all the stories and I could understand it a little better.
So, where did I begin? In Genesis of course! And I have to say, since I've decided to read through the entire Bible, I find myself more motivated to read. Maybe because I am finding it more interesting...I don't know. Anyway, yes, so I've started from the beginning when God created world. As many times as I've read the story, I still find it amazing and interesting. I mean, what a way to start a book! If you aren't captivated by the Creation, then I can't imagine what would captivate you. What a powerful story (and yes, I will continue to refer to the stories in the Bible as stories, because I find it more appealing when I call them stories). :)
Anyhoo, it's amazing to learn the steps God took to create such an amazing thing. It makes me appreciate things a little more. I really like how God rested on the seventh day. I was taught not to work on the Sabbath, to keep it holy and to rest. Who was I to complain about that! LOL When I was younger, I always told my bosses that I could not work on Sundays because it was a religious thing and I had to go to church. ALL of them respected that and I never had to work Sundays (granted, there was a time when I told one boss that I could work Sunday afternoons, after church, because I needed more money, but I never missed church because of work).
Moving on....
Then, there is the story of Adam and Eve. Oh, what I would do to be a 'fly on the wall' during that time! I would scream at Eve not to eat the forbidden fruit. Everything was perfect up until that point and then Eve was deceived and ruined it for all of us. It changed the world from what God intended. It must have been such a sad day in heaven. I wonder how God felt....??
Then, there's Noah and the flood. The thing that amazes me about Noah's story is how he obeyed and listened to God. I wonder if he was thinking, God must be crazy....
Then, there's some geneology stuff which is always really boring, but good to know about.
Then, there's Abrahm who becomes Abraham. What amazes me about this guy is that he continually doubts God (well, I can't say continually because he does obey Him at some points). Anyway, Abraham does leave the city he's living in and he does attempt to sacrifice his son like God tells him to do, but he doubts God when he tells people that Sarah is his sister, not his wife (he does this twice). Whats interesting to me is that, these powerful, Godly men of the Bible, are just like us. They doubt God, they don't trust Him, and they try and do things in their own power. How many times do we do the same thing?!
What's funny is, as I'm reading these stories, I keep thinking to myself, 'you stupid idiot, why don't you trust God?! Its so easy! Why do you continually doubt?!' The truth is that people could say the same about me. I doubt God a lot and I ALWAYS try and do things my own way instead of letting God 'take the wheel.' It's so easy to say, 'yeah, I trust God,' but it's another thing to actually believe what you say.
In church yesterday, the pastor was talking about faith and how some people just have an amazing amount of faith in God and nothing changed it. And then there's the rest of us, who doubt constantly, but wish we could be like those with insurmountable faith.
I have to be honest, I think reading God's word more helps me with my faith. I notice myself being able to trust God more easily when I read. I think when I read about how God always comes through and how amazing God is, I am able to trust Him more, which in turn, allows me to have more faith.
So, yeah, thats what I've been up to....and now the baby is crying and must go...
So, where did I begin? In Genesis of course! And I have to say, since I've decided to read through the entire Bible, I find myself more motivated to read. Maybe because I am finding it more interesting...I don't know. Anyway, yes, so I've started from the beginning when God created world. As many times as I've read the story, I still find it amazing and interesting. I mean, what a way to start a book! If you aren't captivated by the Creation, then I can't imagine what would captivate you. What a powerful story (and yes, I will continue to refer to the stories in the Bible as stories, because I find it more appealing when I call them stories). :)
Anyhoo, it's amazing to learn the steps God took to create such an amazing thing. It makes me appreciate things a little more. I really like how God rested on the seventh day. I was taught not to work on the Sabbath, to keep it holy and to rest. Who was I to complain about that! LOL When I was younger, I always told my bosses that I could not work on Sundays because it was a religious thing and I had to go to church. ALL of them respected that and I never had to work Sundays (granted, there was a time when I told one boss that I could work Sunday afternoons, after church, because I needed more money, but I never missed church because of work).
Moving on....
Then, there is the story of Adam and Eve. Oh, what I would do to be a 'fly on the wall' during that time! I would scream at Eve not to eat the forbidden fruit. Everything was perfect up until that point and then Eve was deceived and ruined it for all of us. It changed the world from what God intended. It must have been such a sad day in heaven. I wonder how God felt....??
Then, there's Noah and the flood. The thing that amazes me about Noah's story is how he obeyed and listened to God. I wonder if he was thinking, God must be crazy....
Then, there's some geneology stuff which is always really boring, but good to know about.
Then, there's Abrahm who becomes Abraham. What amazes me about this guy is that he continually doubts God (well, I can't say continually because he does obey Him at some points). Anyway, Abraham does leave the city he's living in and he does attempt to sacrifice his son like God tells him to do, but he doubts God when he tells people that Sarah is his sister, not his wife (he does this twice). Whats interesting to me is that, these powerful, Godly men of the Bible, are just like us. They doubt God, they don't trust Him, and they try and do things in their own power. How many times do we do the same thing?!
What's funny is, as I'm reading these stories, I keep thinking to myself, 'you stupid idiot, why don't you trust God?! Its so easy! Why do you continually doubt?!' The truth is that people could say the same about me. I doubt God a lot and I ALWAYS try and do things my own way instead of letting God 'take the wheel.' It's so easy to say, 'yeah, I trust God,' but it's another thing to actually believe what you say.
In church yesterday, the pastor was talking about faith and how some people just have an amazing amount of faith in God and nothing changed it. And then there's the rest of us, who doubt constantly, but wish we could be like those with insurmountable faith.
I have to be honest, I think reading God's word more helps me with my faith. I notice myself being able to trust God more easily when I read. I think when I read about how God always comes through and how amazing God is, I am able to trust Him more, which in turn, allows me to have more faith.
So, yeah, thats what I've been up to....and now the baby is crying and must go...
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